The end of July

Since we are going to move in a month ( OMG I cannot believe it – 6 weeks ago we had NO idea we were going to end up moving across the country)  this last two weeks have been the emotional and physical logistics of getting ready for the move

Luckily- we are a pretty good team and divide up all the work -  DH is doing a large chunk of all the house and move related stuff – while I am trying to connect with parents there to find the best therapists , schools etc

There are so many things to do

1. Putting the cabin up for rental ( getting it rental ready)
2. Putting the house for sale ( and getting it sale ready)
3. Finding a house in Seattle  in the school district we want ( and something we can afford for the house prices in Seattle are making our eyes bug out )
4. Finding schools
5. Finding new therapists
6. Getting R , our beloved  therapists and us ready for a separation L- this one is truly hard as our therapists have become our friends and most of them have seen him from when he was a baby and did not know his own name

In the midst of it all life is also going on

A BOUNCE party

A friend of mine who adopted a child a year ago had her birthday party at a Bounce house

Its weird but though mom and daughter are of different racially – DH and I both noticed that the daughter  has started to look like mom

In fact two of my friends have and they are both here with their now complete families

Watching the happy family makes me all gooey eyed about adoption – its just such a wonderful thing

OMG R is having a blast – while as always he tries to avoid the kids – he is actually really excited about both the party and then the cake and pizza afterwards

The kid that is looking away ? yes that is my kid

( One thing gives me a pang – when R asks me several times to come sit with him and I realize that we are his only friends L )

A trip to Seattle

So we spend 4 days in Seattle in what my new employer calls a househunting trip

We are kind of excited about the trip as it feels like a short holiday and also we will be getting to the meet the lovely Rachel

R is super excited - the beloved mrs G has given him a "suitcase" which will be carried everywhere

But some of our joy is quelled by the vagaries of United - OMG how many delays can we have

R is a good traveler but I am really worried he will melt down

 He is happy to be drinking real sprite ( no water mixed, ) his Ipad and his black Doritos..

I am feeling very sorry for myself but the sight of a gorgeous woman striding along the concourse in Denver holding an icecream - with a prosthetic leg - helps me reframe my whiny thoughts
And  the view of Mt Rainier as we land is spectacular

We work with a really nice realtor and see a lot of Houses

One  houses has  really gorgeous view but the house is completely crappy and out of our price range – Dh falls in Love with it a little

Can you blame him ?

Another house has a dream eat in nook and I fall in love with it but DH is alarmed by the small closet in the master bedroom guessing ( correctly ) that he will not get any space in that at all

Since our rule is to never go with another’s veto – both these “dream houses “ are out

And we have put in an offer for a practical place – this is a short sale though- so it means a really long waiting ( the worst kind of wait – “Hurry up and wait “)-

We are perfectly willing to rent even if it is renting for a year so we are good

 Wish us luck – we know emotionally we are in a good place to bid for a short sale – not desperately in love, willing to rent for a while - please send us good vibes!!

Still it’s going to be a long and tiresome process, which we need to be mentally prepared for

R likes the area in general ( mostly becasue it has an Embassy Suites :-) ) and many vending machines and lots of pizza

Such is his simple heart

The new therapists

Academic focused ABA therapists

The first set of therapists we go to are a group of ABA therapists that come recommended by  a parent I got in touch with through the yahoo group ( thank you S and R )

We go there on Monday and they are running a social skills camp

It’s a little crowded – plus R is very very upset because 2 children are crying loudly ( this will eventually ruin our day as R is in an epic meltdown – crying and mewling to go back to his comfort zone – the horribly dated  embassy suites ) Our realtor ( also mother  of a special needs child ) scores very highly with us for being kind and making no comments on his terrible behavior

As punishment that night , I skip his whole bed time routine and he has to go to bed by himself – no story , no cuddles nothing !! Take that kid !

