Tuesday, November 3, 2009

To be an observer of your life


R lost his glasses today.
Its not a big deal. For such a small child – he takes remarkably good care of his glasses

I came home right on time, so DH could go for golf and I could do some Floortime – but Dh has waited a couple of hours already at Sam's without success and so I must go today to the Eyeglass place
And so I do
Which is a bit of a disaster
R is spacey
Pays no attention.
( I do the hold hand tightly +grit teeth+ drag – which is a bit extreme for me – but for some reason I have been very irritable these days – PMS + little sleep is a bad combination )

At one point he just randomly takes his shoes off and sits on the floor
Eyeglass world is inhabited by quiet adults – there are no rude little kiddos to distract away from R
I am simply appalled by his behavior
I pointedly do NOT explain apologetically (which I have done before ) that R has Autism
For Autism ( the kind that R has ) is no excuse !

The customer service lady who is taking care of us – is an angel
She says nothing at all – simply assumes that R can understand everything – giving him directions ( hold this, look through this )
Which he ignores of course

I need to be alone and I take a walk by myself in the evening

Suddenly I realize that I am actually melancholy today.

Some days (and I am blessed that these days are rare for I have a hopeful temperament) the mountain of things that R has to learn seem especially steep
How much more of Do this and don't do this must be there in my life?

As I approach the top of the hill I think about how I am the queen of giving advice (especially about looking on the bright side ) to my friends of special needs kiddos
Then why do I get so nonplussed and paralyzed when I am in a tough situation myself?

So I try to imagine K as a separate person from me

And try to imagine what advice I would give K if I were not her.

With a little distance from myself – all is clear
His spaciness is due to the chaos that has been October ( 5 out of town trips would be disorienting to a typically developing child – let alone an ASD one ) as well as the cold that has been plaguing us
I need to realize that this too shall pass and also step up on the sensory diet and the written schedules

A Buddhist saying goes "All know the way .. but few walk it ".

This is so true in my life.

It seems so often that I have all the answers to my questions
It's my ability to see the answer that fails me

But today I see it.
And tomorrow will be a better day.

11 comments:

Becki said...

Interesting that you post on glasses today... I've just told my Husband earlier that I believe Bug needs and eye exam and possibly glasses.

goodfountain said...

Our posts today are similarly-themed.

Always good to step back a little and look with fresh eyes.

Niksmom said...

I like the notion of being an observer of myself and wondering "What would I tell that woman in this situation?" I need to do that more; it does make it easier to get through some of the harder days!

Hormone swings don't help sometimes, do they? *sigh*

Territory Mom said...

This happens to all of us. Remember there is always tomorrow. I actually tried to find our how to be a hippie so I could be more relaxed. Pretty goofy.

Lyndsey said...

I'm having one of those months myself. Feel better.(((((hugs)))))

Julie said...

((HUGS)) I hope today it's all looking better for you! How good that you could step back and diagnose the problem without getting completely overwhelmed. I've often thought the same way myself- I know what I would say to a friend...but it's so to DO or BELIEVE those good things when it's happening to me. Hang in there. =)

Bonsky said...

Of course tomorrow will be a better day. Everyone (even you my good friend) is allowed to have a little pity party and feel overwhelmed. Sometimes I think it is just what is needed. The key (which you yourself so astutely recognize you always seem to have handy) is to not let the dirty party dishes linger. Do let me know if you need help cleaning up but somehow I doubt that. I can hear the Dyson from several hundred miles away.

Stephanie said...

I love this concept, of stepping outside of yourself to give yourself some advice. Totally brill.

Mr. Daddy said...

It is always refreshing to come and visit your blog...

I have not visited in far to long...

love your outlook on life...

lonestar said...

Sigh... I can soo relate to this. The melancholy, the PMS (lol), the disrupted sleep, and most of all, feeling like I have great advice for others but completely at a loss when it comes to my own self / kids sometimes. I need to take your advice :).

Thanks for your sweet comment on my blog... I missed visiting.

TJ said...

Oh how I have missed you.

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