Random acts of Kindness

I have been thinking lately of how easy it is to choose to be kind

For instance , my friend Debbie always smiles at Wal Mart greeters because as she says "you never know if that is the only social interaction they will have all day"

Now I too beam at them .
There is an old man who lives a few houses down.

He and I always seem to be taking walks at the same time. And he always smiles at me.

DH calls him my boyfriend  and he comes up often in our conversation

For example, if DH does not thank me when I do something for DH, I tell him reproachfully "I bet my boyfriend would never do that."

The old man is very hard of hearing and so chatting with him is a little tiring as I have to yell at the top of my voice

But these days, I think  of what Debbie said about the Walmart greeters( what if this is his only social interaction of the day ?)  and I have resolved to chat with him no matter how awkward it is to yell out pleasantries!

And every day this week - its as though my smile says to him that I am open to chat instead of just being polite.

So, instead of just saying hi he crosses the road and  we talk

And everyday he asks me a question

What is your name ?

Then

Where do you live?

Then

Why do you walk ?

He asks me the other day

( I tell him its to lose weight.I try to look interested,   - when he explains in detail that weight loss calorie intake minus calorie output )
But the next day he offers to give me his exercycle.

When I say I already have one ( I dont, but loathe exercycling ) he gruffly says "its just lying around "-( not wanting to appear too kind too needy)

I sense a proud spirit and thank him sincerely for the thoughtfulness and he looks mollified

A couple of days ago he asks me " What is your son's affliction .. why do you have to wheel him around ?"
( I have told him earlier that R has Autism but I am guessing he did not hear the word Autism or does not know what Autism means  but has gathered that R has a condition )

 " I just wheel him so I can take a walk at adult speed .. I miss him all day so I hate being away from him in the evening ...he has Autism but he can walk ?" I tell him

"What is his prognosis" he asks

I reply " His prognosis is fantastic.. he is just so smart and so sweet "

He recognises the dont-you-dare-feel-sorry-for-me in my voice ( takes one to know one )

Pats my shoulder and says "He gets that from him mother"

The book is wrong - its not really pay it forward

Random acts of kindness have instant return

Weekly round up W/O Oct 1

Thursday

Is a rushed day at work and I take off at half day.

We drive to Indianapolis-  go non-stop.
I want to stop at Mc Donalds.
However DH insist  that we should have a proper meal . So we get McNuggets at a drive thru for R for dinner . He LOVES them.
We have a really  nice dinner as the hotel has a nice restaurant in  the lobby.

We bring a laptop with a computer game with Big Bird on it and we have a lovely time.
Really we go everywhere with R - we just make sure to make it enjoyable for him

It turns out that they have a nice warm water pool and so we make a quick trip to Target so DH and R can get swimming trunks for the next day! while I am at the conference.

We are very tired so it takes me ages to get us ready to sleep

Friday

Is the conference which I wrote about in my previous post!
DH and R swim in the morning and then go to Children museum

We drive back home - it takes us AGES to get back. We eat lunch at Cracker Barrel ( of course stopping by McDonald's to get the ubiquitous  Mc Nugggets for R.

While I know this is junk food - its such a relief to have something that R will eat outside and eat happily. He  sometimes turns the container upside down to make sure that its all gone.. This really really makes my heart sing as he is a very fussy eater and its a constant source of stress for me when we travel )

Because of this junk he says "Chukun" ( chicken ) so well
I have not been watching what I eat as carefully as I need to and I will have to do the walk of shame at the LA weightless center next week

It takes us REALLY long to get back home and R is sooo thrilled when we are back home
( and so am I ).

I love my home

Saturday

Is a glorious sunny perfect Fall day!

DH chops and I cook in the morning ( but lazily ) .

Its amazing to me how many beans we use
Since trying to read about nutrition - beans are really the perfect food - So I puree chili beans into a tomatillo soup , make a bean salad with chopped peppers red onions and black beans and chick peas and also make a kidney bean soup ( Rajma ).

I make chicken curries and potato dishes for DH - for I am bean-mad and he is meat-mad

We go to the Expo center which turns out to have an entrance fee.
We see people turning away with  outraged expressions "Walmart does not charge you money to shop" an old lady is saying - puffing away at her smoke  self righteously.