 What I like though is that the the head of the therapist is smart and makes R talk about why he is upset and make a drawing of the crying boy

He also suggests that we have some sessions in the office to work on social skills ( this raises my mommy hackles of course as I think R will have bad associations with that office but my cerebral side ( DH ) notices that there may be some benefit in it

We show him what we are doing with Teach me Language and he He shows us some of the things he is doing with another child ( who is says is “just like R “ ) where he is breaking down reading comprehension into tiny bits to enhance reading comprehension

Play based speech therapist-
R is VERY stressed out the next day as – he is anticipating a repeat of the previous day ( crying kids ) – so he is full of vocal stims and scripting . I am rather intrigued by how much he stims with scripts these days ( obviously we do not try to stop him as this is his coping mechanism as he is feeling anxious- and its much more important for him to feel relaxed then “impress” the new therapist )

I love the new speechie – she talks a lot about play techniques ( you can imagine how that goes straight to my heart ) And is completely accepting of R
Plus she is willing to do home visits another huge plus for us as it cuts down his time in the car

Now for the best part of the trip

Meeting Rachel , Mr Daddy and Itty Bit

Do you know the family that lives over at Once Upon a Miracle

Well you should definitely visit Rach's blog cause she writes fabulous posts

OMG this is so incredibly EPIC 

WONDERFUL

FANTASTIC

I have asked Rach to please makes sure that Itty does not feel bad if R does not engage with him

We have also spend time in the park to make sure R is feeling unstressed about meeting new people  ( as you know sensory stuff and playing outside is my prevention and cure for everything ) and it’s a GORGEOUS day

We meet in the downtown of a little neighboring town
They make a long drive to come and see us ( Thank you Rach  and Mr Daddy)

It is so wonderful - there is no awkward silence- Rach and I are like long lost buddies

Mr daddy and DH look like they have known each other for ever

Everything you think about these three from their blog, is true

They exude goodness, sweetness and light

We eat pizza, take walks and its like we have known them all our lives

Itty bit is fabulous - OMG he loves hamming for the camera

 – R and he are busy with their separate screens –

from time to time itty bit tries to engage and seems completely cool with R’s silences 

There is one thing fantastic about the special needs world -

Through it you will get in touch with some of the best people you ever knew

I

The last days of winter: Of small pleasures & lazy floortime

Ahhh what a thrill it gives me to write the name of this post .

 This winter has been one of the dreariest .

 No delightful snow , no sled rides .

Just great  endless grey skies and dreary rain

I am collecting pictures from my iphone  and piecing together the last days of winter from these


Small Pleasures 


The other day, while coming back from a work trip at an airport store, I and a collegue are browsing over a rack of magazines

It suddenly occurs to me how much every magazine that is for women is actually "from"women

Everything is about how to be in better shape, more organised, perform better

There is actually a magazine dedicated to the posterior- called GLUTES.

Even summer is not to be looked forward do but has to be met with performance anxiety because its  now "swim suit season"

Why do we do this to ourselves?

(DH is someone I often envy as he has a very simple attitude to life and it really comprises maximizing joy and not caring about what anyone thinks.  )

Surely we are not put into this life to clean kitchens, cook meals and lose weight.

I have been looking for things that give me pleasure just because they do.

Like my clothes

So one day I spend an hour arranging scarves in a drawer that no one will see but me

and

I make time to take long walks whenever the sun is out and take such pleasure in the flowers and Jane Austen on my Iphone

Two of my friends in the neighborhood I make impulse visits to.

Always I think that we dont have time, but everyone has 10 minutes

One of my friends has two auties and another has a husband who has been severely ill for a while  .

Both these women inspire me and we have the special bond that all people have been made to take the "scenic route" in life

I prioritize date lunch whenever I can - even if I have just an 45 minutes !

I and DH are also trying out new lunch places- we always try to see if we can avoid talking about work or autism logistics (though this is unavoidable to an extent )

Sometimes happiness comes spontaneously, despite all difficulty  to me .

