Wednesday, March 31, 2010

The week of March 27th; I which I have a little staycation and have time with R


I clean insanely while DH and R are away for gymnastics with my I pod in my ears listening to "The Hollow" by Agatha Christie-

 ( My local library now allows you to electronically check out books- can you belive how cool my little town in getting?)

I have read it many times before - at different parts of my life.

But somehow this makes it even more enjoyable.

Like a favorite bit of road you like to drive on -

More fun each time you do it as you can expect all the lovely bits,  that you know are waiting for you

The last time I read it was several years ago.

I find it interesting that the parts I remember are mostly the eccentric personalities and all the romances ( for its one of those set of characters where each person is in love with another - who does not return their love but in fact is in love with another person - who as it turn out also does not return their love and so on )  -

I have forgotten all about the actual murders - which is what the story was all about !

I think what people remember, tells you a lot of who they are!

( I have been reading murder mysteries for as long as I can remember- for nothing was really censored while we were growing up and I read verything I could get my hands on and dreadful books like The Omen as a small child.
Nowadays, parents are always encouraging their kids to read thinking if they do not -their kids will not like books.
We grew up obsessed with reading and my mum was forever telling us to go to sleep and not stay up late and ruin our eyes- though my dad - himself a great bibliophile -  would induge us in our obsession with books )

I enjoy cleaning tremendously - mostly when I am alone in the house

I am setting things to order- such a sense of peace!

By the time, DH come back I have made a nice tea for us though R has lost his glasses and is in major trouble for this

I do dinner and bath and then put R to bed.

DH and I have a very nice time watching a movie( did you hear about the Morgans )  - its full of cliches but I love it


Since its a sunny day today we postpone all our work to tomorrow and have a lovely time with R

I write a schedule down in the morning ( of course starting with the awful Wii Fit - but its only 40 minutes as I am terribly careful to set the timer !)

We do a great Floortime session in the trampoline

We have a lovely time setting up a whole batch of Thomas trains that DH has purchased from Ebay at my behest while his therapist is here.

I am so enamored by Thomas that I told DH to buy it "at any price" "if he loved me at all" 

(I really enjoy kids toys - I suppose I enjoy a good bargain even more - for  when we go to Target the next day I am quite crushed to see that the batch was not such a great deal after all )

R watches a backyardigans show and I try to repeat the scenes as they happened  with the dolls

He is equal parts intrigued and nervous about this  and tries to get me back to doing what I ususally do with one of the characters.

 I am curious is to why this is making him nervous- why he wants to get back to an old and familiar pattern

He is not distracted by what I am doing - paying great attention in fact - and somehow I feel like I am literally seeing new neurons fire.

Besides half the game of being a good mum to an autie is to expand the comfort zone

So I plan to do this again at the next opportunity

We recycle all our trash and then  go to the library in the afternoon.

I try to offer him a couple of books but R points to a poster and says clear as bell "if u give a mouse a cookie" and so we quickly try to find it for him - he is looking so cool in this picture in the corner of the library  - relaxed and disdainful

We come home and R has his session with S at which time I clean the play room and re-organise everything

DH and I always marvel at the way R always plays Thomas at Toysrus - but never at the one at home

Suddenly DH suggests that maybe our train set-up has too much going on -

 I try to look at our set up with the eyes of R and realise DH is right -

So I remove the construction site , the helicopter set up etc

Lets see how R reacts to it tomorrow

I sweep the garage

I have also made a resolution to make R try new foods

I try the following

  1. Apple
  2. Minestrone soup
  3. Strawberry yogurt

R acts like all of these things  are poison

I have read one of Barbra's( therextras - really cool blog  by a professional in the field - see link on the side )  posts on Heavy work  and am thinking that we will need to do more of this

We watch a really boring movie "Dawn of Lying"-

Its depressing and annoying as its about the world as it would be if no one lied .

