Monday, August 4, 2014

4 weekends with Guests and a Wedding


My dear readers

 

If you have been wondering where I have been – I have been busy with guests this summer

 

4 weekends with Guests

 

DH and I learned the following rules after running the A& K B&B

 

  1. Meeting different guests show you all the different people you have been over the years- I dont think I have changed too much - everyone assured us we were just the same ( only fatter) 
  2. Don't make too much food unless you know exactly what your guests like  -- we made a lot of food that we ended up being wasted
  3. You can be blunt – these are your close friends. One day when everyone rushed into the kitchen to help clear up – DH just told them firmly to put all the plates in the counter and leave it for me as that is what I prefer. I could have hugged him – I was that grateful.( It is one of the most annoying experiences of my life with 2 people standing in the tiny kitchen- emptying the dishwasher and asking me questions at me as to where each cup and plate and spoon should go)
  4. R does really well with guests (MUCH better than I expected) but he is growing up.Still its important to give him some downtime. 
  5. He and I still need down time – DH somehow does not. On sightseeing days he would just take them by himself and I and R would stay at home
  6. Our guests were hassle free. These are all people with multiple servants at home. But they soon saw that DH and I were the butler and maid respectively so the all pitched in and cooked and cleaned and sometimes DH and I would eat a meal where we had made nothing  

Here are all the guests who were parts of our lives over the years 

From when DH was in school in 1970's  these guys stopped in and they were running a biking tour for kids

 


From when DH was an engineer  and was dating someone else


From when DH and I did a Forestry internship - Sambalpur in Orissa in 1996 and our team was kicked out of the Forestry guest house( place were govt. officials stay and sometimes poor interns are allowed to stay for free as well ) and an alum who had never met us – offered us a place to stay for 10 days –

 Now 18 years later he lives in Texas and  N has become like a brother to me and we are super close to his family- I really love his wife and am amazed by the pure acceptance that R gets with their family. Imagine we would never have met had we not been kicked out of the Guest House 



 

From when DH and I just met and we were studying  Forestry  in 1995in a small town in Bhopal – I was 20 when I met DH and I met and we used to live on Instant Noodles( Maggie was the Indian brand ) and D& P  became really close to us - DH and D ( below) also went to boarding school together.

They met when they were 8/9 and below are there two sons aged 8/ 9 almost  4 decades  later.

 



 

Work

A couple of weeks ago,  I spoke to my dear friend from my past job – he asked if I could still come back if they created my dream job.

I was surprised to realize that the answer was No

When did this change happen – when did I start to feel like Microsoft was home? 

Things are not any less crazier ( in fact if you read the papers you would know just how crazy they have been)

It's not just that I have adapted to Microsoft – its also that I am still managing to do things "my way "( touchy feely way) and that Microsoft seems to be giving a lot of importance to the soft skills side .

For instance -the other day I had a team off site and did things in a completely Bush way – example one of our exercises was to share something that no- one would guess.

We learned a lot of interesting things about each other – example someone shared that they women was an Israel soldier and a professional athlete, One very proper person said that he had started out as a professional DJ. 

For me it was that all the major decisions in my life have been on impulse- marrying DH( we literally fell in love at first sight and decided to get married the first week of being together – despite having next to nothing in common), choosing MR as a career, moving to America, coming to Bush, coming to Microsoft

 

R and imagination

R finally has real imagination – real bonafide imagination.

This is more than just the recreating of scenes which he still does. 

For instance, he has been reading a book called "caps for sale" – a story about a peddler who stacks a bunch of caps on his head to sell them.


Now of course he has to stack the caps on his own and my head 

We look like fools I can tell you . But I am so grateful that R is showing SO much imagination – that I do not care one tiny bit

Plus there is  real imaginationblooming.

Nowadays when he tells me to make something imaginary go "higher higher up" he looks at the imaginary object in the sky and I know he can see it

God

As we have had so many visitors – inevitable the question of faith has come up umpteen times.

I will confess that my child have two life altering diagnoses before turning 9 have made me want to ask god – why my child?

