Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Maybe they can


I walk down the stairs laundry basket in hand and martyred expression on face.

I tell my husband ( sitting on the lazy boy and watching the news )

"I hope watching me slog , is not ruining your joy in watching Television"

Of course what I intend is the EXACT opposite of what was said

My intention is solely to make him feel guilty

My husband – master of the game – serves back

"its nice to rest for a change"

( This game of iworksomuchharderthanyou is a game both DH and I are adroit at and gives us much secret enjoyment. I once told him that he should never leave me because we would lose an entire language –an entire world of words and rules and games that only the two of us know. ) . In fact I have customized and unique lexicons with my sister, my parents , old friends anyone I have a history of shared experience with . We all do.

Still sometimes when I think of all the layers that language has – I despair of how a child with Apraxia- who is only now learning to label( oh sooooo slooowly ) will ever navigate these tricky waters.

Yesterday though in the bathtub R – surprised me

He was in the bath tub and I went out to empty the dishwasher but I told him to stay in the bath – ( he has a tendency to wander around and if I leave the bathroom for a minute I will find him crosslegged on the bathmat – reading a book )

Well when I came back – sure enough he was walking in the bath room

I feigned horror and said his name sternly

R virtuously said "potty" (meaning I was only getting out of the bath to sit on the potty ) and went and sat on the toilet ( of course he did not need to go )

But my heart sang at the craftiness!!!

Reminded me of something that a delightful autistic boy said , this is the second autistic adult – I met

My neighbors friends ( amazing people ) who live in the North and who were visiting them and have a 17 year old son who has Autism – clearly very high functioning - though he said he did not talk till he was 5

Mainstreamed and all that - He was soooooo nice and sweet and smart

When his mom was asking me about how we got our diagnosis - I talked about how unexpected the diagnosis was as R was so attached to us and we had previously thought of Autism was a kind of attachment disorder

HIs mom said - J is very attached to me and J and she reached across and they held hands

How darling is that

We did not get much time to talk as they- his parents were very interested in our story of coming from India- all the Indian artwork that we have in our house

Anyway I digress - but I was reminded again of J's words when he was leaving and I asked him if he had any advice for us

He said "Just because R does not pick up on something .. don't think that he will never do it .. when my brother and I started playing ....( some video game ) he picked it up in a hour and it took me 2 weeks ... and now ( with a shy sweet smile ) I am
twenty times better"

I will drink to that




All About the Bailey's said...

I will drink to that too!

Niksmom said...

I raise my glass to toast with you!

Maddy said...


Territory Mom said...

This is great! Thanks for the input on the book selections.

Julie said...

Me too! I loved this post. I relate SO well to this:

"my heart sang at the craftiness!!! "

lol! I know exactly what you felt! =D And then at the end of your post your story reminded me of a conversation with Daniel's OT. I know that Daniel is taking everything in and we discussed that. Sometimes I'm uncomfortable talking about Daniel in front of him unless it's praise because I don't want him to feel like something is wrong with him or for him to have low self-esteem. Anyway, his therapist was talking about taking a step backward before taking a step or two forwards and that I shouldn't be discouraged and "don't worry, because it's all in there"...at which point, Daniel, who had been sitting quietly between us at the table says in monotone, "Blah, blah, blah". My eyes bugged out of my head! lol!

Oh, and I saw your comment over at Trish's place about the Jane Austen books, which I also really enjoy and the "apart from the fact that everyone is perpetually teetering on the verge of matrimony" had me giggling all afternoon. lol! Sorry, I'm chatty and haven't had a real conversation with an adult in days. =)

Becki said...

Oh my gosh, I had to break out my dictionary for "adroit" and "lexicon" - I love it when people use words I don't know! I love learning!!! (although I am thinking that I should have known lexicon and I am greatly disappointed in myself)

Anyways, what a great post! I'm with the others and raising my glass too!

robin said...

Cheers, K!

I so look forward to reading your blog! :)

aninont said...

loved reading this and I always look forward to reading your post and the comments from other moms.
Maybe Becki can share what she learned from the dictionary... (I need help)
Like the others, I will drink to this too.

Anonymous said...

This was lovely, K.

I relate to the family-owned language. We certainly have created a vocabulary that occasionally requires explanation to outsiders.

We also 'script' - meaning we frequently apply favorite lines from favorite movies to situations. This started when we were first dating, and instead of revealing I was going to the restroom, I said, "I'll be back." (Line from The Terminator.)


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