Social Skills & No More meltdowns Dr Jed Baker

Dr. Jed Baker was a phenomenal presenter.

Of all the speakers I thought he had the most useful and practical content for a parent.

Quick disclaimer: This is only a short  summary. There was a lot more in his session . And obviously I see things from my own lens



PROACTIVE ( RATHER THAN REACTIVE ) APPROACH TO MELTDOWNS

Our own Attitude

It always starts with you – the parent, the teacher, the professional.

Not the child

Dr Baker asks us if we can tolerate our discomfort- our self image- our worry about what the other people around us are thinking about us - 


Can we tolerate this  discomfort long enough to think about what to do ?

Because that is the beginning.

Its important to reframe a meltdown and see it for what it really is

It's the lack of coping skills of the child .

Its not the child playing mind-games with you to challenge your authority

The question we have to ask ourselves is how we can teach better coping skills ( not the question "what is everybody thinking of me")



Why do children and specifically spectrum children have meltdowns?

Difficulty in perspective taking

In this case the misbehavior is often unintentional. (Example the attention wanting ASD kids who pulls the plug of the computer to get it to shut down in order to make the kids laugh ) The important thing is to teach perspective rather than discipline

Inflexibility: Poor problem solving skills

Its important to practice social skills and "in context". Often professionals do a "counseling session" and tell the child what they must do the next time they are in the situation

But they don't teach it in the situation.

Repetition and practice is critical

Low frustration tolerance

ASD kids get frustrated really easily ( Tony Attwood referred to some data which shows that Children with ASD have 10-15% larger amygdales – which means their primitive stress response such as fight , flight or freeze are stronger )

The child can get emotionally hijacked

Frustration tolerance is a skill that must be taught. 


Dr Baker gave an example where there was a child that hated losing in games. So Dr Baker used a strategy of rewarding disappointment tolerance. Ie if a child tolerated X disappointments well – they would be rewarded. 


Practice with these skills can expand basic abilities to tolerate frustration.



What should I do to prevent my child having a meltdown?

Prevention is key

Make the child feel competent.
 When there is a task- such as homework - to be completed - follow the 80 -20 rule . DO the 80% easy stuff first. Then the hard 20% stuff

Avoid power struggles. Its best to problem solve together

Make sure the child does not have sensory triggers that are making it intolerable for him

If they are going into sensory overload teach them to be a self advocate for sensory break/better environment

Rewards new and better ways to self stim ( which really should be called Self-soothe, in my opinion )

Plan for the unexpected: when an unexpected crisis happens teach the child skills in advance such as

• Self talk: All problems can be solved if you wait and talk to the right person
  
• Create a relaxation folder for the child
  
• Establish a "safe person"
  
• Draw or write the thing that soothes you
  

What should I do when the child is having a meltdown?

Of course- the first thing to do – for you is to tolerate your own discomfort so you can think it through

It's important to understand why your child is having meltdown so you can plan for the future

If the child has been "emotionally hijacked" the best solution is to distract or soothe

Loss systems can work – but only if the child is present and aware. 

In fact thinking about "extinguishing bad behaviors" when the child is distressed and emotionally hijacked is very counterproductive (and kind of cruel if you think about it )



All the change does not have to be in the child. The environment can be changed to help the child

This next set of ideas that Dr Baker gave is pure genius and a true game changer .

It's a wonder that every school in the world does not follow this system

In the Special needs world we worry a lot about the lack of social skills training for our kiddos .

In fact we talk about the shortage of resources all around

We also worry a lot about bullying as our kids are so vulnerable to bullies

Dr Tony Attwood likens the school to a jungle for our kiddos. With bullies prowling the corridors like tigers ( my friends and I were sort of depressed in fact after Dr Attwood's lecture as he touched upon one of our major fears )

Bullies cannot be stopped by teachers as it usually is invisible to them

Dr Jed Baker has the perfect solution - to solve bullying AND teach social skills

The solution is Peer Mentors

What if peers in the class were mentors for children with special needs ?

This is a win-win situation for all

Mentors learn valuable leadership skills like compassion and maturity

Special needs kids get to learn social skills from those who can model it and live in a kinder environment

And the community?

The community benefits because being a good person is actually cool

He has created such a program in a school in New Jersey.

He showed some video clips of students in this program in an excellent school in New Jersey that he had started and it really made us all want to move to New Jersey (Almost.)

I think this has to be the way we start to think of helping our children.

Fresh out-of-the-box thinking.

I hope this summary is helpful to you 


Click here  for  his website

He has some excellent  books which some of my friends who attended the conference with me  recommended highly. And its next on my reading list 


Click here to  the link to his video of him talking about teaching  Social skills to kids with AS 

If you want to see a excellent  video of him that Autism Hangout posted on youtube
 

Autism Asperger Super conference; Dr Temple Grandin Session

Guess who I am getting a book signed by ?

No prizes for the right guess !

Cause we all know the amazing Dr Grandin!!!!

DH and I are just back from the Autism Asperger Super conference
It was really awesome to attend the conference with my DH and with 3 of my online Friends – T and J and M. Somehow it felt like I was back in school

The conference was FANTASTIC – Wayne Gilpin who was the MC and is the CEO of "Future Horizons" really put together a blockbuster conference .

He himself is the father of a young man on the spectrum

For me the highlight of the conference was Dr Temple Grandin

She was AMAZING . She , her books, her movies have taught us so much .