She is right but we go in anyway!

Inside is an ALARMING display of poor taste - wall hangings displaying  impossibly bosomy women, paintings that are lit from inside, pictures of benign deers  and religious devotion in every art form you could imagine- like lamp shades etc.
There is especially an abundance of gaudy jewelery - the kind you see in gangster movies

All this is very funny and we enjoy ourselves tremendously .

I buy a  camera for my mum .

R runs hither tither like a crazy bug - its too stimulating a place   - we literally have to take turns- one looks at things the other looks at R.
I don't know how single mums and single dads do it!

Back home I lose my temper at R as he does not want to go on the stroller for a walk with me.

He wants to do the wii Fit .

I say to him First Stroller then Wii Fit .

But he he keeps saying Wii FIt
I  yell - No Wii FIT if no stroller

He is my son and has a lot of Self respect - so he climbs on his high horse and goes away to the computer
I go away and spend some time on my  computer
Later on I go back and apologize to him.I tell him that I try to be a good mum but sometimes it does not work out.Mollified, he backs into me and then hugs me tight.


Sunday

Promised to be a glorious sunny day but dawns greyglumgloomy

I loll around a bit with R and then also stim on the computer - Facebooking and blogging

Then in the afternoon we go to Miss Heidi's - she is just adorable - 5 kids and skinny as a rail and looks about 16
They are trying out some new moves .. where he has to move to the music - its really VERY hard for him and its more evidence of the global apraxia that plagues him

But I am soooo proud of the way he goes on a really high balance beam - bending down to press the horns and then rising up again .
Since he has gravitational insecurity and a mild bit of vertigo - its really an act of courage.


We come back home and it starts to rain in the afternoon - DH and I plan to loll around in front of the TV
But R has different plans.He comes down and tries to shape my hands.I cannot quite make out what he is trying to say
So I open word on my laptop and type in "BUTTERFLY?"
He writes FISH
As I start moving my hands like a fish

He then quickly he types JUMP
While its raining, we go out to jump and jump on the trampoline like mad crickets and then he wants to swing.

The rain is very wet and now its somewhat chilly so I bribe him with the Wii Fit after swinging 200 times
Once inside I change his wet shirt with a shirt of DH that has somehow missed completing the cycle of the laundry .( ie it was washed and folded but somehow missed being put in the closet - every time I see it I remember that I must put it away but I keep forgetting )  He is sooo adorable in this giant shirt

And we do Wii Fit  - I make him say everything - he is getting so good - he almost says "Soccer Heading" clear as bell !( it does not have any of the sounds he cannot make - even the "Ruh" is silent !)

Monday

In the evening I quickly make R's dinner-
I make the batter for R's Gluten Free cookies and then ask DH to come and drop them with a spoon on the oven tray.
DH is very dextrous and his I know will come out better than mine . He instead finds and alphabet cookie cutter and patiently spends ages  makes ABCD shapes for the cookies - really he is such a good daddy !

Hopefully R will notice1
Its interesting that parents usually are trying to teach their kids the alphabet by shaping treats into them
We try to get R to eat stuff by turning treats into academic thing.


Such is the topsy turvy world of Autism parenting

As the evening is whizzing past I tell him he must choose between WiiFit and Computer - this is a hard one for him and he spends ages deliberating.Finally he chooses Wii FIt - he finishes it one game early -hoping to get some computer in . But I am firm - he does a little fake cry-to negotiate - But I am too smart for it ( bitter experience has taught me to be careful - if you give in once this will quickly mean that you will give in always and the power of the visual written schedule will be gone )
I tell him C's mum said he looked cute - he looks startled at this  -I can see the wheels turning in his head( where did she see me .. what was I wearing ?) . I tell him in the bus and he looks reassured

Tuesday

VERY busy time at work and the evening passed by maddeningly quickly
Its a dreary rainy evening and DH's golf is also canceled which sucks. We cannot play outside and I am getting really frustrated with the way my time with  my baby passes by so fast. It seems like whatever free time I have with him - I am fighting with the screens or doing logistics .
Further I want him to be able to have some time to do just what he wants as  he works sooo hard. Which is why playing outside is perfect - he loves it - I get time with him - AND its good for him
But the rain is killing my fun ...
Go away  - horrible sucky rain .. you are ruining my life
Waaaah waaah waaaaaah

