The week of March 22; In which we see Pretend Play Progress

The weekend

I finish all my cooking really fast on Saturday and there is  still a lot of the glorious Sunny Saturday left

DH and I have worked like maniacs and ALL our work is complete

OMG how beautiful the sunny neighborhood looks

We simply have a lovely time - lolling about in the trampoline- R and I - playing our silly games

R commanding me to sleep - then I wake up at the count of 10 -  I count all the way to 9  -

Then build up the anticipation ..

R wrigles and squeals and says 10 giggling .

At which point I wake up suddenly  with a lot of drama and tickle him

The games are very childlike- we-have a great time though

Another game is making me sing - he will command me to sing Jingle Bells .. midway through - he will demand I switch to Rudolph the red nose.

He gets a major kick out of this and wil giggle and squeal as I switch songs "on demand"

Then we hold hands and run - till he says STOP ... then he says GO and we run again

The sound of his laughter is like nothing I can describe

So delightful - it fills my heart !

We ride his bike and R does this pretty well . Its a small trike that my friend gave him last summer

He needs the gravity  but does relatively  well

R insists we" back"( bike ) to Ucy's house ( lucy's house )

So we do

Lucy is back after a back breaking day of selling her frig and buying a new one

She is off for more good works and is off to an old lady's house who lives in our neighborhood

She says "Bye darling" to R and to my surprise he replies "Bye dar-ing"

She is looking so tired that while she is off - I go back home and leave a big bowl of Minestrone soup  and Parmesan cheese  for her and Eli's dinner on her porch

I always think Food cheers up people

Later in the night she calls me on the phone and the spring is back in her voice :-)

It really feels lovely to do something nice for someone ( though I feel too goody goody gum drops for words - even typing this )

Sunday

Our Hanen speechie  is to comes home today for a video session

We are supposed to show a game that we play with R -

 this is an impossible task - We pull out this game and try to play with R - the idea is to put the alphabet on the picture that it starts with so to put "m" on the picture of milk

R gets this quickly and finishes off the puzzle...... by himself ( which is not the point AT ALL )

However, when we try to take turns with him... its like pulling teeth

he slumps - his whole body limp  - in an act of passive resistance


Our Hanen speechie  gives us an idea - just to give him the patience to do the game - to keep it really short

We write on a sheet of paper -

1. R's turn ,
2. Mom's turn,
3. Papa's turn
4. R's Turn
5. Mom's turn
6. Papa's turn
7. All done - get 3 Junior Mints

We cross off as each turn is done and we do OUR FIRST TURN TAKING GAME

Yippeee

She also had many other  great tips

While reading a book describe what HE is looking at ( not just read the book as you think it should be read) This is FABULOUS example of the Floortime principle of following the lead and an example of how many of the principles that encourage communication are similar in Hanen Floortime  Sonrise and RDI

DH has made a book  called "My Family " where he has put pictures of R and all the people in his family with a description of each picture - like a picture of him and R with a description of who they are - and some simple things they do together - like eat lunch on Friday at the Mall.

This is a masterful idea

R loves this and I think we will soon have a library of "R books "

Do video modeling - so do a pretend play sequence - with  some dolls - make a video and show it to him
Then see if he can copy the sequence. Her theory is that .. he would start to add his own variations
I am eager to try this out

We also show her what we do with Wii Fit - she loves it and gives me some great ideas

1. Create a disruption - ( example : put the remote on my head instead of in my hand )
2. Put my face right next to the screen
3. Speak less and with HIGH affect

Tuesday

T his therapist is here after many days

R makes a big fuss of her - holding her face, stroking her hair  and kisses her cheeks in that charming way he has - T asks me if she can take him home

DH has found the 100 calories popocorn snack bags - I tell him that the 100 calorie bag is just as satisfying as the 220 calorie bag

This of course reminds me that I could be using the same principes on the dreadful Wii Fit that is ruining my eveining

And so I set the timer for 40 minutes

And we are able to have a lovely time on the trampoline as a result

R still has a lot of something that looks like Separation Anxiety-

 I go off for a quick walk while he is eating his little snack after dinner - when I come back I find R snuggling on the couch with DH tearfully saying Mother mother

He is very reproachful and I have to humbly woo him back.

Wednesday

Today is the one day when we can have a date lunch - DH is in his last Hanen class - and he is late coming back

he tells me to meet him at Bravo's  and order pig for him

its 12.15 by the time I get there and we get a rotten table and I have to sit by myself and order our meals

This is not my idea of a date lunch at all - for I love to chat in a leisurely fashion- not be starving and shoveling the bread in my mouth without regard for calories or grace

Still its better than nothing

I am full of reproach at how late he is but cannot say anything as he is after all, coming from a Hanen  class- "doing all the works" as he tells me righteously

As soon as we get the meal - we  have to ask for a box and the check...