Dr Tony Attwood said she is an American National Treasure . And I agree

It was a happy coincidence for DH and me that some of the first books we read upon diagnosis were books by Temple Grandin and Tito Mukhopadhyaya – this certainly had a huge impact on the way we thought of Autism – 

Because we thought of things from R's perspective .

We tried to see and experience the world from his perspective instead of from a deficit-fixing perspective

We saw his abilities and his value not just deficits

Here is my summary – please do note that obviously I listened through my own lens and also paid attention to things that were of interest to me

So this is not a full representation of all that was there though I am hoping that DH and T, M and J will comment and add anything that I am missing

I am going to start with Dr Grandin though she was the third speaker

Auties have many gifts to offer the world

There are many genes that are responsible for Autism .. you know what would happen if we eliminated all the genes of Autism – you would have eliminated your next generation of engineers, professors etc

"You know what the Aspies are doing .. they are running silicon valley" she joked

She said that the Spectrum was huge and at one end of the Spectrum was the "normal spectrum "

Autistic identity

Dr Grandin said she would never want to be normal as she was very proud of her rational way of looking at things.

However Autism was not the central theme that organized her life . 

She thought of her identity in terms of her whole life !

"I see myself as a college professor "

Good Manners and Rules

Limit setting was so important .

She credited her 1950's upbringing of good manners and CLEAR rules to her success in life

Of course one must understand the reason for bad behavior and some bad behavior which is the result of extreme sensory sensitivity must be accommodated

It was very very very important do SOMETHING

"The worst you can do is let the autistic child play video games all day . Video games for no more than one hour a day "

Understanding the Sensory System is critical.

As is, making sure any hidden medical problems are solved .

Touch desensitization is possible and important for the whole family.

She said sensory readiness therapy is critical and is akin to taking the cellphone outside to " get a better signal "

Job skills

She said right from when the child is in middle school parents need to be focused on projects that could potentially make money - outside the house .

Always focus on what the child is good at and what the learning style of the child is – is the child a visual thinker , a music-math thinker or a verbal thinker ?

"The kid is good at computers – get him to fix the neighbor's computer. And then put the money he makes in an account and teach him to manage money "

She said she was a very poor student but learned a lot in school .

She said the current school system which demands that a child must pass for instance algebra before they can go on to Geometry is flawed 

An Autie may need to know geometry before they can understand Algebra 

Why cannot the school system allow for people to pass certain kind of math ? and not all kinds?

She said she could never have done algebra

Its very important to ensure that the Autistic person's abilities are being harnessed properly-


"I see too many autistic people with my intelligence level bagging groceries and cleaning toilets"

Its very important to be good at something that others are interested in

"I always sold my work, not myself "

Its also important for parents to be entrepreneurs – and be creative in thinking of how to get the child an "in"

"I always got thru the back door .. never through the front door .. I never passed an interview in my life "



Medication

She had a lot to say on medication –I don't know much about medication so please pardon any errors

She was positive about SSRI like Prozac and Zoloft and said she knows many people on the Spectrum who would not be able to do what they do without Prozac .

And said the atypicals like Abilify , Seroquel, Rispedal, Geodon may have severe side effects

She said that some of these second generation anti psychotics will fog up the brain and ensure the child is in a fog and can never program a computer –

While these medications are very valuable for some , she felt these medicines are being overprescribed. And when there are problems doses are being "upped " instead of decreased

She talked about the importance of physical exercise and Omega 3's and Sensory things like Weighted Vests etc .

She also touched upon the value of vitamins and supplements including probiotics.

As well as special diets

The Autistic brain is different from Neurotypcials)

One fascinating example was as follows

Dr Grandin said her brain worked like "google Images "

So when she was asked to picture a church steeple – her memory conjured up all the church steeples she had ever seen in her life

Whereas neurotypicals, when asked the same question , thought of a generic image of a church steeple

A brain scan showed that, indeed ,her actual brain and wiring was different – so that it was like her brain had a" high speed internet highway" inside her head that captured all images that she ever saw and she was able to retrieve them all at will

( This is indeed true of R as well – when we went back to India this time – he rearranged my parents set up on the staircase to how it had been in the past .

The thing is, the last time he had visited that house, was when he was 2 !!!)

• All autistic thinking uses specific examples to create concepts
  
• It is bottom up thinking
  
• ALL concepts are learned from specific examples
  

Teaching Auties

Its very important to teach by playing games to categorize things into – big-small, different shapes etc and then use the same objects and categorize them in a different scheme—This teaches flexibility of thinking . For example a small white bottle bottle can be "small" in a size scheme . And it can be white in a color scheme of categorizing

( though all autie brains are not identical to each other either)

Its very important to teach rules clearly including turn taking and waiting for your turn

Teach with real objects – example fractions can be taught through slicing a pizza . Adding and subtracting can be taught thru candy

Its critical to kep expanding their experiences – the whole idea – to take the high speed internet example from earlier – is to create many many "web pages

Autistic learning does start with memorization but as more and more information is memorized – it will be organized into more and more categories which will help thinking become more flexible

"The thing with Autistic people" said Dr Grandin, "is that they are always learning for their entire life"

Amen!!

I will soon be posting on the notes from the other three  fantastic speakers and hope they will be of use to you  

October Odds & Ends

Here is a little update for all the things I want to remember of this month

Pretend Play

So I do not know if I have mentioned before, but one of R’s interests is Christmas.