Those times I feel like the Camus line "in the midst of winter, I found within me an invincible summer "

And sometimes I have to work really hard at it .

But always I focus on it

FLOORTIME

We are doing a peculiar kind of floorime these days -

A lot of loving and hugging and kissing and physical activity  .

Lots of lazy outside time anyday that there is sun

 Lots of impromptu picnics

And walks

I truly think that there is something in the unconditional acceptance and taking joy in a person's company that is deeply therapeutic to a child .

Its as though the child realizing that you do not have any agenda - opens his heart even more

R is seeking me out more and more - I literally cannot do anything without him at once bringing whatever he is doing to me (here I am trying to do some stretches )

(DH says he looks like a baby monkey in this picture - and I agree )

On the weekends we spend a lot of the morning lounging around lazily ... here  he is coloring in unmade bed even though we have been awake for a while

I resist the inner voice that tells me to "get ready" (for what?)

These luminous moments are the whole point of life

Strictly speaking, this is lazy floortime

Too much following the lead .

Too little building on it and challenging.

But we are getting a lot of joy out of this.

And, even though he does not seem so happy about school, there are some things that are spontaneously developing in him

For instance, for the first time I can make him interested in something that is interesting to me

This is a very sophisticated part of joint attention

For the first time in my life, I had the experience of driving with R in the car - have a fire-engine pass by making the sound - and pointing it out to R and R looking and telling me what it was

The other day for the first time ever, we played a very brief Hide & seek

Its something I could not have ever imagined  - that R would close his eyes and count to 10 while I hid and then he would find me

How did this magical thing happen?

These things are wiping away all the worry of some of his reading comprehension challenges at school ( which we are working with his therapists diligently on)

I truly think there is something about being fully present with all of our mind and heart .

Of taking great joy in the child we have, not some 2.0 version of that child - is very healing to both parent and child.

As I put R to bed , I firmly erase all the running commentary of the multiple to do lists( autism list, office list , chorelist , social lists) in my head

(How many precious bedtimes have I wasted thinking about the dishwasher that is waiting to be loaded?)

I think just of this sweet child and how much we enjoy him


Tomorrow there'll be so much to do
So tonight I'll drift in a dream with you
How long do you want to be loved
Is forever enough, is forever enough

                               Lullaby Dixie Chicks

The Last days of Summer

My dear readers  I am reconstructing the past 4  weeks with pictures, before they are gone from my mind

How is it August already ?

Just two more weeks till school starts

I always dread the start of school – as R does not seem to really enjoy school much anymore :-(

DH pointed out to me that 1) most kids don’t enjoy school 2) as long as R is not being bullied its fine 3) he needs to do things that he does not enjoy

While all this is true, I still want him to be happy and enjoy his day

This child has worked so hard since he was only 26 months…a mere baby

Often these days, the days of being a baby are getting past and I want to hold on to some carefree bits for him

The other day, when we returned from the cabin, he really wanted to go to buy Coke and Sprite ( which is his current obsession ) – we went to Weigel’s and bought the big bottles

( just so you know, he does not want to drink these beverages, just look at them and play with them )

I watched R stim off them and thought of turning it into a Floortime game

And then I stopped myself

Let it be, K I told myself

I took joy in his simple pleasure in these bottles

I remember once telling my MIL, whether she would consider a ketogenic diet for my SIL who has epilepsy

“No I wont”, said my MIL firmly , “Nidhi loves enjoys carbs and I am not going to ask her to cut those out”

At that time I wondered why my MIL would not do everything she could to help her child .

But now I do

OUTSIDE TIME

R is very very big on being outside these days.

