Tuesday, November 3, 2009
To be an observer of your life
R lost his glasses today.
Its not a big deal. For such a small child – he takes remarkably good care of his glasses
I came home right on time, so DH could go for golf and I could do some Floortime – but Dh has waited a couple of hours already at Sam's without success and so I must go today to the Eyeglass place
And so I do
Which is a bit of a disaster
R is spacey
Pays no attention.
( I do the hold hand tightly +grit teeth+ drag – which is a bit extreme for me – but for some reason I have been very irritable these days – PMS + little sleep is a bad combination )
At one point he just randomly takes his shoes off and sits on the floor
Eyeglass world is inhabited by quiet adults – there are no rude little kiddos to distract away from R
I am simply appalled by his behavior
I pointedly do NOT explain apologetically (which I have done before ) that R has Autism
For Autism ( the kind that R has ) is no excuse !
The customer service lady who is taking care of us – is an angel
She says nothing at all – simply assumes that R can understand everything – giving him directions ( hold this, look through this )
Which he ignores of course
I need to be alone and I take a walk by myself in the evening
Suddenly I realize that I am actually melancholy today.
Some days (and I am blessed that these days are rare for I have a hopeful temperament) the mountain of things that R has to learn seem especially steep
How much more of Do this and don't do this must be there in my life?
As I approach the top of the hill I think about how I am the queen of giving advice (especially about looking on the bright side ) to my friends of special needs kiddos
Then why do I get so nonplussed and paralyzed when I am in a tough situation myself?
So I try to imagine K as a separate person from me
And try to imagine what advice I would give K if I were not her.
With a little distance from myself – all is clear
His spaciness is due to the chaos that has been October ( 5 out of town trips would be disorienting to a typically developing child – let alone an ASD one ) as well as the cold that has been plaguing us
I need to realize that this too shall pass and also step up on the sensory diet and the written schedules
A Buddhist saying goes "All know the way .. but few walk it ".
This is so true in my life.
It seems so often that I have all the answers to my questions
It's my ability to see the answer that fails me
But today I see it.
And tomorrow will be a better day.