Kaufman Seminar: October 2009

Here are my key to do's from the Kaufman seminar as applicable to R

HIGHEST APPROXIMATION :

Make a list of favorite objects and write down the highest approximation that R can make of them

Example – Ming Ming ( Wonderpets character ) would be mi mi. Remote – would be – Mote. The idea is that practice makes perfect and so you keep practicing and replacing the lower approximation with a higher approximation

While its important to show approval for the best approximation – its also critical to model correctly – Example "R you want to open window? Say opuh widow – ( after R says opuh widddo then say "good saying open window")

START WITH MANDS

This basically means teach them language by first teaching them to demand things. So teach them the word Sprite because they love Sprite( if they do ) not to randomly label juice – If they have no interest in juice. This is because many Auties can label accurately without being able to use the word functionally ( this is not a problem for R largely because we have always followed this principle )

She seemed a big fan of errorless teaching and also said at all costs to avoid power struggles with the child

So for example if the child wants candy - just start by saying candy candy candy three times and immediately giving the child candy. The next time see if he will make even a little sound and reward and praise and give the candy immediately

SCRIPTING

Teach them to use phrases not just the word by teaching them the scripts - even if EACH word is an ( highest ) approximation. Example "I want to jump" instead of just "Jump"

PIVOT SYLLABLES

If they can master any pivot syllable( something that could be a pivot for many other words ) like "ny"- teach them all the words with that – like honey , bunny, funny.

Similarly use Pivot phrases while using scripting. I pivot phrase would be something like "I want " "I see"

BRIDGE

Say if they are having trouble with a word like Down teach them a bridge word like Daddy –

AVOID POTENTIAL PROSODY

Prosody means speaking in a monotone( inflection – less ) . So make sure when you model a script sentence or a word you speak it with a natural intonation not in a monotone!

RAPIDLY EXTINGUISH THE END DUH SOUND

R sayd "Byduh" in place of Bye – I asked her about this and she said its easy to start speaking but hard to stop which is the reason for the Duh at the end

But she said it has to stop as it's a habit that can continue

 

OTHER INTERESTING THINGS

I got to have lunch with her ( she did not single me out of the large audience for my extraordinary charms – but she had lunch with handful of parents that were there – as the audience comprised largely of SLP's )

So I asked her the question that we have been wondering about as to why he can say the e sound ( the way we say the letter e not how its said phonetically ) when stimming but cannot do it on demand

Kind of like an example of a child she gave who could stick his tongue out when a lollipop was held out in front of him but could not stick it out on demand

She said this is the classical sign of Apraxia but she did not say why this happens. Just shrugged her shoulders – LOL

She also talked about how Vincent Carbonne ( who is the expert on Verbal Behavior ) and one of her collegues have come together – Vincent Carbonne believed that the main challenge that auties have to language is lack of motivation. But the fact is that many auties have apraxia along with autism . So even when the motivation has come – the plain ability to speak may not be there

I will write more reflections – but the seminar was good and I am glad we went !

 

 

 

More weekly round up Thursday onwards

Thursday

We meet some friends for dinner. We have been trying to schedule time together and it turn out if we depend on weekend schedules we shall meet next year. So on an impulse we decide to meet THAT day . Its a really nice famly place - shiny clean - fries to die for. The owner comes and meets us.

R behaves very well - he is very hungry and wolfs down his food . once food has been eaten - he does a few stimmy dances. I tell my friend firmly that he is doing VERY WELL( inspite of his stimmy behavior ) I suppose I am secretly scared that she will feel sorry for me as she is meeting R after 2 years. She says of course he is !

her son is a simply divine child - about 13 - and he is so sweet to his mum when he was 6 or 7 - making his mum little jewelery in crafts class. I tell him that he made me realize that having a kid may not be such a bad thing after all ( I was never much of a kid person - till I had R ). He is red with pleasure

As we have eaten dinner outside R has missed his TV - so in order to see his TV ( and knowing I will never refuse food ) - he runs to the frig and writes EAT DINNR( its funny to see him spell wrong as he is marvelously accurate with the words that he is interested in )

Any I DO let him watch TV but also DO feed him some pureed veggies ( so as to not let him do this trick again)

Friday

Is another evening that buzzes away without noticing

We watch an alarming amount of TV after R goes to bed

I cut only the front part of R's hair as he cries piteously when his hair is being cut . But the front part MUST be cut as its getting into his eyes.
So I cut some bits from the front promising just 5 snips. he eyes me suspiciously as I do the countdown!