Unfortunately it is horribly horribly hot

One day I am so grumpy as work has been terrible and when I get home , the air-conditioning has flooded the garage ( and leaked into the basement )

This is already my last nerve as a couple of weeks ago the washing machine flooded the basement

I am so overwrought and as soon as sit down - R is dragging my hand to go out - AND its 97 degrees

I want to yell - can I have 30 minutes please

But then I suddenly think that my autistic child is asking me to come play with him

And I re frame the situation - as its an invitation - an absolute privilege

I go out side

R collects all the objects of his desire and takes them into the trampoline - DH has purchased the number book series and he is crazy about them 

We really have a great time and I forget about how hot it is

( i remember when I was a small child - how I never used to feel hot, ever - though Delhi - where we lived was hot as the Hades and there was  no  air conditioning. And my school had a tin roof )

Another thing I am noticing is an improvement in Executive Functioning. Many Auties have a problem with Planning and coordination - but with R when he is interested We are noticing some improvement in this.

LANGUAGE and READING COMPREHENSION

We read lots of books- he tries to simplify the books with themes

He will look at the pictures of the polar bear for instance and will say "Polar Bears" Then he will add  "no seals".

This is fine and clever as he is able to say 2, 3 things about everything in this way  - by describing what it is and then  what its not

I know he has a lot to say and lot of desire to say it - but he does not know HOW

No matter ! . This too will come

This has been the summer of reading comprehension and while its a long journey we are definitely making headway

What is equally impt I think is that he LOVES books - I am so glad for books have always been my haven

One night when I ask him to pick what books he would like to read, he chooses this great pile of 27 books !!!

I often wonder how much he understands for he often categorizes books based on his own agenda - rather than on the story

So for instance , he will point to a picture of a furry lynx and say - "snow" and then at the Great Bengal Tiger and says "no snow "

But when I am reading the story of the "The Invisible Moose" he cries as though his heart will break when the beautiful moose is stolen .

And when she is found again, he jumps up and down on his bed happily!

I think of the scene in Strange Son when the dad finally realises how much his son comprehends while seeming uncomprehending and asks him  

"Dov what were you doing all these years "

Dov types back "Listening"

It gives me the goose-bumps when I read this and I often think of R with apraxia and how important it is to presume intellect

Trip to Atlanta 

I have a work trip and DH and R come along as the Great Coke museum is there as this beverage  is R's current obsession

We stay in a hotel in Centennial Park - can you see the CNN building in the background

( probably the high point of R's Trip )

R snuggles with a rubber snake and DH  and I skeeve all my friends out by uploading a picture of him kissing the - most realistic snake that it is !!

Though R has been obsessed with Coke for a while - when he goes to the Coke museum he is done in 10 minutes .

( he talks about it for days later  though )

I hear him talking to his therapist the other day  -Papa takes me to Statue Of Liberty and Coke Museum
while  Mama take him to "Starbucks"-

Way to make me sound weak !!!

Friends

We spend a lot of time with friends in July and August

We have a bunch of friends that spend the weekend with us at the cabin

I simply love the way R is completely accepted by all my close friends .

R is so comfortable with these wonderful little girls . These are the first few children he actually seeks out

They take their various screens go into the bedroom and close the door behind them

So giddy are the three of them ( though R really is not interacting per se ) that when I and my friend go to make up a air-bed for the girls - the kids keep jumping on the bed

As soon as we get one child  off , another leaps on the bed

My friend and I start to laugh and laugh

So we give up and come back later when they all have calmed down somewhat !

In Atlanta we visit another old  friend's. home- she was my roomate in grad school and we have stayed close ever since to her and her dogs

Their house is gorgeous and has a swimming pool and a  river close by

And R - water child as he is has a lovely time in this gorgeous place

The beginning of school 

Is always incredibly stressful for both me and R.

