We are at Toys R Us this weekend looking for presents for R ( for one of the curious things about him is that he wants so little- DH and I must rack our brains )
We browse and make our list – wondering if we will get lucky this year with what we get for him !
On our way out - I stop by some electronic maracas – wondering if R would like them.
DH and I are engrossed wondering whether these would work with our Wii
I turn to look for R
And he is gone.
I run out of the store (for the stupid Toysrus has automatic doors)
He is not there
DH and I run to all the places in the store that R loves – the bikes( where he tried to climb on all the grown up ones- though he can barely ride his trike ) , the cars( where he loves on the car with the Barbie painted on it much to DH’s chagrin) , the Thomas the Train display which he adores ( while ignoring the identical one at home )
In a few minutes I have imagined a million awful possibilities!(Are mothers programmed to be the worst pessimists? Every mum I know is willing to believe that her child is in imminent danger at the drop of a hat)
As I am thinking that I will have to get the Toys R Us Staff to help us – the phone rings and DH is calling to say he has found R peacefully reading the books.
I am so angry with him
I wait by the entrance
When DH and R come out-I hold R by the shoulders and give the furious lecture that parents all around the world give their children they almost lost ( what a wonderful word "almost" is in this case- it makes all the difference in the world )
The “how- many-times-I- have-told-you” and the “why-cant-you-listen" and “do-you-know-what-could-have-happened”
I know he is going to cry
But I don’t care
I am too angry to care!
But - instead of crying – R holds my face and says “shoi ma” ( Sorry Mama)
He strokes my face – smiling gently
Tears fill my eyes –as I realize that I was not angry at all
I was scared!
I hug him and tell him he should stay close to me and that I would die if he got lost.
It just amazes me how this little child sees right to my heart.
Even the people who know me inside out, misunderstand
But never this child!
He knows what I am feeling .. sometimes even before I know it
I think back to the morning, when my colleague was describing a scene in the book Blink.
The author of the book, Malcolm Gladwell, talks about showing the movie “Who is afraid of Virginia Wolf” as an experiment.
In the experiment, auties and non-auties look at a scene from the movie .
Eye tracking reveals that the auties were looking at the things in the scene and not the people. With this my colleague concludes that auties are immune to emotion and all about logic.
I tell her that R is not like that - Not at all
He is more astute than most people I know
In the 5 years that I have known R – he has taught me so much and given me so much love
On his birthday today, I am so full of thankfulness for this wonderful, beautiful, miraculous child.
Its hard to believe that 5 years ago I did not even know him
Happy birthday sweet love!
I am so glad to be your mum