While his therapist is here - the front door opens and shuts ( DH has asked someone to come to estimate new windows )

 R runs down and is very releived to see I am still home.

He simpers at me happily and walks backwards up the stairs with his therapist - so he can look at me till the very last minute 

E smiles and says "was there ever a child who loves his mama more "

Really we are  very very blessed to have R as our  child 

He is the best thing ever 

The great thing i am noticing with Pretend play these days is that R repeats what I did yesterday

So if I had Annie and Leo dolls play "Ring a ring a roses" he will try to do it again

This is wonderful - guess who did bedtime with us today

Yes - its Diego

He does not have an original repertoire but he finally truly gets pretend play

Thank you god

And now I must go to sleep because tomorrow is another long day at work

Week of Feb 15

Saturday and Sunday

We spend the weekend in Gatlinburg – I book a little cottage.

And of course, AFTER having booked and paid 100%- I decide to look at the reviews on trip-advisor

The people who have stayed in this cottage are completely of different opinions.

One claims that this is the best place they have ever stayed in.

Another claims its musty and moldy.He expresses shock that there are not mushrooms growing beneath the bed . He further adds, that the manager yelled at him and frightened his 71 year old mother !

As the time for us to check-in draws closer –I am leaning more and more towards the second person's review and have convinced myself that the first review was a fake one written by the owners of the cottage.

Filled with pre-emptive dread, I am fully convinced that we will be spend the night on a bed of mold and shall be yelled at by the diabolical manager, if we dare to complaint.

The cottage turns out to be one of the cutest prettiest places we have ever stayed in –large, shiny, new and cheerful and the manager the next morning is a genial man oozing Southern charm and does not yell at all!!!

Gatlinburg is gorgeous – especially when there are not too many people around!

It snows gently. DH, I and R sit in companionable silence.

I feel I am in a Snow globe. I have a simply lovely time imagining myself as an elf  (wearing a red and white pinafore) with an elf family living in a little house in the hollow of a tree with a lantern in the window

There are mountain people and there are beach people.

I think we are mountain people, even though both R and I tend to get car sick in the mountains

The ice is as treacherous as its beautiful.

At one point, our 4WD has its wheels turning precariously. DH tells me and R to get off and stand far away .
He looks tense and I am quite frightened because its takes a lot to get DH nervous.

Once we are all safely on clear roads – DH claims that he was not nervous  and simply did not want me and R to "feel a thud" and was "not at all in fear of our lives".

We are looking at cabins in case we end up buying one.

The cabins on the market are lovely.

But some have sad stories of the way we are talking over the natural beauty of the Smokies – for some builders have taken a mountain over and just build many many cabins without any desire to try and fit in with the surrounding.

 These cabins look like boils on the mountain.

There is a sign on a gorgeous mountain – which says "Approved for 400 units" and this makes me shudder!!!

DH and I have classified the cabins into the following

• Pimples ( many cabins on one mountain),
• A-shaped ( the swiss Chalet Style )
• Veiled Bride ( the one that have a large upside down U shaped roof ),
• Babbling Brooks ( ones on the side of a noisy stream- we love these )
• Scenic Views ( nice view of mountain – don't have to see too many people)
• Fakey – Mc Fake ( where the builder has added a lot of pretentious olde-time touches like a water wheel, a cart etc )

Another thing that makes me sad is the story of foreclosures that some of these cabins tell

One cabin -that DH loves because it has its own pond and a horse riding farm next to it – has an eviction notice on it and an abandoned Barbie trike in the backyard.

Tears fill my eyes when I imagine the little girl whose home this may have been.

DH looks at my teary eyes and hastily says that this must have been an extra investment home (this I notice is not unlike the doggie-heaven story that people give their kids when their pets have died) .

But I am inconsolable and say we could never live here.

Resignedly he moves on!

Monday

We play a bit .

Owing the Vitamin M, R falls asleep really fast.

(He bursts into tears in the bathtub – he is that sleepy )

This leaves me and DH free to watch Northanger Abbey – this is a lot of fun.

People do not change much over the time

These people in their gowns in the 19^th century desperately are looking for the right match – the woman with a good annual income, the man with the connections are just like many people today !

( except, of course, for the hero and heroine who are only interested in true love )

Our single friends, 200 years later than Jane Austen's characters , claim to be "commitment phobes".