Stopping at Cracker Barrel, for instance is always fraught with danger as it has Christmas tree and R demands a Christmas as soon as we get home

Anyway like most Floortime Oriented parents our motto is – No interest shall go unused

And so we have bought these adorable Little people sets

When DH and R return from their Friday musical gymnastics – I set out the Little People package on the table

For the FIRST TIME EVER – R demands that I open the box as soon as he sees it
( This makes us ecstatic as R NEVER cares about presents much – certainly not something that is still in the box )

He fawns over all the reindeers in Santa’s sleigh ( though there is no red nosed reindeer and this is very annoying )

After I put R to bed– we arrange the 2 Christmas sets we have

You should see R’s face when he comes down stairs in the morning

He rushes straight to the toys – all thoughts of the usual morning DVD forgotten

He is playing (Appropriately as the developmental psychologists would call it





He has ideas

His ideas are still islands – not really well connected .

For example Santa comes to the town – says Ho Ho Ho Merry Christmas

But he does not do much else

The kids dance around the Christmas tree but that is all they do

Speech

While he is very very apraxic still – he is talking more and more

Even little phrases

Like yesterday when he tries to wake us up instead of the usual “stand up “ wake up”

He says – “Wake up … go eat tea” ( DH and my weekend morning ritual ) … and then points outside and says “when the sun is up .. it means wake up “

Yesterday on the trampoline

He is shooting baskets ( standing right next to the basket – lest someone think I am hiding a Michael Jordan here )

And he goes – S is for Soccerball , B is for Basketball and then he says R is for ..

I obligingly complete with his favorite R word “Rudolph the red nose reindeer “

He says “no, R is for R_____( his name , my favorite R word )

Really I am just soooooo grateful my cup of happiness runneth over.

I know there is a long way to go but I simply pay no attention to it anymore .

I just look at the next step ahead



Social

One of our good friends is having a birthday party for their 2 year old and invites us

They are very very very welcoming of R always

Pretty much all our friends are very accepting of R - but these two go a little beyond

For instance her MIL has bought a present for R - just becasue their daughter will be getting a present

We have told R about the birthday party well in advance

He has been practicing with the Sepctrum connections DVD Birthday Party scenes

( really the child has SUCH a desire to learn )

he behaves really well at the birthday party

The one thing that sets him apart is the stimming and the "eeee" sounds

Its a large barbecue so at one point in time he wanders off happily and suprises two people by randomly saying eeeee to them

For some reason their surprised faces makes us laugh uproriously

Though DH and while watching Dexter late in the night realize that we should take a page from Harry's( dexter's dad's )  book and teach R how to "act normal "

( For those of you who dont watch Decter the basic premise of the show is that - a police inspector ( harry ) adopts a boy called Dexter who has homicidal tendencies. So Harry teaches Dexter how to only kill bad people and also how to act normal . he is kind of a vigilante serial killer )


We dont ever want him to feel that stimming is bad or wrong ( becasue really for many auties - stimming is a release that calms them down )

 But we do want him to be able to stim in private

So that one day - if it matters to him - he can pretend for periods of time - to act neurotypical

I think a lot of autistic adults I know make attempts to blend it - but they learn how to do it in a hit or miss fashion

I think all parents of Auties need to have a 10 -20 year planning horizon for their child and then think of all the little steps that are needed to accomplish this goal

So for instance at 26- my dream for R is  to have, Happiness , to be  good humanbeing and have some way to make a living and hopefully also have friendship and love

Frankly I think the seeds are laid for many of these already

Awareness

We are also noticng a much greater sense of awareness

For instance last weekend when we are at an Aquarium at an Autism event - R goes to a "shark" instead of running away


 He expereince the Aquarium instead of being dragged from exhibit to exhibit

He notices the Halloween exhibits and coos at them "Happy Halloween" and counts the pumpkins



At the candy store - he takes a large lollipop and plonks it down at the check out counter next to me



Walks in the woods

we do much walking and treasure hunting in the woods these days

The Fall weather is just idyllic -

here is some treasure we discover last time.

 I am in equal parts disgusted as well as charmed by the tortoise shell





I write this post in my most favorite part of the weekend - friday evening

As its Fall break  for R - I have taken a couple of days off .

I cleared out closests yesterday and have generated 4 bags of clothes for Goodwill

We used to stick on to R's old clothes for sentimental reasons earlier  but we think now that its more fun to donate them right before winter so a child can have a a really warm and fashionable coat and trendy outfits

DH has done all the grocery shopping etc while I cleared two closets  . We have cooked . We have done laundry

On Monday the mad crazy week begins with all its stresses

But between then and now the weekend waits

With that feeling, I write  to the sound of the wind in the pines

I am in my favorite season,

In my favorite place

With my beloved husband and son

God's in heaven and all is right with the world !

On Hopeful parents today

I am over at the Hopeful Parents website today writing about changing the way we think about parenting an Autistic child
Shakespeare in Hamlet says that "Nothing is good or bad.. its our thinking that makes it so" and I find this especially true of Autism Parenting .
If you have a minute do over to that lovely website here

Listen to Angels

Its 3 years ago - we are in a psychologist's office

We are still wondering what it is that R has

How can it be autism when we feel so connected to our son ?

