My mum says she gets ill a lot now that my sister and I have left the house.
When we lived at home we were so much work -that she never had the time to get sick.
My friend at work, who was looking forward all last week to her DH and kids going off on vacation, so she would have more time to herself has come in to work with red red eyes
"I could not sleep a wink. I am missing them so much K. The house is so quiet. I never knew how silent it could get" she tells me
This feeling of being needed - both burdensome and addictive all at once seems such a core part of being a mum.
Of course being the mom of a special needs child adds an extra turn to the dial of each feeling.
( Doesn't it seem that way with everything in Autism land -
Each emotion is the same - but what is different is this - everything is dialed up several notches)
I am thinking of this as I am breaking up chips into small pieces for R for his pre-therapy snack
He wont eat them if they are not in small bits.
In the same way he wont eat any vegetables unless they are pureed.
In the way he cannot sleep unless some part of me or DH is touching him all the time
I am making his drink - water with ice and just a splash of Sprite - because without that little carbonation he will not drink anything at all
( the rules of -if they are hungry enough or thirsty enough they will eat and drink just don't apply to our autie kids)
I am making a mental note to give him that 10 minute warning before his therapy starts so he knows its coming.
Parents of typical children may wonder how we love our children so much -
They may appear unlovely to normal eyes
But us mums and dads know, that if anything, perhaps we feel even more for our special needs kiddos than we feel for our normal children
For to these children we are the indispensable life line
That crucial part- without which the entire machinery of therapies and school will come to a halt
The reason for every skill learned and the reason for a necessary skill not being present( no wonder we carry so much guilt around)
The real twist that can add an edge in our love is that in helping our children with special needs lead happy lives - only we know ( and care ) exactly what they need
I ponder upon how indispensable us mums and dads of special needs children are
I hope we live long
I hope we all live healthy