This I am SURE is the way the Mullet originated .

Someone's wimpy mother - too wimpy to cut all his hair, but also fearling blindness from all the hair in the eyes just  cut the front part

Saturday

DH chops and I cook furiously in the morning
We are all done by 1 . its still raining thunderously
By the afternoon I shake my fist at the grey skies and am DETERMINED to have fun - I end up remembering that a fellow college had  told me about this cheerleading place which lets you do free play - we go and its a MARVEL - 5 dollars for an hour and its a sensory delight - R has a marvelous time ( and so do I )

We go to Home Depot to get our new front door - its brigt red and has a screen - which is lovely as all the Fall I love to have the house as open as possible trying to get in all the fresh air I can in preparation for the lousy winter
One alarming thing I am noticing in R's propensity to just wander off in the store ( in a flash of a second )
In the night before I go to sleep - I am seized with a HUGE moment of PANIC - I have been so lazy with Floortime these days

Sunday

Is GLORIOUS - its like all these days of rain never were - the sky is blue and everthing is shiny and fresh and clean

We go to the park with my gorgeous friend and her two gorgeous daughters - we have a simply marvelous time- Her daughter goes to school in the same class as R and R perked up when I wrote her name on the schedule this morning But at the park all three ignore each other.

Autie kids are so peaceful to be with and L and I have a lovely time while our kiddos just play by themselves peacefully - coming to us from time to time for hugs or to explore our purses for treats or lotions
Its so nice to be with someone who is completely in my parallel universe as we understand each other perfectly!
L boasts" C lied to me yesterday" and I clap my hands in delight ( only an Autie mom would know what a marvelous developmental leap the desire the decieve for your own gain is )
At home I basically either take R out or feed him - so we jump in the trampoline or go for a long walk

One funny thing I notice is how easily R is able to sequence logic - so when I take June of Little Einsteins and place her on J in the alphabet sheet - he quickly puts Leo Annie and Quincy on L, A and Q !

Once R is in bed, DH and I watch Murder Mystery theater on PBS - which is marvelous and  spectacular.
We also watch Desperate Housewives - but the prior show has ruined me with its high quality and the characters in Desperate Housewives seem petty, shallow and unidimensional. ( I know I will enjoy it again next week as I love its gossipy feel   -but today I am too high minded and sophisticated and about subtlety and art )
I have a hard time sleeping and make a vow to go to bed early tomorrow ( which as you see I shall break tomorrow )

Monday

I come back and loll around with R- I start a game with R of Wonderpets - but his teacher calls to tell me she wanted to say "Some progress " instead of "no progress" in his report card. on word approximations.

I take the chance to thank her sincerely  as R goes to school everyday with a smile on his face and this means the world to me !
She tells me that R is a joy and she simply loves him and makes my day
R wants to watch TV so I suggest that we do the Wii Fit ( he makes me do the exercises but he has to vocalize all the words and therefore has some value compared to the TV which is alarmingly passive )
Then we jump on the trampoline and go for a long walk
On the walk - in the stroller - he  throws his shoe down and I do not notice it - He picks out his other shoe and sneakily put its behind him to make me realise that the other shoe is missing while not actually confessing!

I squeal in alarm and tell him that his father will skin him alive as the shoes are a 40 dollar pair of crocs -(  we bought them at the beach last year - we wanted to let R choose and of course he picked the most expi one.) ( DH is the gentlest thing by the way and would never hit R - I just speak in hyperbole and make bloodcurdling threats out of habit ) - we turn around and R quickly points to the shoe and then puts it back on firmly.
The rest of the evening passes too quickly!