But that time is here now and we must make the most of it

My friends always compliment me on how much I live in the moment and appreciate life

I seem to be a great optimist

But sometimes I wonder if I am a pessimist in disguise

For the person who really treasures their present , is also the person who is aware of how fragile it is

Each day as I leave for work, I watch R and DH sleeping, turned to each other - like a big C and a little c.  I listen to their breathing, thankful to God - that my precious ones are with me

Each time I hear my family's voice on the phone or read their words over an email - I think - thank you god they are still with me .( for my parents growing older,the little time I get with my sister  breaks my heart )

Though I am so enjoying R's childhood,

Always behind this great joy, is the feeling that its slipping away

That soon I will no longer be able to be the source of joy that I am now

That one day, he will see himself through eyes not as adoring as mine

I think, in  counting the weekly hours of therapy and measuring progress, there is a very real danger of missing these precious childhood years

Dear reader if you have stayed with me this long - thank you

I started this blog as a sort of stern voice and record for my floortime sessions

It has long transcended that purpose

It has become  way to connect with myself and be  the keeper of my memories

But its also become a way to connect with other mothers and fathers like you

When I write these posts, I  think of the little boy of Tagore's poem "Paper Boats.

 In this poem, a little boy, floats paper boats, after writing his name on them -hoping someone will find them

Paper Boats  by Tagore 


Day by day I float my paper boats one by one down the running stream.


In big black letters I write my name on them and the name of the village where I live.


I hope that someone in some strange land will find them and know who I am.

When night comes, I bury my face in my arms and dream that my paper boats float on and on under the midnight stars.

The fairies of sleep are sailing in them, and the lading is their baskets full of dream

What we did in the beginning of July

The 3 day weekend

Lovely July starts with a 3 day weekend which I am very excited about ‘

Some of our couple friends come over and its very nice

They comment on how much R talks now .

Indeed I need to constantly remind myself that his talking is such a great gift.

Just 2 years ago we wondered if he would ever talk

Intuitively he knows that I am going to leave for a 3 day business trip on Tuesday and is stuck to me constantly ( though I now theorize, that he is actually paying attention to when DH and I talk and so he knows I am leaving before I make a schedule)

In the evening I decide to take a walk and usually R wants to stay behind but this time he insists on coming with me

I love his company and tell him so.

I love love love talking with him

Many of my questions go unanswered, he only answers the ones that are interesting to him

In the trail around the cabin, someone has parked two cycles

R points to them and says excitedly “ride a bicycle”

I reply “ They are not ours “

R bargains “First walk, then bicycle”

I reply "No bicycle, they are not ours , why do you want to cycle ?"

R replies “ Exercise”

We stop several times to look at the setting sun from different angles

R says “yellow circle”, “red circle “( very true)

He looks at a cabin ( which is much smaller than ours but has the whimsical name “kiss the moon” and so we all like it a lot – this is in sharp contradiction to other cabins that have been titled. "kiss me goodnight” – too coy even for me . Allison’s dream – cool but only if you are Alison , Sand-al’s – where is the sand ?)

He says “ I want to live in Kiss the moon”

He smells leaves

And when I ask him why , he replies “ Leaves smell pretty”

The child is so interesting .

One of my friends said that the greatest gift a parent can give to a child is to be interested in them, who they are

This is true ,

But sometimes I think this may also be the greatest gift you give yourself. 

As being truly interested in your child ( in fact in all your loved ones ) is a sure way to enjoy them.

Business Trip

I leave on my work trip and as is R’s usual behavior – he does not sleep the night before

DH and I have gone to bed late as we have to take care of a lot of things since I wont be home the next three evenings –

so we are none to happy when R is awake 12pm -3am  and then in a few hours its time to wake up and drop me to the airport

I hand R the schedule

Now that the time for me to leave is actually on us, R is fine.

He is like me, in that, he dreads unpleasant future events so much, that he experiences them much before they actually happens.

So when the event actually happens he is already halfway through it

While I am on my trip , we talk on Facetime on our Ipads for the first time ever and its lovely .

I LOVE technology – I sing songs to R and he demands I sing “Dancy dancy dance “.

 He keeps trying to get me to sing more songs though its time to leave and I am loath to end the call, so hungry I am for how he dances around the room giggling in excitement

Reading

We have been really working on comprehension skills with R .

