I have declared this weekend to be one of NO driving to house-hunt and only relaxation
However my plans are to be foiled and it’s a weekend of unending toil and feeling mentally drained
The bank that is selling the house gives DH a boat load of heartburn by adding clauses to the property they are selling. DH thinks of ways in which to hassle them in return.
R’s evening therapy session is cancelled – this is an hour and half only BUT – it’s a critical hour and half as this is when I change sheets and generally get things ready for the weekend. I am very out of sorts as to not have this put things in place
We do the inevitable Wii Fit( SNORE- I am so bored by the WiiFit Lisa as R makes me do the same things everyday ) . Then we sing songs on the trampoline which is a lot of fun. I am really thrilled by the way R is initiating a lot of singing these days.
R takes ages to fall asleep . I am sleepy by the time I get him to sleep too – but I have had NO time with DH at all – so I wake myself up and we watch some TV together . Forgotten is one of my faves right now
R is up early ( why wouldn’t he – it’s the weekend? Each school day however he must be scolded/cajoled/bribed/persuaded to wake up !!!)
I make GF Pizza and GF cookies from scratch.
Our ABA team meeting is at 11 and I make strawberry cupcakes for the meeting and DH ices them with cream cheese icing artistically
The team meeting is great!
R is doing VERY well in ABA. Before the meeting we were starting to wonder if ABA is still the appropriate choice after he turns 6. But all the program changes that are added make us think otherwise
We are adding in Intraverbals( knowing and using words like between, in front of etc ) which is the next step from Mands ( asking for things )
He is getting really good at Mands but Mands are really Stage 1 of language
He is also getting dreadfully cute with all the singing – he asks for Lollipops and I ask him to sing for it and he sings “O-i-pop, o-I pop …. Ooooo o-i-pop”( lollipop, Lollipop … ooo lollipop)
We are making lunch for some friends tomorrow and need to go to Walmart and Toys r Us to buy a present for their new baby. We tell R about this.
We find what we need at Walmart- and so decide NOT to go to Toys r us but as we turn towards our house
R exclaims “There there"( pointing to the road that leads to Toys r us ) .. toys r us “
His sense of direction is great and as we never go back on our word – we go to Toys R Us where R falls upon the Thomas train set excitedly as though he has never seen one before ( while resolutely always ignoring the identical one at home )
We go back home and while R’s therapist is here DH and I do our massive cooking.
I am SO exhausted
We finish our prep work for lunch and make some more cupcakes.
This is our friends’ second child . Their first daughter is a year younger than R . We assume C ( the older daughter ) may be feeling left out at the new baby and so make a special shaped cupcake with a face made of strawberries and blue berries for her –
DH is a master artist.
This friend had major PPD after first baby and we had had no idea
She told us about this terrible phase she had been through last year and we had felt terribly guilty about how we really had not been there for her
We are really fond of this couple but you know how life is – months pass by without meeting old friends.
And every time you meet you wonder why you don’t do this more often .
And this is what had happened the last time
However, to our surprise, our friend is completely relaxed and cool though the baby cries incessantly .
She says second baby is no stress compared to first baby.
They love the lunch we have made.
Marinated roasted chicken in hot wraps – with cilantro –lime dipping sauce and I and DH beam with pride
R is frankly in a really terrific phase of interaction . He is constantly pulling at my hand and asking me to do things with him .
While this is LOVELY – (I have to keep reminding myself that this is my goal )– I am simply unable to finish my housework and interrupted housework tends to take 3 times the amount of time.
While all these self help books tell you to let-it-go – I really cannot -as a dirty house makes me depressed
By Sunday evening I am completely drained and when R spits out his dinner – I yell at him very angrily
He is shocked and keeps saying Sorry and crying and smacking his hand
Which breaks my heart
I apologise profusely and give him a bath and put him to bed .
While he hugs and kisses me he is still upset – I cannot forgive myself
Guys I feel overwhelmed.
I am behind in everything .
Sometimes it feels like all I do is work(And that too not very well!)
That my life has no room for me
I have been edged out to make room for all the roles I must play employee, mother parent-therapist, homemaker, wife
Tomorrow is another day and I hope it’s a better one
I actually go back home at lunch time to finish up a few errands so I will have some time with R in the evening
In the evening however R wants Wii -
R’s Wii madness is really boring me to tears and I am also very frustrated that our golden evening hour is wasted in this most boring of all activities
Plus the Wii is in our basement – it’s the “family room “ but I hate it as its dark and gloomy
I hope R will start doing the Wii in his afternoon break – between Speech therapy and me coming home – so we can have some time outside
I take a walk in the evening with R’s ABA therapist is here and cheer up somewhat –
There is something most uplifting about being outside – even though its gray
When I get home – R’s therapist has left and I hear him weeping downstairs … mother mother he is sobbing
I call him upstairs and tell him I am not doing Wii with him and if he wants to go outside – I can do that
OMG he is blossoming
He does little games with me – holding hands saying “go “ and running and then saying Stop and coming to a halt.
He is very proud to teach me this game
We go on the trampoline and he “teaches” me the actions to “Row Row .. row your boat” its so adorable to see him shape my hands to do the oar action
Then after we have fallen down after singing “Ring around the roses” he strokes my face lovingly .
He comes to my ears and realizes for the first time that my ear-rings actually pierce my ear
“Ears hurt?” he asks me sympathetically
While I am looking at him with a fatuous smile, he yanks the ear- rings off – I suppose to solve my problem
( NOW my ears hurt )
We do our nightly routines and then I put him to bed .
He wriggles excitedly by my side and nestles in the crook of my shoulder
As he drifts off to sleep, I feel a sense of contentment come over me
I wonder about other tired mothers around the world doing bedtime with their children
Perhaps our lot is not in getting rest but in these little moments of reward
Suddenly this constant feeling of being behind is behind me
I have "stepped out of the circle of time and into the circle of love" ( read it somewhere cannot remember the author)
I dream of what I will wear tomorrow - I know it will be red -for red is my love and I think of this necklace- do you love this necklace - I bought it in Delhi and drift off dreaming of it
I am determined to be more productive and positive today
I wear deep red today and dress up as its our date lunch day
However it is not to be
DH calls andt tells me that R was rubbing his eyes and they thought it was pink eye - its not - seasonal allergies is what it is but they now need a note from the doctor
While normally I would be crushed, as I was so looking forward to being alone with DH but I am determined to stay cheerful
We meet outside the doctor's office and R's most excellent memory reminds him of all the other times he has been here and he urgently whispers "Mc Donalds Mc Donalds"
( we dont go to the doctor's office unless we HAVE to as I firmly beleive its a pit of germs )
Attitude really IS everything and we have a most marvelous lunch at Mc Donalds ( where else ? ) and I am fawned over by R excessively -
We later go to Mc Kay's and pick up a few books for him
Ever since I discovered the world of second hand books - I will simply never buy new books for R
It appeals to both me environmental and my thrifty side
I go back to office and R and DH go home
At home he cries and cries for Mother - I think the bloody Benadryl depresses him
DH snuggles him and explains to him why Mother has to work
R says suddenly " I miss mother "!
Dh calls to tell me and I am speechless
Was there ever a more satisfying child and a sweeter husband?
The weary week is sloughed off
I am new again !