Saturday, August 29, 2009

SOOC Saturday: The Happiness Magnet

I met someone sad recently.

His sadness - it was like a physical thing.

I think he is recently (and unhappily ) divorced . He has a way of bringing “my ex-wife” into the conversation.

A lot.

And sometimes he slips and says “my wife and I”( as in “ my wife and I love to cook!” ) instead of my ex wife. It tells its own story!
Me and my friend, take him out to lunch.We are the epitome of good Southern warmth ( though I suppose if you want to be specific – my friend is a New Yorker and I am as brown as anyone that ever stirred a curry )

Still we are not much comfort.

Though we try so hard and I feel helpless

While talking to him, I remember another person I met many years ago.

Its many years ago.I am visiting my MIL for Diwali ( Indian Christmas ) .

I am standing on a terrace looking down idly.

I see a man. He is carrying that same cloud of sadness.

He and the cloud stay in my mind forever. I can still see him, shoulders hunched , hands in pocket. Black sweater.

A year or so later, I meet the man again. He turns out to be a schoolmate of my DH ( DH went to a posh school and they are very cliquish) . I ask him about the other time I saw him.
He thinks back and says it was a very bad time for him as his sister’s cancer had returned. (she has since died since and life goes on) . He is still sad.

( I meet him again about 3 years ago. He is married and the sad air was all gone !)

Sad people have a different air about them .

Sadness is infectious

When I get back home I am feeling melancholy too

R ever attuned to how I feel inside.

He knows that when maudlin, I am apt to clutch him and weep ( as I have been doing this the past weekend while reading “The Lovely life” )and ask unanswerable questions( why is there so much pain in the world ?)

To avoid me, he gives me his therapists’ PECS ( sticker on which her name was written ) several times.

Even though I entice him with – Playdoh and stencils of numbers- he is astute and is not fooled by my pretend-happy!

Later in the evening, I use exercise to snap out of gloom – R notices and fawns over me effusively.

Truly its one of the strangest ironies of life that this breed - the sad - who needs friendship the most –does not attract people

Happiness is a magnet.


Unfortunately it makes us invisible.

There are so many social stories that teach our auties how to interact

So many scripts on how to make friends

And yet the constant teaching of how to act different – may destroy the most precious people-magnet that our kiddos have!

The happiness elixir inside them.

While we must learn to not just empathize but also help those people with sadness

One of the most impt lessons we much teach our kiddos is how to be happy

My little boy brims over with happiness.

Just look at him

Effortlessly , he is Mr Popular with all the people he cares about - therapists, teachers , my friends, his parents.

Of all the things that are almost unbearably precious about R.

Of all the things I hope he learns

I hope this thing he will always retain

The art of happy

For more fun with pictures and the stories behind them- or to participate yourself- visit Slurping Life- its a lovely blog - her link is on my list


Niksmom said...

It is quite the paradox that happy attracts while sad repels or renders us invisible. Thank goodness for the mitigating quality of compassion which allows us to reach out to others!

The art of happy. I'd say your boy is a master at that art. :-)

Lisa said...

K, I believe it is only the compassionate one's that can read the sadness, and it is quite obvious you are.

Very sweet picture, and I couldn't help but notice the barney book, the twins are OBSESSED with the purple dinosaur.


Lee said...

Sweet photo!

Mr. Daddy said...

As always K you expressed it so well...

Thanks for sharing.

I cracked up when I read your definition of yourself...

it doesn't matter the color of you skin, you have a beautiful heart and spirit.

B said...

How true and so well written. We can't ever forget that happiness brings light to anyone who happens to be in the vicinity of the bearer. Just another reason I enjoy your company. You are always a bright light.

robin said...

You are so right...

...about the paradox, and about R!

Anonymous said...

Beautiful Post! I think the art of happy is what we all strive for in life & really is our only real wish for our children. :) You just couldn't have put it any more perfectly!

Rachel said...

Perfectly lovely - and that photo of him makes me want to reach out and join him! His happiness is contagious through the screen!

Anonymous said...

What a deep post! And so, so true.. sadness does cast a shadow that dulls the world around the person, while happiness brightens everyone's day. I suppose you could liken it to weather; most people would choose sunny over gloomy every time, and they do that with people, too. Truly, to be able to instruct our children in the art of being happy would be a great gift. And happy doesn't come from things (and may actually depart as things fill up the space..). You've really made me think today... instead of straight out of the camera, this one has been "straight out of the cranium"!

Sande said...

A truth well stated.

hope4jackson said...

So wonderfully written. Your thoughts ring so true with me. <3

TJ said...

<3 Yes. Just yes. Thank you, again, K, for being the wonderful you that you are.

danette said...

K, this is beautiful and insightful.

I love the picture of R, he does indeed radiate happiness, it is that kind of happiness that just can't help but brighten one's day :).

The Animator's Wife said...

I always love reading your inspiring perspective on things. That is a gift too!

Lyndsey said...

Very true, to be sure. He has such a sweet face. He smiled at me the other day when I got C off the bus--I think he's starting to recognize me.:)

Happiness is the thing that keeps me from feeling like all is lost sometimes. My girls are both such happy, radiant little things. As long as that holds true, I won't worry so much about what their futures hold.

Frogmum said...

He looks like a very cute and happy little man :D Nice capture !

BenLand said...

you write so well....i love to read your words...
i love your pictures son is beautiful :)

Jewelz said...

I was a little too slow and this weekends mantra of 'better late than never' didn't quite work for me. I missed Mr Linky

Glad I didn't miss the opportunity to drop by your place though. It is nice to be encouraged to 'think' occasionally. A nicely written piece. Sweet capture also!

Thanks for sharing

Anonymous said...

=) I love this post so much. I think one of the biggest reasons that I view Daniel's autism as a blessing is that he IS so happy. His happiness is a blessing- a daily gift. And the purity that comes with his Autism, at least at this age is priceless... Your little guy seems very much the same. And wise in some way. I'm not much of a people reader, but I imagine that, when I see his picture.

SoCo mom said...

What a gift! Both to be happy and attract others and to be around it.

So true, and I love the photo of him.

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