I give up half way through as its too depressing - confirms what I already know - the world would be a dreadful place if everyone always said exactly what they thought ( isnt this why Aspies and Auties are always getting into trouble socially? )

I read somewhere that "truth and beauty are one and the same "

This is NONSENSE of course - love and beauty are one and the same -

I tell DH the 100% honesty is a very bad thing and he should always feel free to be kind and untruthful to me as long as it makes me feel better ( who really wants to know the truthful answer to "do I look fat?" )


Dawns rainy and grey

But somehow the shades of grey remind me of the monsoons in India which I love

 ( for it does not rain through the year as it does here - it rains a lot in two months of the year )

The rains are eagerly awaited and all the songs etc are about welcoming the rain and the clouds ( in the way in the West all the happy songs and poetry is about  Summer and the Spring )

We go to Target and R really wants to play with my Iphone ( baby flash cards ) I tell him he cannot have it while he is walking around

He weeps bitter tears and then tells me emphaisizing EACH word -

Can I have Baby Fash cards please?

( we have taught him to script a few sentences after the Nancy Kauffman Seminar )

Really he is the rudest wellmannered child I ever saw

I  tell him I love him but he cannot have it

With R its somehow essential to tell him that you love him when you scold him or say NO to him  .

I sense he thinks you stop loving him when you say No

We play in the playroom

My hypothesis of yesterday was wrong and R is no more interested in the Thomas set up which is now clean and nice-  than he was before

Sigh !

We do some pretend play - but its uphill work

Again when we are in a set up with a lot of toys - he tends to go from toy to toy without deepening the plot with any one thing

There is certainly something to be said for the Sonrise principle of being locked in a room with the child and not having too many distractions

The bigger lesson is that R always has his OWN agenda and I need to be mindful of it -

Either all our games must be between him and me


I must play with only the characters du jour for R - this is Backyardigans right now !

We play outside for  a while

Then its time for dinner

When I say its dinner time

R tells me ambitously "chips and cheese"

I have to smile - I am thrilled at his desire to  negotiate

( but not so thrilled that I agree so he has his ususal chicken pureed veggies and rice )


I dont do much really except gloat about how I have the next two days off


R is up at 2.45 am and runs off to the computer and is watching "Lou and Lou's Safety patrol " ( two extraordinarily annoying children who spend their time smugly identifying mistakes that people make . I know plenty of real life Lou's and Lou's and they are terribly annoying people)

I sternly tell R to come back to bed and he slinks back reluctantly

For some reason though we have a giant King size bed we wake up in a heap in in one corner and end up sleeping really late

The morning is very rushed rushed as our cleaning lady is here and at the same time R's speechie is also here

R is a little weepy today - I really should have done a written schedule

We go off to Mc donalds and he tries to eat the  coverings and hide the meat

After this we go to the library and he makes me sing all the posters - its very very nice.

DH and I have been thinking about how we need to teach him to be less noisy -

There has been a lot of controversy about  a certain post in the blogosphere.

I suppose you all know the one I am talking off.( where a mum was annoyed by another grandma who had come to the library with her autistic child )

Because of this, somehow I am just more aware of R in public and more mindful that he not be annoying to others ( while ofcourse philosophically I am all outraged and believe people should be  tolerant of accepting of our Auties- and  should never make fun of them and their odd behaviors  in blogs  or elsewhere )

DH wins father of the year award by ordering chicka chicka boom boom in the library -

R is ecstatic and swoons over his precious treasure

We come home and he rushes out to rake all the leaves -

I love the way he interacts with nature

He touches and feels everything

I have learned more about what grass and leaves smell really like after being his mum

I  win many brownie points by singing about what he is looking at " Green green the grass is green " etc

Of course the songs he loves most are the songs that are about his many virtues and how much I adore him - he will giggle and ask me to sing again and again

We scooter and jump

 While jumping I am teaching him the words - "over "and "under by rolling with him - so I would roll with him and when I was on top - I would say -"Mama is over"

His therapist told me today that he was doing "much better" with prepositions.
This of course made me wonder immediately that he had memorized the tests ( without really understanding the meaning )

So I have made up my mind to use a lot of prepositions in real life

Unfortunately  in the teaching of these words, his glasses break-  - he holds them up piteously -and tries to put the broken stick over his ear.

While I am swearing in my head, I quickly take the chance to teach him the word "broken"

 ( Autie mums waste no real life opportunity !!)


Dawns gorgeous and sunny

I have learned from my mistakes yesterday and make a schedule - this is very helpful - written schedules are criticial for everyone -

I am bereft without mine ( after all what is  my Microsoft Office calendar but not a written schedule?)

