January and February have been hectic and I am
piecing them together from pictures before they are gone from my memory
Like everyone else we have also had the sickies -
Especially R has not had a good stomach for almost a month .
He keeps getting okay and then keeps getting worse .His appetite is very low Its very depressing .
The skies are almost perpetually grey .
Sometimes watching the mist roll over the mountains is beautiful but I yearn for the yellow of the sun
But enough about the depressing bits.
I read somewhere that one of the most powerful tools in life is focus. ie you can change the way you feel about your life by shifting your focus to the good things
I have always found this to be the most effective thing !
And of course there are lots of nice things that are also happening with R & us
Winter is full of its many pleasures of real wood fireplaces
My 13th wedding anniversary where we tell each that we wont get each other anything but DH gets me these gorgeous flowers ( how lucky am I ?)
I usually have to travel quite a bit for work but this month I have not traveled at all and DH and I have had many chances to have lunch together
Stuck in a Rut
I am stuck in a rut with Floortime
We are really not doing much
We try to make sure that we spend time outside the house ( away from our screens )
So we go for lots of walks
To the library
And for errands
We also employ the other crutch when Floorime does not come easy - we do fun
We go to the indoor water park at an ASA event and R has so much fun
and I try to make everything I can very interactive
But I am depressed
I have these periodic moments where I suddenly realize that there is so much to do for this most precious of all things and we are not doing it
( Though I sound like i am criticizing my parenting, I really am not. I honestly believe we are very good parents..Sometimes we are just not doing enough )
I just found myself looking into a training program to go to ( which is my usual coping mechanism when I feel stuck )
(This time I was looking at the Sonrise program in June - Have you read the book by Barry Kauffman ?- its really great and I have also listened with great admiration to Raun Kauffman's interviews,.
I was really lucky that I picked up Dr Grandin's , Tito's and the Son rise books - when we first had our diagnosis.
Our idiot psychologist- we never went to see him again - recommended a rotten book called "The World of the Autistic child" by Bryna Seagal - outdated book and a fountain of doom and gloom ) .
It sounds like a lovely program and would be like going on a retreat ( I have read quite a bit about this and Floortime and Sonrise have many commonalities that make them appeal to me and DH ) .
Sonrise especially focuses a lot on happiness and acceptance and I feel I need that now .
But its a very significant time investment - also I worry if it may be a little basic program is really for us now.
DH is looking into it as his analytical brain holds us in good stead when we are looking into new things that may help R.
Though the program I know would benefit us,( and indeed we may still go ) I know that this is a stress response -
The problem really is not the lack of knowledge and the training ( we have so much of that )
The problem is the doing
I remind myself of my old mantra "Seek less, do more "
I tell myself that I just first need to get back into the Floortime habit ( for Floortime is a habit )
We need to going out to play every evening.
Otherwise the evening whizzes past in TV and chores .
Dr Greenspan used to say that "half of the game lies in just showing up
I tell myself that I can at least do that - show up
R plays a lot of interactive games these days but at first they are very repetitive
Like he will say with great mischief in his eyes ( don't you love his face? )
R: Eat a ..... stick
Me: Gasp ( mock horror ) ... R what is this .. no eating stick !!!
R : giggle and laugh at this
Then R will say : Eat a cloud
I have to respond with the same pattern otherwise he will cry
Or he will write a fact that we all know is wrong like this one where he says" the banana is blue"
And I have to squeal "What ?!!!!" and this will cause MUCH amusement
|The banana is blue |
You get the picture -
Now there are several patterns -
But they are all patters that once formed will have to be "performed" in the exact same way !
This will look very interactive from the outside - but its the exact demonstration of the quality ( fixedness) that floor time is most supposed to help with
So while there is a lot of back and forth going - it is not Floortime
Dr Greenspan used to say "if you know what is going to happen next .. you are not doing Floortime "
I get some advice from the the Floortime yahoo and other Floortime friends
And try to build on it
For instance we play on the slides with Coke and Sprite ( one of his enduring obsessions )
Even better- - one day we do the Diet Coke and Menthos experiment ( he has been watching this a lot on youtube - the you-tube History is a real window into his world )
Slowly and steadily we are climbing out of our rut
I keep forgetting is that Floortime is also addictive
For me AND for R
In just a few days, R is and seeking me out trying to make me come out to play with him
Eager to go out
The other thing I had forgotten is how much fun I have playing with R and seeing the little connections he starts to make
How many times do I need to learn the same things again?
The two cliches of "The only way out is through
" and "Fake it till you make it
" are both so true
The sickies are still here( DH Is going to take R to the doctors on Monday ) but my joy is coming back as well
The other day Miss G comes down to show me a Valentine card that R has made
"I told him to write to make a heart with a V and a 3 .. and write - I love you .. but of course he wrote - I love you mama"
I may not always feel like the best mum .. but I always feel like i have the best child