( Its still the times when we dont know much about autism and think it means an inability to relate..now we know better ) 

" He likes to snuggle .. he cannot sleep apart from us " we say

"He loves to nurse still!" I say

"He cries when we leave him with a babysitter " DH adds helpfully

We are so connected , we are thinking

But somehow its hard to show this connectedness, his presence in our relationship, his intelligence, his abilities in her office

"Can you show me any example of an interaction?" the psychologist asks and waits patiently

She is terribly kind and patient but still I feel helpless as I cannot show her how he really is

"We sing songs"? I add brightly

"Can you show me ?" she asks

R starts to smile as I break into the familiar notes " The wheels on the bus"-

And on cue, he holds my hands open and shut, goes bumpity bump , holds my hand to make the wiper actions of swish swish swish

And suddenly we are connected for all the world to see

Later that year we spend some time with a Floortime Psychologist

Her advice – Fill his day with Sing Swim and Swing

Make songs about everything – his routine, any activities

In those early days where we are starting to get familiar with a complete new vocabulary

All feels strange and unfamiliar

Though I am surrounded by  all the things I do not know how to do … singing is one  thing I am actually good at –

And so I sing

Oh how I sing

Somehow singing is  a short cut to  R .

Tolstoy said that  music is  the short hand of emotion. And it is this for us

Somehow with R, where we can  not go with words, we go with song

So we introduce  R to the world of made-up songs

Songs about letters, numbers , body parts, routines

You name it .. we sing it

And R, in turn introduces me to the world of classical music

Enthralled by the background scores of Little Einsteins – he watches the credits of the show intently

And then googles videos of  Moonlight Sonata, of Mozart , Nutracker Suite

Slowly we get into his music

Today it amazes me that there was a time in life when I had never heard the Nutcracker Ballet

Were it not for R – would I have gone my entire life without Vivaldi ?

As I write this post for my wonderful friend Dr Boucher's blog carnival , I realize how much song is woven into the tapestry of our lives

Just a moment ago R walks down the with three Santa dolls

Santa Claus is coming to town – he sings melodiously

I pick him up and twirl with him around the room while singing

K : We …. ( pause)

R .." wish u a merry kismis "

He picks up the second doll and says "Mrs Claus is coming to town"

And then we pick up the tiniest doll and sing together "Baby Claus is coming to town"

A scene from a movie  flashes into my head

In the movie a little aboriginal child being separated from the female protagonist .. wipes her tears and tells her not to worry.

They will never be lost to each other, 

"I sing you to me .. Mrs Boss" he comforts  her

And sometimes I think that is what we  did

We sung our son to us

That is what music did in our lives 

This post was writted for Dr  Boucher's Blog Carnival in September called " Listen to Angels"

Tranquility

Its been along and weary week and I have decided to have a guilt-free 2 days on the weekend

Some of my friends say they want an autism-free vacation

Autism –free vacations in my mind  are impossible

For me , I try to take vacation from my role as therapist mom and guilty mom

We have a lovely lazy day

DH and I watch movies

R coils around us – like a cat

Instructs me to do things that he his watching on the DVD

Flashlight games

Sing songs but instead of pointing use the flashlight to light the part

So sing "Toe, knee chest nut" but instead of touching – shine your flashlight on the toe on the knee

Create shadows out of numbers and say them out

Word games

Playing little word games ( it's a simple game we played since when he was 3 when I used to use any way to get into turn taking .. the rule is that you can change only one letter to make a different word )

R :CHIPS
Me; SHIP
R :HIPS

And then not waiting for me to take my turn PIES

So the lazy day goes on

I think I see one car the whole day

I eye the woods longingly on Saturday evening

I am perishing to take a long walk..

I would take R but he will want to be carried in 10 minutes ( or less )

As R has been remarkably anxious about me leaving lately for anywhere but office – I don't really dare leave

I am a prisoner I whine reproachfully

DH smiles and tells me he will come with me so between us we can carry R when he asks to be carried

And so we walk together the three of us

This is one of my iconic moments – I tell DH smugly – its like we are a family from an advertisement

But its so much more -

It occurs to me how much I love these two and how much I love the three of  us

There are people who are good separately but then when you put they don't work together quite as well

We are better together

We play the 1..2…..3 game – where we swing R between us and raise him high  on 3 .

Much squeals of joy

And no, he does not ask to be carries
We read out the silly names of all the other cabins on the trail

A coy " Allison's dream" written with a flourish next to a box of fake flowers

To R , I am sure names lile "Kiss the moon" are quite perplexing and I see the wheels of his mind turning

We do a leaf color hunt ( oh how I love Fall )

An obliging spider has created a giant web of such fineness that it looks like the spider is walking in air so R can sing Itsy bitsy spider

There is such peace in these woods

So different from the hurry …do more…. do faster…  which is the rythm of my everyday

It occurs to me that there has to be a better way of doing things

Like the saying goes

"Nature is never in a hurry and yet everything gets done "

Bits of September that I want to remember

My birthday

I am having a lovely day – though I started grumpy

R has been unusually( unusual even for him ) clingy lately – DH has been calling him “psycho-son”

Maybe its school starting

But he clings to me a lot and weeps piteously if he cannot find me

DH and I were watching a movie late in the night and then I chatted with my mum dad and sister at midnight ( as they must wish me a very happy birthday  at midnight )

R gets in to our bed and keeps my awake by a strangle hold around my neck

Not just this, he wakes me up at the crack of dawn and then insists with much tears and weeping that I, and only I must come down with him to turn on his DVD and hunt for the number 5 –

 DH – prince among men - offers to come down with him - but that will not do

So I wake up grumbling

And then just as quickly remember that even though I have not slept and I am very tired - its because my parents and sister want to wish me at midnite and becasue I am one of my son's favorite people

And my mood changes as I realize how much I have to be grateful for

DH grills what he calls namby-pamby sausages – ingredients like sundried tomato and unpronounceable cheese etc – but this is the sort of thing I love ( while his fancy runs to things with pork and words like cajun etc ) and we finish up a lovely lunch with a plate of oranges