Weekly Round up W/O Sep 19th

Saturday


Is a marvelous day - DH chops food and I cook busily in the morning. This is the time when we also get a lot of chatting done with the background sounds of the knives, the questions of how-do-you-want-this-cut and my answers of slices-so-thin-that-they-are-invisible,  the sizzle of olive oil  and all the smells of the herbs and spices.
If the alternative cost of time was not so high I would really enjoy cooking - but I always have so much else to do!
Its my birthday and I get flowers and the sweetest( OMG so sweet )  cards from DH and R( eventually R's card is too sweet and he  does not want to give his card to me as the card sings)  and also from my friends and flowers and so many wishes
I love all the fuss very much!

In the afternoon we go to the Spanish festival - R meets a therapist who had worked with him till 6 months ago and she starts to cry when he says  Hi! and then when we are leaving waves Bye  and also says it !
He is talking now she says breathlessly. While he is only saying a few words that are perfectly understandable -  its true.

In the evening   we celebrate my birthdayparty with hats and a sign and a cake( which is actually a cupcake that R has chosen - a truly terrible thing - full of artificial color and fuss  -still its dear to me and I am glad that DH went with R's choice !

Ris thrilled with the hats ( though he wont wear one himself)  and the sign that DH has hung on the window that says Happy Birthday with ELMO all over it .( These are all remnants from his 2nd birthday party - we now only celebrate his birthday with all the things HE wants to do rather than what a typical birthday party.  As a result he and we - have a lot more fun!. This principle  has proved to be the theme of our life- to do what works for us  )

 I dont think R quite gets birthdays but we will practice on DH's next month and then on his own in November

Sunday

The euphoria of all the love fest from the birthday is behind me and I am unacccountably grumpy - the weather is dreary and R is sooooo stimmy.
A proper sensory diet is critical to all of our wellbeing

We go to the Mall and of course R makes a beeline for the Apple store. He is terribly stimmy there. Fortunately all the kids are very ill mannered- shouting, screaming and running around like angry dervishes,  and R does not stand out at all. ( When I look around at the moms I am comforted by everybody's  sheepish harried look that mirrors my own )
Amidst all the converstations going around us  - I overhear a mum asking about the Iphone App for Autistic children - ( how do our brains pick up the relevant things like names in an airport ?- is a marvel) .

I evasdrop but the Apple guy has no clue.

I feel such a bond with moms of Auties and I want to hug this mum and tell this mum about all the PECS etc that we have and ask her if her son can read, brainstorm on ways how "we" can help him  etc etc.

There is a thin line between people who have restraining orders against them and those that dont. Luckily good sense prevails and I choose to stay this side of that thin line

Monday

I cannot come back from work early and I am VERY VERY grumpy and badtempered as I do not have ANY time with R.
 its all eaten up in the logistics of the evening's activities

I scowl and sulk my way through the evening feeling VERY PUT UPON and martyred

Ironically we had an event at work when we had to tell the other person the main thing they liked about each other.- the thing that everyone likes most about me - its almost unanimous is my "positive outlook" "ray of sunshininess" "sense of humor" .

If they could only see me now

in the night when r is in his bath - as I leave the room to take a shower myself - R quickly says  "twikuh twikuh"and blinks his hands in the universal way children across the world gesture to twinkle twinkle little star. I am so touched that now when he wants me to stay he does not simply cry - Instead, he tries to Floortime with me

I have insomania in the night and finally toss and turn my way to sleep at 3 - turning the pillow round and round for the cooler-other-side- going over my onerous to-do list in my head!

Tuesday

DH is off to play golf !

Surprisingly( and charmingly )  the weather forecast is all wrong and the sun is out ! How great is that !!!

I make GF Pizza for R, Tomato Basil soup ( all ingredients from DH's garden )!

We play outside and R simply does not want to come in - Lucy calls to ask about how to save email attacments - and I am so sleepy it takes me a long time to understand what she is asking - finally we laugh and I give up and I ask DH to stop by on his way home

Due to no sleep last night - I fall asleep at 9 and have a hard time waking up at 6 which is a pity as I slept with wet hair and it looks like I have a hedgehog on my head in the morning and have to spend aeons straightening it in the am

R is  always so thrilled when I put him to bed . he keeps wriggling happily - jumping from one  side of me to another

He is also ( like me ) a compliment junkie !

