Thursday, March 5, 2009


One of the most horrifying experiences as a parent to watch your child regress.

Today in his Speech therapy in the evening ( he was crying as I he did not get cuddle time with me before his therapy )- I had him on my lap and his speech therapist was getting him to say the word "fish "
I remembered all over again that it was the last word to go when he regressed that horrible spring, summer of 2006
I so detest seeing my little boy in any kind of pain. The thing that bothers me most about his regression that year is how scary it must have been for him. If a regression is so scary to me from the outside.. how horrible must it have been for him
I hope that I was very very good, patient and kind to him.
Still when I look back that year of 2006 and how he changed in so many ways after the repeated Ear infections/antibiotics /vaccinations etc that dreadful year
It also occurs to me that perhaps was also a different track right from birth - he never said Mama for instance, he also never pointed -

This lack of pointing I learned later is one of the key indicators of Autism. He got glasses at 14 months. I wonder how not being able to see impacted his path of development. Still it cannot have been too huge .. otherwise all blind kids would be autistic
Strangely enough after having spend some part of the post diagnosis period mourning and feeling guilty -I am also learning to rejoice in the sheer beauty of R's unique and gorgeous mind and heart
After all - he may have lost the word fish .. but almost 3 years later.. he is getting it back again


aninont said...

I am crying as I am reading this blog.
Regressions scare me so much.
another thing about autism is that, some skills appear then disappear.
My therapists, will randomly throw words out like regressions.
Like in the last team meeting, one of them-whom I dont care for much, thought that he is regressing.
She did not even realise how the color of my face changed and how my eyes filled.
I dont think S is regressing.
I only wanted to make the point that only parents who have been through that horrific experience can relate to that... your child disappearing away....

btw.. another night with three hours of sleep. If I feel this way, I can only imagine how a 2 year old will feel and how can he get through three hours of therapy??
I need some good vibes..

Floortime Lite Mama said...

I will send you an email

danette said...

What a thought-provoking post.

We experienced regression with Little Bitty between 15 mos and 22 mos, it happened so slowly we didn't realize it at first but coming to terms with what was happening was painful, especially as he seemed to go further and further into himself and our little boy who used to be so outgoing that he would actually stare people down until they returned his smile, a few months later wouldn't even look up or blink when we said his name. Thank goodness for therapy, he has come a long way but he has had a lot of ground to make up and still has a long way to go in many areas. His big brothers, on the other hand, didn't regress but were delayed from the beginning. We just didn't realize why until they were dx'd. All of them still have the small "regressions" although I don't usually think of them that way, where they will gain a skill only to lose it again, and maybe it reappears again. Sometimes big gains in one area can be accompanied by taking a step back in other areas, sometimes it seems to be more stress related, and sometimes it just is...

Anyway, sorry to ramble, thanks for sharing your thoughts on this.

Laura said...

So beautiful and sad! We never had a regression. There was slow development, but then once the ear infections and eczema started popping up, the development slowed. Thinking about how our kids have struggled is painful! To not be able to tell us how they hurt or what they were frustrated about...fortunately Hutton can speak well enough now that he can tell me when he doesn't feel well.

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