After his morning therapy - we go off for a playdate with my friend L and her daughters L and C - C is in R's class .
I have gone armed with a bag of goodies to entice the kids to play together - bubbles and balls

( The holy trinity of enticing kids to play are the 3 B's Bubbles, Balls and balloons)

DH has coached me - to play the stop and go game with the two kids

So the idea is this - L and I will take our two kids by hand and we will do the stop and go game.. then we will gradually fade out and only R and C will be holding hands  and playing stop and go

However all this planning is futile

The kids will have NOTHING to do with each other

C splashes into a puddle so we leave the playground and  go to their backyard where they have a GORGEOUS playset !- (so that C can take off her wet shoes )

(I am quite enamored by the playset - yet with R things can be a hit and things can be a miss so when we return home - I wheedle DH to buy the playset - but lackadaisically - as with R you just never know

If I plead too hard - and we get the playset - and then R does not play with it much - it will be a monument - permanent and prominent - of my lack in judgment)

Today again I notice how sensitive R is to my moods and words.

For when L and I discuss assisted living for autistic adults ( for though I think R will be fine and hopefully not need a lot of support when he grown up - still its best to plan for the worst possibilities ) he pulls me to him and says "Go home " .

A little later we change the topic and I tell L - that while there are many stresses supposedly for Autie parents - DH and I often say that R is the best part of our lives .

He immediately sags in relief and lolls about in  the trampoline staring at the skies with all thoughts of going home vanquished

L and I are VERY alike in our parenting views and so we have a lovely time as much as the kids will let us

For the kids will not play alone today !!

All the stress of being asked to play with each other has caused them to want to make their separate world with  their respective mums.

L and I are forced to shout out conversation bits from the swings where she swings her daughters and the trampoline where I jump with R .

We say goodbye - and  though we have had fun ,  L says ruefully "The kids ruined our playdate "

This is exactly what I am thinking and we laugh because the truth is that the main fun of the playdate is how L and I get to chat - while still feeling like good mums -as the kids are outside and doing physical activity and not in front of a screen !

We come back home and I make Quesadilla for lunch - Yummmmm

 R eats a mountain of Pizza  - and makes an extraordinary mess

His therapist takes him for an outing to AC moore ( a crafts store for any non-southerners reading this )

DH and I eat while watching Law & Order

And R comes back with beads with letters on them and they plan to do an activity tomorrow with it

I am basking in the hot sun drinking coffee,  typing this  and listening  to the buzzing bees  and my DH working in the garden

I also have the added glow of being a good mom ( I spend an extraordinary amount of time trying to be a good girl  it seems ) as R has had a playdate and 2 therapy sessions and its only 3 in the afternoon

This is the life - my friends - this is the life !!!


Rachel said...

You sound insanely busy - but I suppose that's partly because I can barely remember what happened yesterday, much less for an entire week :)

(Yes my friend, older men are far more charming and interesting! I am blessed to have such an intelligent, funny, adventurous, and handsome husband!)

I can relate to the hit-and-miss of toys! Thomas has been a big favorite of Itty Bit's for some time, and now he is on to GeoTrax and into Playdoh.

So glad you got to spend some much-enjoyed time with R this week!

(And those Glamour Shots were atrocious - it took me two weeks to comb out my hair, LOL!)

Þorgerður said...

Wow, how I envy your basking in the sun. My nose literally froze off today.
Cheers to busy days and great playing.

Kim said...

I love reading about your busy week and how you treasure the everyday moments.

Anonymous said...

I enjoy your posts as much as you enjoy your Agatha Christie - only I have frequent outbursts of laughter. You are so sweet to highlight my blog - and we are in a mutual referral time as your previous post will be linked into my next post. Barbara

Territory Mom said...

I don't know how you do it all. I've never read Agatha Christie, but I think I will start. You should start a book club blog. I'm going to check out the Morgans. It sounds like R is doing great.

robin said...

I feel so lazy now, lol! You are an inspiration!

Lisa said...

K- Serious? You love to clean?
AH! I have a huge disdain for it, I like the after affect but there are so many things I would rather be doing. I keep trying to convince Mr. Pedersen to hire someone to do that for us....not working.

You are so busy but somehow manage to keep calm in your truly are amazing.

I love that image of R on the really is beautiful.


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