When I wake him in the morning I always tell him how beautiful and wonderful he is - and he starts his day preening with pride .  I notice as I am getting ready in the morning and he is watching TV and eating breakfast - when we talk about him he presses the Pause button and listens carefully!

Wednesday

The rain holds off and its a marvelous evening - eminently ordinary but still marvelous.

DH and I see the Season premier of House - House is finally redeeming himself and I am so thrilled.

 R and I take a long walk with him in the stroller . We try to play out the scene of the Wonder Pets rescuing the panda and it does not work too well but we still have fun

Suddenly in the bathtub he realises he does not have the number 2 and runs around urgently- wet and slippery- but alas the 2 is elusive - even though he hunts in the car diligently as he remembers that  had carried the 2 with himself when DH and he went to get flowers for my birthday.

R now likes me to say the numbers backwards 100 to 1 when I swing him
This happens once before and he had started to cry when I said 1..2...3..and then I guessed and reversed the order
today I decide I will teach him to show by gesture to say ( instead of guessing)

1. sign for 100
2. say the word  "to"
3. sign for 1

he gets it immediately and is very triumphant - I suppose there is the added reassurance  of now knowing how to ask for something and therefore knowing he can ask for it again

what they say about teaching  a man to fish is right

SOOC Saturday: Tablelamps in trees

I turn 35 today.

I have loved the 30's - more than any other decade in my life .

Like a friend of mine says about the 30's  "Life is changing a lot but its good "

A lot of the goodness of this decade has come with becoming more resilient and being open to life and the road it takes me down

Now I know for sure  that not getting what I want in life does not mean not loving what I get 

When I was expecting R - when people would ask if I wanted a boy or a girl - I would always say - all I want is normal

Well you see how that turned out !

A child who reads before he talks

Makes little crosswords but does not get hide and seek

Carries vowels instead of  a blankie

Worships numbers before he likes stuffed animals

And so on.

It seems to me that happiness is a choice.

A choice to spend mourning the life we were meant to have.

 or

To celebrate the one that we do have.

Another friend says "the bend in the road is only the end of the road if you refuse to take the turn"

So what if I did not get a typical child.

I did get the best one.

If there one thing I know, its that the unexpected oddest out of place things can be the most beautiful ones

Like Tablelamps hung from  trees.

Unexpected

Odd

And  Utterly Marvelous

Spotted on a sidewalk in Denver and taken with  phone. For more phone with Straight out of camera visit Melody

To be a positive reflector

We are at the DMV to renew my license.

We have gone really early in the morning to beat the crowds.DH has come as  a "come with"

Come-withness-is one of the essential qualities of a good friend,

A come-with friend will walk with you to get a cup of coffee even though they are practically bubbling with acidity  inside owing to the three cups of coffee they just had.

This friend  will come to the restroom with you, will stand in your kitchen while you cook and will drive with you to the donut place even when they are on a diet.

At the DMV - we find our early trip has paid off and we are one of the few people there.

I am filling out the form and the man who hands out the form and a number - is bantering with me
We joke about the sillliness of forms -

He tells me how nice my picture on the old license is. I tell him that his is the reason why I have been so dreading my license expiring. ( which, vain creature that I am, is the truth)

When I come back - I whisper to DH- "I think he thinks I am cute".

When I go to submit the form  - the man's supervisor is telling him off

The man  has opened an envelope that should not be opened. Its something to do with the case of a DUI - a mum and a teenage son who stand around  looking anxious and sheepish.

The supervisor is treating the man  like a small child.The man  is crestfallen

I look away - hating being witness to another's being cut down to size

Its an act of cruelty.Especially when done in front of others

After  my form is processed, I am with the man again to get my photograph taken.

But its as though he is  a different person !

Gone is the banter. Gone are the smiles.

He has his guard up and does not want to spend a minute more with me than he has to.
I have been witness to his humiliation.

As I smile woodenly for my photograph,  I am thinking of how the warm approval of those around is so essential for us to blossom.

I have seen this same phenomenon at work - in every aspect of my life

At work without the affection and approval of their bosses - employees wither away.