Then my parents and sister call . They are celebrating my birthday and have got a chocolate cake with icing and “Happy birthday K” written on it and with much fuss cut it over video camera

DH has got a lovely watch for me – it’s a scuba diver watch ( this is a sort of joke as well – as I am wont to never take my watch off and am always ruining them by swimming in the pool with them ) and I love it

We were planning to go to the country fair but I am so happy here in the woods. The beautiful Autumn sun spilling all over the front porch hat it just seems the best place to be and we dont go

All in all I have a lovely time

DH ices cupcakes - R favorite thing in the world right now is birthday party ( which he says with a strong southern accent ) and so we have a great time

It seems quite appropriate in fact that when the day ends the last remaining cupcake has this written on it

Friends

We have had some of our close friends come by this month  and spend weekends with us and this has been lovely

Much wine/liqueurs have been drunk , lots of chatting has happened and we have slept very little

Still its been a lovely month

We have spend a lot of time in this lovely chair hammock

Highly recommend getting one

Building Blocks

R has suddenly started showing this most amazing aspect of pretend play  - thanks to his Pretend play therapist

Its easy to imagine a doll is a person ( example female doll can become mummy doll ) - what his therapist calls representational pretend play

To imagine blocks are things is far more sophisticated .. so his teacher is teaching him to pretend for instance that the different blocks are different musical instruments

To try and use the blocks to create something different is a higher order skill still

Here is a camel – made by R - complete with hump

It seems to me like he has captured the very essence of a camel

I see it clearly – the stubbornness , the slowness and the inscrutable nature of this desert creature in the lines of this creature( I know camels well having lived for 2 years in the Rajasthan desert and I tell you that this is a likeness)

Playing

I have not had many good Floortime days this week

I did try to get some play going with the Thomas sets on our patio

Sometimes I think I have more fun with this even than R does

I spend a lot of time in my imagination when playing and have a lovely time

I am surprised to find another grown up person who also does this

This discovery comes from the books I am reading these days.

Currently I am finishing up “Sunlight on the Lawn ” by Beverly Nichols - an author who lived and wrote mostly in the 1930’s and 1940’s .

I feel such a kinship with this man -dead now for several decades

He describes a phenomenon called “Shrinking yourself  “

Shrinking means that you imagine yourself to be very very tiny

Yes that’s it

Imagine yourself to be very very tiny in wherever you are right now ..right now I can easily imagine myself tiny and swinging from the lightknob of my table lamp

I know it sounds very boring

But try it sometime and you will see what I and this author so delight in

Here is what Mr Nichols says in his book written in the 1950’s when he goes to see a dollhouse

“Certainly on this occasion confronted by this wonderful dollhouse.. I was glad to be a shrinker .. because in a very few moments I had shrunk enough to step inside and set foot in the hall “

In terms of shrinking in his garden he describes as “there are drawbacks to being a shrinker in the garden of course .. there is always the danger of being stunned by a dewdrop and in wet weather one is apt to sink too deeply into the moss”

I suppose its growing up reading all this fiction of the fairies .. look at tiny people who live in the tree

When you are playing with a train set and you shrink yourself like I do – you experience the trains in quite a different fashion .

There I am right there talking to the stationmaster after I have stepped out of the train

Then I will go to my little cottage and make dinner

I and R and Dh will eat soup and bread on a liitle table- that is actually a little round stone

And R will go to sleep using a large leaf as a blanket on a bed that is made from two feathers that a peahen abandoned and DH ferreted away for R

And this entire cottage will be in the hollow of a tree !

So you can expereince Thomas the train in quite a different way

This here is the wonder of writing and reading for me

The sense of connectedness with another – unbarred by space or time – another who lived in the world of imagination like I do


Declarative language

Has begun in earnest

This is really not the easy thing for auties at all

Most auties learn language through manding ( Verbal behavior term for asking for things – this is an essential first step because this is how they understand why they should communicating – because by communicating their needs they learn to want to communicate )

But most language is declarative - we make an observation and share it with another

We lament on a political figure and another shares our feeling or disagrees.

This is the rythm of conversation

But Auties frequently never get there

R - I am happy to tell you is starting

So he will be watching a movie and suddenly observe -" the man is digging" and look at me  and I will jump with delight - "yes he is digging a hole"

Or  I will be peeling a banana and he wil lobserve
"mama peel banana"
and I will throw back the ball in an attempt to a conversational circle of communication "would you like to peel the banana"holding it out to him ( which he will do creating a good deal of mess )

This is all simply amazing and something I would not have thought possible last year

Thank you god

School

Seems to be going oka y so far

His daily reports all seem very good and say "wonderful" for his behavior that day

he also did his first homework the other day

Finding four objects that start with the letter M

He needed a lot of help

How does a child do homework who does not really understand the question ?

Finding objects that start with the letter M is not the problem

Understanding that - that is what he is supposed to do - is

So for instance if I had modeled the Q & A

So I would have said "Find 5 objects starting with A  "and  then I had found the 5 objects and shown him

And THEN asked him to do the same for the letter M - I am sure he would have been able to do it easily

I am coming to realise what a huge role language has in a language based education system

What a portentous fact that is !

Still  I will trust that R will overcome this ..just as he has overcome so much before

Different, not less

Now that R is talking more and more- I am discovering how interesting his way of thinking is

He often makes me do a double take

He was stroking my hair the other day and he touched the ear ring I wear usually - a wedding present from DH and said ...