Like many hyperlexic kid, R could read by himself at 3.

However being able to read does not mean, being able to comprehend

He is tutored for 2 hours everyday on this

He is getting so addicted to books.

He is as excited about going to the library as most children would be about going to a toy store

We discovered a new series of books. "My numbers books" by Jane Moncure.

These books are very childish . But that is where his level is and so they are perfect for him

He spreads them around and enjoys them tremendously , gloats over them in fact

He talks about the museums a lot ( yes the same museums in New York that he was so lackadaisical about).

With his therapist, - and then he wants to say something about the Statue of Liberty, but he is not able to articulate it properly.

So Gypsi  hands him a white board  and he draws this .. he went to see the Statue of Liberty with his Papa

I am so delighted with the picture , DH could literally use it as his passport picture ( almost)

Miss Gypsi shows him books and makes him describe pics

He is finally starting to get this and describes the emotions correctly ( rudimentary emotions )

Like in the following picture - the two characters have gone outside and are having fun playing in the rain - but the sun comes out and they are sad

R identifies correctly that they are sad becasue the rain has ended

Outside time  

Though its hot and sweaty outside, R loves to be outside these days

He also has taken to wandering around the front yard.

The other day he was off to visit Matt, his therapist's fiancee. His house has a lot of coke and sprite and clearly R think this makes Matt, king.And us, mere peasants.

One day he is pestering DH to take him to Kroger to "meet coke and sprite"

When DH tells him exasperatedly that he should just go by himself, R sets off ,

In a panic, we discover that he is not home and start the hunt

Luckily while he was off to Kroger , he is distracted by our neighbor's flowers and is busy playing with them

I and DH resolve to never joke about this kind of stuff with R, as he does not get irony

We discover interesting bugs

Friends visit

Have you ever met your online friends and though you are meeting for the first time  its like you have known each other forever

This weekend I met with one  my friends and her family  from my blogging life - it is SOOOO awesome

I have to laugh when I see the spread we have laid out for them.

Along with the homemade breads ( carbs are my thing ) , we have prepared bacon, ham and sausage

( pork is DH's thing- and he has not been discouraged in the least by recently taking R for his first movie - Charlotte's web- which is all about a little pig who is trying to not get slaughtered  )

Here she is - isn't she beautiful ?

We had to laugh at how alike our husbands look ( we have often joked how alike they are in temperament )

We have so much fun with their kids

Their daughter is so funny and charming - my friend tells me stories of her school that have us in splits

Their little daughter has a "boyfriend"

He is the Head honcho in his class

The reason for being the head honcho is that he has  the whole trifecta of amazing  qualities which are as follows  - 1. he can tie his shoe lace, 2. he can snap his fingers AND 3. he can whistle

The little girl has an admirer who is always bringing her presents- like toothbrushes and combs  ( which it is suspected that he steals from his sister )

R is SUPER stimmy - but we have made it a law to not keep "correcting him" when he does this as long as he is not ill mannered

Plus , for some reason he is stressed out. And  telling him to stop using his coping mechanism( however odd they may look )  makes no sense

When they leave, my friend jokes to her husband that I probably know more about him than he could imagine

DH asks me later - if all my online friends know a lot about him and if I complain.

"A little bit", I answer though honestly there is not much to complain about  "mostly I wish you were a neat freak and you gushed over me" ( for I am a praise junkie )

"Come on" - I add - "there must be things about me you dont like , something you wish I could change"

"Nothing," says my love

Nashville Trip

When R was really little, DH and R would come with me when I went on a business trip if we were at a drive able distance. We would just take a little therapy break

Now with school that is no longer possible - but since its the summer , DH and R come along with me to Nashville

Since I have traveled so much this summer, I am very grateful to not have the extra guilt of being away from R

The trip is very arduous, as in the facility I am having my meetings, the airconditioning is off and its 95 degree weather

