Today while at lunch with an old friend I got to talking about all the biggest wastes of time on first entering Autism Land
First is the blame game. This is the list of all the things we could have done to prevent Autism. ( This will later transform into the guilt game - all the things we did not do to cure the autism)
Second is the search for the answer - you mommies out there know exactly what I am talking about LOL - Its the one answer that will tell us the cause and the cure! After 2 years of intense searching I am still not close to the answer
The third and the strangest one is wasting time over whether autism is a good thing or a bad thing.(There are the Neurodiversity folks who belive that Autism is a way of being and there are those that feel that Autism has taken their child away from them.) Both points come from love. As parents we want the happiest outcome for our children out of love. Autistic adults are trying to stand up for the rights of other auties ( again that comes from a place of love ) Again after two years I still don't know if Autism is a good thing or not - R definitely is
I simultaneously feel blessed and lucky to be R's mother while never wishing Autism on anybody
If I were to advice a new parent I would say this
1. Its not your fault- guilt will sap your energy and harm your child.
2. Seek less, do more. Play as much as you can with your child and love then unconditionally. Love yourself lots
3. Ignore the camps- its not necessary to either celebrate or mourn Autism. The only thing important is to celebrate your child!
Yet this post is pointless because mothering brings with itself a sure mechanism that most of us will fall into these traps
I know I still do.