"Snowflake"

Can you see it ?

I know I will forever feel like I am wearing snow in my ears

When  our friend was lying down on a towel sunbathing- R looked at her and said

"Sleeping Bag "

Can you see it ?

He picked my red lined socks out of the laundry and said "Santa Claus Socks " --

Well they are red and white

R insisted on wearing them and for the first time in his life slepts with socks on

Thank you Santa

He has been asking to play tennis for a while .

DH ( who is the quintessesntial sportsman ) has brought him a set of tennis balls and rackets

We go to play tennis with some of our friends and R has a great time

He savors all the elements of the game - is able to hit the ball a few times-  but this is only a small part of the joy he gets from the game

Through his eyes-  simple game of  tennis is a multisensory experience

Have you ever noticed the perfect symmetry of the clean lines of a tennis court?

 Do you know how many perfect shapes are hidden in a tennis raquet ?

Well I do

I do  now

This new dimension to tennis is not all I discover .

I also see how wonderful DH is  as he - a true sportsman - takes a not-at-all sporty child completely in his stride.

Brings whatever new game R shows interest in

And is completely charmed when R enjoys it in his way without worrying about the appropriateness of the play

There are a lot of statistics on the toll that special needs kiddos can take on marriage

But sometimes it can make your marriage stronger

The eyes of R make everything more interesting

An Icecream Cone becaomes a Birthday Hat

A set of blocks becomes a Giraffe

And so on

I just so love his way of thinking

Another thing I love about him ,  is the way he loves

How can I describe the joy of being the object of R's affection?

Here is me trying to exercise but as soon as R sees me on the exercise ball  he takes it as a chance for a cuddle

Can you see me?

Look carefully

Beneath the DVD player

There is a child

Beneath the child

Above the exercise ball

Is a mother

Every spare minute that he is not in school or in therapy - R tries to make sure he is with me

Here I am sorting out the linen cupboard and right next to me in this sideways picture is R

The more I use my own eyes to look at my life  and not at what the statistics say

The more I feel the the words of Dr Grandin describe my son

Different

Not less

On Hopeful Parents : Loving mother, Therapist mother

I am over at  Hopeful parents  here today talking about something I know many of us struggle with -
Our roles as parent mum and therapist mom
Spoiler alert : I have a solution to this tussle...................NOT :-)
If you have a minute to spare-  do go over to this lovely site

Portrait of a Floortime evening

There are two ways to do Floortime

The well known one is the the 20 – 30 minute session where the parent/therapist begins by observing the child and then follows the child's lead in order to create circles of communication and take the child up the developemental ladder

However there is another way

This is Floortime Philosophy as a lifestyle – this is the one that is practical for our family and the one we do most of the time !

Floortime as a lifestyle

 So here goes an evening which elucidates how Floortime can be a lifestyle

Its 4.30 in the evening  this Wednesday and I walk in after a day in the office - through the living room and coo at DH
R hears my voice and walks downstairs towards me

K : BIG smile ( Affect is Key in Floortime )
R: Smile back ( circle 1)
K : holding arms out - opening mouth as if to speak but not saying anything
R: My love!! ( this is a endearment which I usually say but because I paused - R prompts me to say( Circle 2)  and an example of a Floortime strategy – Pausing with a look of expectation
K : kneels on floor
R: steps inside hug and puts his arms around K ( circle 3)
K – what you want to do ?
R – Go upstairs ( circle 3 )
R - mama sheeping ( ie I should go to sleep )
I go lie down on the bed ( circle 4 )
K – pretends to snore loudly
R – giggles and comments "Mama Snoring" ( circle 5 ) – an example of a child with very limited speech actually using declarative language which is very difficult for kids on the spectrum ... and is also a critical skill

This goes on for a while then
R shouts – "Wake up Mama "
K Jumps out of bed ( circle 10 )

And so the circles go back and forth continuously ( I am not writing more of these down as it would be too horribly boring to read )

We are able to incorporate pretend play

R brings all the trains ( Thomas the engine series ) to the bed and they go to sleep turn by turn and make snoring noises
Example, R puts Gordon to sleep .. and looks at me expectantly
I make snoring noises for Gordon
Then R wants to do the same for Henry
So he throws Gordon on the floor

I try several times to deepen the plot- expand the imaginative story line and try to create a logical idea and work on Level 6 skills

So I pretending that Gordon is hurt with a boo boo and needs a bandaid

But to no avail

This is classic Level 5 not being able to go to Level 6

So while pretend play ( symbolic thinking ) is present – its very primitive and there is not a long and logical set of connected ideas

If he had reached Level 6 thinking – hurt Gordon could have gone to the hospital and got a bandage and henry could have got him a get well soon card

Classic Floortime

Later when R is finished with his ABA therapist and is ready for dinner ( where I hand feed him a lot of veggies ) I have a chance for some Classic Floortime

I observe the scene he is watching which is Blues Clues episode with a breakfast and a song

I modify the song on the DVD to what we are doing

So when they are warbling "Don't forget about breakfast "

I sing "Don't forget about dinner "

And so we go on The DVD , R and me

R coos apraxically "put it in a bowla " ( in a happy coincidence we are eating dinner from a bowl and so is the character Steve in the show )

So we go on throughout the show – writing in a notebook ( when Steve brings out his "handy dandy notebook")

Modifying whatever they are doing to our purposes

R has a real sparkle in his eye

Everytime I start a session with observation of what he is interested in – I am reminded of how using the child's interests to start – is crucial for entering their world and then pulling him to a shared world