However, we always tease them that its not the phobia of commitment but the feeling that there may be better fish in the sea – that causes their reluctance towards nuptials


Tuesday

Our School speechie came in and did our Hanen Training .

She suggests an interesting thing to encourage speech - instead of pointing out interesting things in the environment - we should try to notice what R is looking at and then describe it

This is subtle but powerful

So for instance if he is looking at the frig - we could say "The frig?.. the frig keeps things cold"

I ask about Pretend play and she gives us some suggestions that we are already doing

1. act out with the toys things that are already part of his routine
2. act out scenes from what he watches with the toys

I think DH is her star student ( as he should be -he really is amazing at playing with R and has a very calm air about him)

Surprisingly R is starting to show some joint attention

When DH is playing "airplane" with R –a song is going on on you –tube "there was a lady "

R is loving the game with DH but he is also interested in the song and we notice he is laughing and constantly looking at Dh and the speechie video-recording – to share in the joy

This is brilliant

R 's acquiring words everyday-Its stilted and immature but its correct .

He sees me with a towel wrapped turban-style around my wet hair

He says "come here "

I coo and ask  "Mama come here ?"

He touches my hair and says "Com hair" ( comb hair )

Thursday

DH and I have a nice lunch at Chili's

I plan carefully ( as I am now on Weightwatchers . must get weighed tomorrow and I really don't want to do the walk of shame ) and order a Chicken Green Chile soup

Its low in calories and also low in satisfaction

I absentmindedly down some of DH's fries and stop in a panic

When I come home .. the sun is shining and we go outside and jump

We left a toy tea-cup in the trampoline many days ago and R runs to it and we sing "I am a little tea pot"

R wants to do the WiiFit but we are only able to get halfway before his therapist gets there. We are unable to do "Soccer heading "- one of his faves

I do bedtime tonight – R takes a long time to sleep as I did not give him melatonin today

I am thinking over my day as I usually do before I go to sleep  – gloating over the joyful bits and mourning over the sad bits

When suddenly I hear a small voice say  "Soccer Heading " ( this is the game we were interrupted in )

Then I hear the same small voice croon in a tune "Soooooowy day" ( "snowy day"- this is the song he was listening to on You tube )

Suddenly with a rush of happiness – I realize that R is doing exactly what I am doing – going over his day in his head !

My little boy!

Just like me!

The week of Feb 8th

Saturday and Sunday

Dreary weather and overscheduled and busy

Really little accomplished in terms of playing

We were out and about in the Smokies on Sunday and had a really nice time.

Not in the mountains but  in the McDonalds there- LOL

R is a little carsick and we are all  very tired  though it was also Superbowl Sunday - the roads were all empty

Mcdonalds with its -what-you-expect-is-what-you-get food was such a welcome relief.

Plus real Coca Cola ( not the diet stuff ) always makes me feel better

When I am stressed or tired - I love sameness

Little wonder that Auties love schedule and ritual ( as ordinary life must feel pretty stressful )

Not just the food and the open space, but there was a left over Sunday newspaper -

I jumped on the jumble word and DH pounced on a crazy Soduku which had 5 sections

 R ate 8 nuggets and we were all happy

I am usually very good with jumbles but this one eluded me and is still nagging me - TORROA

Monday

I had a work lunch at a Mexican restaurant where while I ate only half of the Chicken Quesadilla - it was an ode to Cheese ( and fat ) and has gone straight to hips

Thankfully Weightwatchers is starting on Friday and hopefully I will get some of this blubber off

I had gone to work REALLY early so I came home ON TIME

Woo hoo

I was chatting with DH downstairs when R hears my voice and came running down the stairs - I squeal with joy and twirl him around and around till we are both were dizzy

I tell him I am simply mad for him and in return he holds my face and kisses my cheeks and forehead in that enchanting way of his

Really he is a dream come true

R and I play for almost 1.5 hours before his therapist came - we jumped on the trampoline and played with the dollhouse  in the playroom

R makes the father doll stroke the mother dolls hair and he puts their son on the potty.
 
As always,  he throws the baby away and I am glad we are not planning to have any more children - as R's feelings in this subject have always been perfectly clear

We are having trouble going to sleep again and I think it may be time to try Vitamin M !