Here are the various bits of advice
  1. Visit your family deity and ask for help
  2. Go to a gurudwara – but always tell God that you accept whatever god has in store for you
  3. MIL, who is a super practical person had a long discussion with us on spirituality. MIL was talking about how in her cancer days – she had been feeling completely broken down and she decided to talk to God without any specific prayer. She had felt something physical rise within her and felt a connection to God and then she had just calmly surrendered to whatever would happen. In Christian literature this would probably be called "grace". In Hinduism they refer to this as the rise of the "Kundalini". And she never felt sick again during the chemo etc. She has been cancer free for 13 years
The god platitudes (god loves you more – so has given you extra trouble.. your child is just suffering from evil deeds of past life) give me the hives.

But faith feels good. 

While I acknowledge all the anger of  these past couple of years

I also know that I want to believe and that the two qualities of "acceptance" and hope that faith can give you are beautiful things.

My sister

Dear readers, do you know how close I am to my sister? 

 She also writes(infrequently) in  this cute blog

My dad, mum, sister and I are on an email thread that we all respond to - so on a normal day - I get at least 3 emails from them

She has moved to Dehradun- which is a small town in Uttaranchal. 

This is the place where DH is from. MIL and SIL live there now in a gorgeous house.

And coincidentally my sister and I were also both born in Dehradun  ( though DH and I would not meet for 20 years)

Now  that she is in Dehradun and going to all these places that I used to go to - I feel more incredibly nostalgic than ever 

I feel so nostalgic for the days when my niece was still a toddler ( she is now in college)  we were buying her  ladybug books from the stationary shop ( uniquitoud stores that sell books as well as school  and office supplies)  – I can see it in my mind's eye like it was yesterday and I right there in that little market behind our house


A wedding  

Today we went for KS's wedding – R was  so excited.

We dressed up to the 9's and discouraged R's plan to wear PJ's



We love Miss KS-   Alas she is leaving us because she is getting married and moving for her husband's job

She send me this special note a couple of weeks ago. Read it and you will know why she is so special to us 

About 2 weeks ago I wrote on his white board. "R I have something I need to ask you." He looked up at me. "I am getting married soon and I wanted to know if you want to come?" As he I watched his eyes read each word he started to smile. He took my pen and wrote in big letters "YES". Then I wrote something else "After my wedding R, I have to move away."  I watched again as his eyes skipped past each word. He looked up, clearly confused. I then wrote, "I am moving to San Diego on August 15th." He looked down and then grabbed the eraser and erased what I wrote. I left it at that, days went by and I would check his search history and find things like San Diego, hotels San Diego, and San Francisco. A year ago I was traveling a bit and would frequent San Francisco, he wouldn't see me for a few days but I would always return. I wondered if he thought I would come back like I did before. When his parents found someone who I could train to work in my place, I think he finally understood I was actually leaving. Tomorrow is the first day of the new therapists training with me, and although I was anxious about having to train someone I hadn't said much about it to R. Today R, was crying; I couldn't figure out what was up, at first I thought he was just trying to waste time because he was bored with division, but something just felt different. So I wrote on his board "Why are you upset" I handed him the pen and he wrote "because linsy is coming". It hit me Lindsay the new ABA therapist was coming tomorrow and he understood she was going to be taking my place. I wrote "do you want her to come" he looked down; then I wrote "Why are you sad that Lindsay is coming?" He held the pen in his hand for a few seconds wrote the word "because" and looked up at me, then continued to write "Alice the Camel." ----to anyone else this would have made no sense; but to me "Alice the Camel" is a joke we have about a song. He plays the song and giggles, waits for me to smile at him, I will start singing, he then hugs me, smells my hair, and starts doing his work. R, in his own way was telling me that he was sad I was leaving, I started to tear up he looked up at me, climbed onto my lap, and hugged me so tight. 

On her wedding -he was so a little sad when the ceremony was going on  without including him 
He told me loudly to "tell Miss KS that he wants to be in the show"

Of course I did not - as the show was her wedding ceremony!!

He sat there looking sad 
Even though we made a fuss of him


Until she came down the stairs and walked towards the audience. Then R rushed forward to take her picture.

She immediately stopped  and came to hug him. But he pushed her away so he could look at her and take pictures of her looking so beautiful 



Many of her  family recognized him as she has been telling them stories about him and showing them pictures  
Really while its been a very hectic summer - its also been a  great one. 

We are so blessed to have all these wonderful people in our lives 

Dear readers- here is what July was like for me 

I have to be up at 6 for a conference call  and yet I am so glad that I took the time to write down this long ramble 

Promise to come visit your blogs soon 

Good night 

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