Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Loving this life

Mums and Dads of special needs kids often wonder about what life would have been like if their child did not have special needs

Finding out - can feel like as though a giant hand came from above, scooped us up from the and put us on a parallel road.

We glance back at that other road – the one that we thought we were on.

And we think how much easier that road would have been

We imagine our child without the disability -without the struggles and it breaks our heart.

While I truly understand and empathize( truly I do, for I walk in your shoes ) , I also believe this thinking is toxic

This dreaming of the child we were meant to have, blinds us to the beauty of the child we do have.

Not just in the way we think of our child, but even in the way we think of our whole life

It can stop us from recognizing all the goodness of what we do have

For the only alternate realities we imagine are the seemingly better ones

Just take a minute to imagine a few unfortunate alternate realities.

 Ones in which we are born in poverty or hunger or completely unloved.

And you will see what I mean about there being plenty and goodness in your current universe

The only thing to do is to look at your life and your child, abandoning all preconceived notion of what comprises a happy life

As I type this post - watching "Lie to me" with my husband - my son replaces my laptop ( with himself ) and says "Love ...hug".

This little guy of few words, sure knows how to use them.

I hold him close, I say a prayer of gratitude for this lovely life and this lovely child

How thankful I am, that early on this journey I learned to use my own eyes.

Threw away the old recipe for happiness and wrote my own

Thinking of all alternate realities, of how things are meant to be is futile

For there is only one reality

And its the one we are in

Live this life

Love this child


Big Daddy Autism said...

Beautiful. As always. Thanks to acceptance, I no longer have many of those "what if" moments. I do (most of the time) love this life.

robin said...

What an absolutely beautiful post! I love your optimism for life and for your family!

Alysia - Try Defying Gravity said...

I love your HP posts. Well, I love all your posts, but these are just so full of hope and beauty. Thank you.

Lisa said...

Beautiful post K.

@jencull said...

Couldn't agree more, love my life, love my child :D Jen

Pie Maker said...

“How thankful am I, that early on this journey I learned to use my own eyes.” YES, so much yes in that statement. I think it's the best gift I gave myself and my daughter.

Rachel said...

You need to write a book. One that you would send me with your own autograph and perhaps a Love Hug from R, and then I would proceed to highlight it and bend the pages until it is a dogeared treasure.

You words are a gift, my friend.

You are so very right - and I am so very thankful for the reality that our lives are!

Unknown said...

Oh, I love this!

Þorgerður said...

True words...
it is the longing that is woven into the loving that is so hard

Rachel Cohen-Rottenberg said...

Oh, it is so good to hear the mother of an autistic child say these things! So often, when I try to say these things to autism parents, it falls on deaf ears--even though I am both autistic and a parent, and have long experience learning to claim my own experience of happiness.

Answers said...

:)loved it.

Nicole said...

Hey - I'm so glad I found you on Hopeful Parents, this post really resonated with me. It reminded me of what I was trying to express in this post: - but you said it a million times better than I could!

Casdok said...

And love make us strong :)

Mr. Daddy said...

So humbled by your words K.

It really is a privilege and honor to know you K.
Even if it is only in the cyber world...

Anonymous said...

Words for me to live by. <3s

Anonymous said...

thank you. as always. <3

Anonymous said...

If I were a child with special needs I'd choose you for my Mama. Acceptance, optimism, hope, and unconditional love. This is what is found so consistently in your words and actions. R is blessed.

danette said...

Beautiful, couldn't agree more :).

I used to have "what if" thoughts about my twins and to be honest, it made me sad not because of what we were "missing" but because of what we WOULD be missing if they were not just as they are. Admittedly more of the other variety of "what ifs" with my Bitty after he regressed, but honestly haven't thought about that in quite a while. I do love my life, and I love you for sharing your positive perspective :).

Lisa said...


You are too funny!
I know I think I may be the last person on the planet NOT on facebook.

SO far I have 5 votes there is someone ahead of me with 12 more.
When you head over you have to like her page first and then like Gage's image.
You can comment or not whichever you prefer.
Thanks for your support.
Much love to you.

MommyToTwoBoys said...

Excellent post.

When I first started reading I thought hmm, not so much anymore. I used to care and think of the "what ifs," but not anymore. And then I read on and saw that is exactly where you were headed. :)

I couldn't agree more. I am always putting things in perspective. People think it is depressing, or that I am depressing, but that's not it. I am just looking at the positives of what we have. When we were dead broke, I still felt we were so rich and so blessed. And when I hear of children with serious illness or who pass away I remember how blessed we truly are. I have nothing to complain about. And that's what sets most of us special needs parents apart. We see that. Some people who have "everything," according to the "norm" don't even see that.

I see it as one of the gifts that came into my life with my son's Autism.

Anonymous said...

indeed there are "different kinds of happy." i'm thankful for our version of it.
thank you for always helping us to remember.

Piers said...

I found you through a comment you left on I'm glad I found your site. This window into your life reveals much truth and beauty. Thank you for sharing what you learn.

Another random week in 2020

 Everything that I could say about 2020 has probably been said.  On the whole,  its not as bad as it could have been because I am with my tw...