Tuesday

 I talk today with a mum for over an hour - she is a friend of a friend and has got a diagnosis of ASD for her child and I get a lot of satisfaction in helping her find out resources and give her some advice regarding her son

I have got myself back in the mode of playing with R in the evening rather than all of us vegetating in front of our screens - interrupting - just for kisses and cuddles

Now, I think its time to move our interaction to the second portion of floortime which is not just following the child'd lead but challenging them to build greater circles of communication

Something that Stanley Greesnspan says in one of his podcasts is that

“if when you are doing Floortime with your child and you can predict the response that your child is going to make then you are not really doing Floortime…..if you can predict it then you are basically doing rote patterns of play not really Floortime… and the child is basically responding from a memory pattern....  not really creating a new interaction ”

which is the case when we are doing tickle /babysandwich games etc

So here is my challenge to myself for today evening - not just create the time and space for joyful interaction  ....but also challenge him to build more and more circles of interaction

In the evening

This was interesting - we did do about an hour of Floortime - we went to the playroom and played - did little bits of pretend play and I followed his lead and tried to deepen the plot.

 Example,  when he would pick up the plastic ice cream cone - I would use a finger puppet to beg for some icecream so R would feed me.

If he would play with the teapot - I would become Elmo and use the Elmo doll to ask for a cup of tea

 The only problem was that his attention would keep wandering to the next shiny object

From the bowling pins to Thomas the train to any new book ...............his interest would wander to the next shiny object

How should we lengthen the engagement with one activity ?

I really think some  of it may be to actually redirect his attention back to what we were playing with and I will try this today

The ADD aspect of Autism is interesting .

It is my belief, that many  Auties appear to have a deficit in attention - it actually does not-  for R stem from a true deficit in ability to pay attention

But rather that he pays attention to the things he wants to pay attention to( like the computer )  - not the things that we want him to pay attention to

He was also sleepy and tired in the evening ( he has not been sleeping well at all ) and I finally broke down and gave him a 1/3rd dose of Vitamin M ( melatonin)

He was out like a light at 8.10pm

Wednesday

R slept through the night and and woke up almost 9.5 hours later.

As he went to bed early - DH and I were thrilled to get some TV to watch by ourselves

As though to thwart our pleassure in the evening - House MD and The Big Bang theory - our faves were unusually boring

I had a couple of meetings cancelled in the morning and asked DH if I could come with him to the Hanen program

The training however only lasted for less than an hour!

A few flurries of snow are enough to put the city in a state of panic and the school was sending kids home early

Really liked what I saw though .. some examples of how to modify your routine to enhance language

Frequently the trainer says - auties dont really understand words-  but simply use contextual cues to understand what is happening

For example, they may not know the word "bed time " but are aware of what we do each evening .
So, when you say bed-time - along with all the activities around bed time - they guess that bedtime is happening though they do not know the meaning of the word

The solution is to - take some routines that we do everyday - use simpler and the same language each time
example

1. bath
2. fill bathtub
3. get inside
4.  soap
5. finish bath
6. empty bath tub
7. Put letters, numbers in basket
8. Lotion
9. Shirt
10. Pant

Another thing we learned was how to get more complicated and abstract concepts across in regular language

Like when we offer  snacks to R

We could ask "which snack do you want"? and offer choices while labeling them hold our one chip and say - chips?- and remove it and hold out a pretzel and say pretzel ?

After getting the answer teach the words few and many - by asking "Do you want few chips or many chips?"( also giving a clue with a hand gesture )

If he says many reply "you must be hungry?"

Hmmmmm..... very interesting and I am excited to try all these ideas out.

I must say being an Autie mum is increasing my own intelligence !

Free Hanen - fingers crossed

They MAY be doing a free Hanen training at R's school ( infortunately only in Fall which is two seasons away ) i have the book "More than words'and its a really nice book but I want the more hands on training . Plus the person who would be teaching the program really seems with it
Anyway I am keeping my fingers crossed. They would be offering the Hanen training called "it takes two to talk"( ITTTT) but really that is for the kids with challenges like Downs.. the videos they showed had very engaged kids - who basically just seemed to have speech challenges.
Not like ASD kids who have SOOO Many more sensory distraction challenges goingon
So in the ITTTT videos the kids there was one video on a little girl with Downs who was just so perfectly in sync with her mom - who was doing the Hanen with her. They had back and forth circles of communication going on so effortlessly
The vidoes in the "More than words"( MTW) had kids with ASD - even getting their full attention required so much work .
Clearly the MTW program is better suited to R but for that we will have to wait

( She wondered aloud whether R has ADD - her own son does - also or not - ughhh it seems like every year we collect a new A - at 2 it was Autism, at 3 Apraxia at 4 - ADD???)
Anyway he just was very distracted because he was in his classroom in the evening which she was videorecording him ( and he could do what he wanted with all the toys which I suppose are only given out one at a time when his school teacher and the other students are there )
All things considered if the general Hanen style attitude comes into the school( its a great school just very behaviorally oriented ) it will be a great thing