Floortime as a lifestyle

Bath and bed time is a time to switch back to general Floortime Style

I ask – what we want to start with , let R decide the routine , give options on soap ,, what towel , clothes to choose right up until bedtime

As you can see we are in a continuous flow of back and forth interaction easily slipping between the two types of Floortime – "Classic Floortime" and then "Floortime Lifestyle"

We simultaneously work on more than one developmental level and get very good Self regulation, engagement , Back and forth interaction , Symbolic thinking etc

We are constantly harnessing R' intent

We try to go a little bit ahead of where we are – we attempt Level 6 ( without success but its necessary to keep trying )

And we do all this for free and with a lot of fun

I hope I am not giving you the impression of being some sort of super mom –

This is an example of a real evening – but I have been conscious and deliberate or Floortime and Floortime Goals, in order to write this post and in fact I am struck by how much more I can and should do .

Many evenings I am slacker mom –

Today for instance – as soon as I arrived home – R wanted to go to Target – then the rest of the evening whittled away with nothing much achieved

But tomorrow is another day !

What is Floortime?

Yesterday I met some lovely mums at our local ASA support group and did a training on Floortime. We had a really great time


I love talking about Floortime and Dr Greenspan for many reasons

1. Floortime is extremely beneficial to the whole family as a whole.  DH and I have a very strong Floortime orientation and we think this has greatly helped R and us
2. Dr Greenspan and The Floortime Foundation have made a lot of resources available for free on the web.
3. The role of the parent is critical – I remember once reading in Kyra's ( "this mom's "post ) that "it seemed that the role of the parents is simply to cart the child from therapy to therapy and sob quietly in car" and one of the reasons why she loved RDI was because it freed her of this . For this reason ( parent having an active role rather than just the payer of the therapies ) I believe that therapies like Floortime, Sonrise.RDI, Hanen are simply great
4. Optimism: One thing I deeply loved about the man was his fundamental optimism- his belief that there was never an end point to development and that hard work was key . I seriously detest the whole idea of all development ending at age 5 .          DrGreenspan would not care what age your child was . With Floortime you would simply look at the "developmental stage " the child was in and then think of how to move forward from there 

One of the mums brought up that she had purchased "Engaging Autism" – but had not read the whole thing through.

Now this was a very dedicated mum and I started thinking about just how difficult it is – especially in that early time to divide up our time between reading /researching and doing


So I decided to write this two pager


Even if you don't want to/don't have the resources to do a full Floortime program – you can certainly employ certain elements of Floortime


So if you have time - go read the book "Engaging Autism" go read the resources given in my sidebar


If you have no time and would rather just read two page summary read on here


Before we go on to Floortime its important to understand the basic model.


Here are the four basic assumptions of the DIR model

• There are 6 milestones that healthy development needs to have
• These milestones are achieved based on interaction with caregiver
• Some children have a sensory system that does not allow them to reach these milestones
• With the help of Floortime Structured play you can help bring the child closer to healthy development

 So first lets describe what are the six milestones




Six milestones of healthy development for a child

1. Self Regulation &Interest in the world
   Taking in the sensory panorama that is the world while regulating your response
2. Intimacy
   Ability to form relationships
3. Two Way Communication
4. Complex Communication
5. Emotional Ideas( pretend play )
   Ability to create ideas, use of symbols example baby doll is fed by mommy doll
6. Emotional Thinking :Ability to build bridges between ideas to make them reality-based and logical.   In stage 5  the child's idea are like islands - so a child might dress up a doll, then, seeing a crayon, scribble, then, seeing a drum, pretend to be a drummer. However a child at stage 6 of emotional thinking connects the pieces together. For example, she might have the drummer play for the dressed-up little girl and use the crayon to make invitations for the performance; or, the doll might have a tea party, call friends to invite them, prepare refreshments, set the table, and determine the seating pattern.

How does an atypical sensory system is prevent the child from achieving these milestones?

Here I most quote the brilliant Ayres

"Let us appreciate how fundamental the body is, more basic even than MOTHER" 
                  
Here are the Seven Senses.

 I will give you some examples of how when the sensory system is not working - a child will miss developmental milestones

Its even more important to point out that a child who is overwhelmed or underwhelmed by his/her sensory system is unable to be calm and engaged. Therefore this child misses many opportunities for the interaction which is critical to development.

• Seeing( suppose an infant sees only parts of his mother's face – never the full face – how will he build a relationship to a person who looks like a stranger each time – how will this child reach milestone 2)
• Hearing( If the child Is hypersensitive to sound and spends their time feeling disoriented and frightened – how will he achieve any of the milestones)
• Smelling
• Tasting
• Touching, plus two more
• Proprioception ( what if the child could not feel their own skin – wouldn't this child spend all their time just trying literally not to fall apart.. how would this child learn to be calm and engaged ?)
• Vestibular

For a minute try to be a sensory detective.

Imagine how your child experiences the world – try to see what it would be like to experience the world as a hypo sensitive child and then as a hypersensitive child

And so the sensory system delivers a double whammy to our child

Whammy One
Their body doesn't work right, so they receive and send mixed-up messages. And so they are harder to "read"
Whammy Two
Their parents have a hard time figuring out how to parent them. Yet, like all kids … but even more so …our kiddos need attunement
Another very important factor is that our own parenting is deeply influenced by our children's responses. And so we may reduce our efforts thinking that nothing works with this child .
We may think our child's reaction is rejection or bad behavior or personality. While its simply a biological response

What is Floortime?