We take a break to go to Starbucks - and guess what we see in the Parking Lot

( everyone walks away unscathed thank goodness )

While we are driving back, we find that R has lost one of his books ( which is a library book and we will probably have to pay 30 dollars or so in fines  ) in the Hilton , plus we have left my french-press mug which was a gift from DH and much prized by me

This one - how cool it was

DH and I bicker about exactly whose fault it was

According to him, its my fault, as I always bring too many things and also was texting him while he was packing which distracted him

According to me, I was right, because he should have looked under the beds as R spends so much time on the floor and he was doing the packing up

We bicker ( for we really no longer fight ) away.

And suddenly I see R trying to get my attention from the back seat - for he hates us bickering and is trying to distract me

"I love mama .. I love mama .. I love mama " he is chanting, with that eager expression on his face

Its true , life is not the breaths you take,

Its the moments that take your breath away

What we did in May

I have been absent from the blogosphere for about 3 weeks now . Too much work .And too much life happening. Promise to visit all my dear bloggy friends this week and catch up 
I did take pictures on my phone  this month and so I am writing about it month while I still remember, for the sake of reminiscing  later.

IEP meeting

We had an IEP meeting at school. His overall plan is good

1. Half regular ed with shared aide and
2. Half day special ed with two teachers - both of whom we really like

DH and I think this makes sense

The most important  accommodation we are hoping to work out - is that he come to school late to he can do his speech therapy in the morning. We think we will be able to arrange this

Evaluations

This has been VERY painful as he tests HORRIBLY

 His teacher showed us some test results - painful to read

Example he did not answer questions like _6_ .. as in what comes before and after 6  ( he has known numbers since he was 3 !!)

Glad his teacher sees his strengths

She said rightly that there is an intelligent child in there - but that academic success is about how well you present. And not what is in your head

Much as it is painful - she is absolutely and completely right

Reading comprehension

In terms of just reading - R reads at the 2nd grade level - but his comprehension  of sentences and concepts is poor.
 I talked to some of my friends and Reading Comprehension is really one of the biggest problems ( whole post coming up later on Reading comprehension )

We reminded our whole team that R has only understood language for the past one year and so to think of his comprehension issues as a 3 year old and not a 6 year old

Once reminded, they were all amazed at how far he has come. Its amazing how quickly we forget the challenges we have already overcome and get fixated on the challenges yet to come.

Its his ability to travel that we need to demonstrate.

 I think everyone - even educators custom their approach on perceived capacity to learn and that is why we need to always show that his ability is great

Tonsils surgery

DH "spontaneously" decides to get his tonsils out . His doctor has an opening that week and the schedule it right away

I read about tonsil surgery recovery on message boards and hear about how painful and horrible it is .

 I plead and plead  with DH to not have this surgery but DH claims those people are "wimps and pansies" and have "milk running through their veins".

That all I need to do "drop him back home on Friday after surgery and  just go back to the office after that".

However after the surgery - we realise that those people were not wimps and pansies after all and that their describing this surgery as the "worst torture anyone could go through" is actually rather an understatement.

We have a difficult week as DH is in a lot of pain and  I have to do a lot of things that DH does ( like grocery shopping, carrying laundry here and there, getting R ready for school etc )

Though its difficult there are many funny moments too. Like one morning, when I forget to call in the day to check on how he is as I am running from meeting to meeting, I get a voicemail from DH which goes like this "

"if you are done putting the man on the moon, maybe you could  find a few minutes to call to check on your husband".

My big strong DH is not usually prone to self pity( that along with a tendency to martyrdom  is usually my thing)  and this voicemail makes me laugh till I cry

The start of summer vacation

How can I describe the glow on R as soon as school is over?

I think being home with DH is one of the most therapeutic things for R.

DH is one of those people who carry a very calm, soothing and accepting atmosphere.