A note before I describe Floortime :

As the sensory system is a critical part of being ready for development you may want to incorporate a sensory diet into your child's life – the first bit of advice we got from our Flooritme psychologist was to fill R's day with SING SWIM and SING – he simply was not ready for much more.

And so this is what we did. And it really helped us.

Our Floortime sessions have infact taken place in what we call sensory areas – the bed ( much Floortime can happen with "pillow sandwich" game), the bathtub, the trampoline and the swing

Now to Floortime.

To quote Dr Greenspan( a lot of this post is directly from Dr Greenspan books and his radio shows ) 

"Floor time [is] a systematic way of working with a child to help him climb the developmental ladder ... By working intensively with parents and therapists, the child can climb the ladder of milestones, one rung at a time, to begin to acquire the skills he is missing…..

Floor time is like ordinary interaction and play in that it is spontaneous and fun. It is unlike ordinary play in that you have a developmental role. That role is to be your child's very active play partner. Your job is to follow your child's lead and play at whatever captures her interest, but to do it in a way that encourages your child to interact with you ... Your role is to be a constructive helper and, when necessary, provocateur by doing whatever it takes to turn her activity into a two-person interaction"


There are two basic principles of Floortime
The first is to follow the child's lead .

Why should we follow the child's lead ?

Because this is the window to their emotional life.

For a variety of reasons, a child may have elected to be more self-absorbed or more aimless and seemingly in his or her own world.

What will motivate them to be a part of a shared world?

Well, the first motivation is to join them in their world and show them that you can respect what they are interested in

So if the child is aimlessly wandering around the room and jumping, we wander and jump with the child.

The child then experiences a partnership in aimless wandering and jumping.

Or if a child is rubbing a spot on the floor -  we might rub a spot on the floor with them . We will see that as a child, instead of looking annoyed or looking irritated or running away from us, starts giving us some friendly looks and some warm smiles and some friendly glances. That's the beginning of that shared world.

But that is only one half of the equation; one half of this dynamic that we call Floortime. There is another half.


The Second Principle is that we join them in their world in order to pull them into a shared world in order to help them master each of their developmental milestone

This means that we are creating systematic challenges to master each level of development. It is in those systematic challenges that many of the specific techniques and strategies of Floortime come

We are always trying to broaden the child's capacities in terms of the current milestones that they have – some children can relate a little bit and be a little bit purposeful – so we are strengthening and broadening those and introducing the next one. If they can be a little purposeful, we want them to be very purposeful. If they can open and close what we call three or four circles of communication that have three and    our back-and-forth's with gestures, we want to get it to seven and eight and then to ten and then to twenty until we get 50+."

What does a Floortime Session look like ?

Before I describe a session let me define what a circle of communication is

A circle of communication is when a piece of communication ( it can be word or gesture) is given by one and then returned by the other – so for instance here is a example of circles of communication

A: Smile at B

B: acknowledges B by smiling back ( CIRCLE ONE COMPLETE )

A : Hi how are you doing

B: I am doing great ( CIRCLE TWO COMPLETE )

And so on ..

Almost all our interactions are several circles of communications in a row . However if B has autism, B would not complete the circle of communication (and soon A would give up trying )

The thing you want to see in Floortime session is many circles of communication in a row

Here is what a Floortime session looks like :

Step 1. Observe your child.

Step 2. Approach your child.

Step 3. Follow your child's lead.

Step 4. Extend and expand on your child's ideas.

Step 5. Open and close circles of communication with your child.

Click here for some youtube videos for what a session looks like ( thanks Li for the suggestion for the videos)

Some Important Floortime Strategies

• Always Start with Observation – do not skip this step – your child is ALWAYS doing something even if they are flicking their hands in front of their eyes or staring at the fan – its important to note their mood and your mood
• Set the Stage ; sensory comfort zone -
• Circle of communication
• Affect- use emotion
• Playful Obstruction- when your child is not allowing you to join in – you can playfully obstruct them so for example if your child is rubbing a spot on the wall – you can put your hand over the spot –when your child removes your hand – you have a circle of communication !
• Process not content – Suppose your child wants to go out in the yard – you can "play dumb" and pretend you don't know how to open – suppose your child puts your hand on the knob – play dumb again and pretend you don't know where to turn the knob – if he turns your hand to the right now you have TWO circles of communication in a row!!!
• Never change the topic – forget appropriate play
• Talk Less – only talk at the level that your child can speak at – gestures are fine too
• Do less
• Need to woo and entice the child – but not entertain the child – don't forget the second principle of Floortime
• Floortime should be enjoyable to child
• Deepen the plot , don't change the topic – if your child is distracted bring them back to the original topic

Here is what I would like you all to do after you read this

Read this again tomorrow and first try to see where your child is at developmental milestone wise

Then try to do a 10 minute Floortime Session

In my next post I will give some examples of a Floortime Session 

Sources 

ICDL FLoortime Training 2008

Sensory Organisation Training by Rosemary White - 2008

The Child with Special needs, Engaging Autism , Dr Stanley Greenspan


www.icdl.com, Dr Greenspan Radio Transcript

http://www.polyxo.com/floortime/buildingplaypartnerships.html

Floortime Guide – for parents by parents

www.floortimerepository.com

Floortime Training ICDL 2008 Rebecca Shahmoon Shanok, LCSW, PhD,New York City.Lisa de Faria, MSW, LCSW, BCDMonterey, CA