The thing that worries me is what will happen when school starts - its an even longer day and I just wonder if it will wring out R

Though I love his teacher, school is becoming a great source of anxiety for me .

I wish there was more flexibility - that we could do school for 3 days and a kind of homeschool with therapists for 2

Its difficult to leave home everyday as he watches from the garage door dolefully - can you see him standing on his toes watching me leave sadly ?

Mother's day

One of R's therapists gets him to make a Mother's Day card - she writes down a social story about Mother's day
I adore this card and stick it on the wall and R beams with pleasure

Play and Language

His spontaneous language is coming along great

The other day his PT was stern with him and he told me later when I asked him  mean and mad"

When I asked him how that made him feel , he said  "worried"

This is really great language expression for him

His pretend play skills have increased a lot

He goes around finding spider webs and singing "Little Miss Muffet " to them

He plays out his version of "The wonderpets Save the Dinosaur " by trying to get me to rescue bugs of all sorts who are "trapped " in spider webs . We must sing the wonderpets song and rescue them

One of the "Little  Einsteins" story he loves right now is about a little totem pole that gets "build upon"  and becomes a big totem tale thanks to the shenanigans of the and he replicates this with megablocks
This is his version of the "Tall Totem Tale "

Music

One of the things R loves most is music and song

Earlier it used to be me who would make up songs for him and now its he who is always adapting

His current obsession is "Coke and Sprite" ( no idea why ) 

There are also some super geeky parodies on youtube that R watches regularly ( the guy who put up that video must be wondering at the great increase in views :-) )

He also takes basic songs that he will sing to the different words

For instance if I take the tune of "There was a farmer had a dog , bingo was his name o "

and take it to "there was a green bottle with sprite.. sprite was its name o "

he will quickly make the same song about Coke and Fanta

His music interest is burgeoning as this week he goes to his teacher and play a tune ( Mary had a little lamb ) that she has never taught him but he learned from Nick Jr

The other thing I am pretty impressed ( but I am easily impressed by R ) by is how he notices the patterns of music. He keeps organising songs by tunes.

While a sing to him all the time - I have never noticed this until he points them out ( like the ABC song, Twinkle twinkle little star, Baa baa black sheep - all have the same tune )


Engagement

His general engagement in life is great right now. The other day DH and I are bickering in Walmart ( stupid AT& T has bad coverage and we cannot find each other ) .

R for the first time ever - takes my hand in one hand and DH's in the other and puts our hands together -

He is constantly dragging me everywhere with him ( another reason why I cannot blog ) to do experiments like learn about shadows by looking at the shadows of numbers
( I really love this )

He still expands in breadth and not in length -

like if he has a theme going on - where all the Little einsteins get into the rocket to fly away in a mission - that is where the story ends .

If I introduce an idea - like get a bunch of "umbrellas"  from DH's bar ( very enticing I think- colorful perfect replicas of umbrellas  ) and say that The Little Einsteins have landed on a rainy island and need umbrellas - he will promptly reject my idea

This is the crux of Floortime - to have a long unpredictable exchange.

You start with their interest - but the idea is to take the exchange down unpredictable paths and have the child come along

What I am noticing however is that while he rejects my idea at the time - he will try it on a little later .

So later that afternoon he takes the Little Einsteins with unbrellas .

And this morning he informs me that "rain and umbrellas go together"

I think Autistic children have many ideas and thoughts and its us that are not usually able to see

I think if one has an NT child or has had spend a lot of time thinking of and longing for an NT child - its hard to see the beauty of the special needs child .

Its like the son and the moon.

And how you cannot see the moon when the sun is out bright and shining

But for DH and me who have only known our autistic son .

For us there is no longing for the sun , we revel in the beauty and magic of moon light

I wake up in the morning with my head on DH's shoulder and hear a small doleful voice at my side

"Mama is hug Papa .. papa is hug mama"

The child hates being left out

DH pulls him up between us and he says "mama and papa hug R"

My little family

My circle of love