Spouses shrivel with scathing partners

Friendships die

But,  then of course, my heart twists in pain for our young vulnerable  autistic children who are surrounded by people who are constantly correcting them

Implicit in so many of our actions in so many of our therapies  is the message to them

what you are doing is wrong...see this is how we do it.. look into my eyes even if you dont feel like it .. stop opening and shutting the door.. now  stop playing with those numbers - look here is what you must play with .. here is a dolly..

And on and on 

Employees can quit jobs where they are not nurtured

Spouses can leave .

As can friends

But little children?

They have no choice but to stay where they are.

As R grows and I grow as a mum, I am seeing that even more important than teaching him  all the things he  needs to know - perhaps a bigger  gift is to  give him  the atmosphere of implicit warmth and approval- so he open up and wants to learn

It does not mean not teaching him  - but teaching him  in an atmosphere of warmth, approval and expectation of great things always.

It means praising sincerely all the good  and looking for the good

It  means believing that their best days  is who they really are (and their bad days are simply, bad days )

Most of all, it means  being  the ultimate positive reflector for R.

So when R looks in my eyes, he sees the loveliest shiniest image of himself reflected back

Its why Floortime( or Sonrise or RDI) will always be my therapy of choice

My friend M  has a son- a completely independents delightful young man who once had PDD and is now doing great , as she says "without any fancy therapies"

She once said "happy kids learn.....that is the bottom line"

And I think she is right!

SOOC Saturday Grateful Heart

You who has given so much to me

Give me just one thing more

A grateful heart

- Prayer by George Herbert

For more fun with SOOC pictures or to participate yourself - visit Melody's wonderful blog Slurping Life and check out all the photo links 

W/o Sep 4th

Saturday and Sunday 

Saturday morning is a FRENZY of cooking
I promise to post the recipes soon
At noon
My friend and her fiancee and her two dogs come for the pampering weekend.
She loves everything.
 She seems so relaxed after the spa time  that every penny feels well spend. One of her bridesmaids has created some drama and gone out of the wedding and and I am so thrilled to see the worry lines leave my friend's eyes
I am also a little guilty as I feel I am neglecting R. I find I can no longer socialize for days ( an evening away from R is about as much as I can handle and that too rarely ) without guilt
The dogs are adorable and follow me everywhere hoping for scraps of food.( their hopes are well justified as they are good judges of a softie- I justify giving them people-food by making sure wverything is whole grain and organic )
Their cold dark noses pressed to my behind  pretty much the whole weekend

Unfortunately R is allergic to dander( and since he also follows me everywhere along with the dogs he is getting exposed to it a lot )  and falls sick.

Sunday  we go out to a  fancyinsh restaurant and have a blast

-

R stays home with one of his therapists who also acts as a babysitter.
What we dont know is that today is a big fireworks show in Downtown.
So dinner is a little delayed but yummy
And then the parking lot is jammed  - it takes us an hour to get out of the parking garage .
I text and let the babysitter know but I am torn with guilt
 Its  11.30 by the time we reach home and we find R waiting by the window. He sulkily goes to the computer as I am talking to the babysitter instead of fawning over him.
 I guiltily tip the therapist extra though she repeatedly says its fine -

Monday 
Is a holiday
As soon as they leave on Monday we leave for the airport .
Why the airport ? Nobody is going anywhere . There is a story there.
Last Wednesday_ when R and DH had come to pick me up from the airport -
R had been bereft that we did not stop at the airport.
First  he loves the airport -
Second he feels we have breached our contract.
What DH said to him was this  - we will go to the airport and pick up Mama
R  had an expectation that he would be visiting the airport as in go inside coo at the luggage carousel, ride the escalator etc
He has been carrying this hurt  and betrayal with him all week
Last night he is tired and hungry and has a meltdown he keeps crying Biituh bittuh

I tell him that nhe needs to help me understand and not cry. I take him to the computer and open Word and type in "What does R want?"

Weeping he types in BIGJET( this is what we  tell him when we go to the airport )

I realize that this is a big deal for him and tell DH that we must go to the airport as soon as we can.
The trouble with a kid who remembers everything is that .. well they remember everything
R is thrilled when we reach the ariport.

But the trouble is that he also wants to take the flight. I show him the sign that says "ticketed passengers only beyond this point"and ask him where our ticket is ?

He is nonplussed at this and resignedly turns back towards the parking garage

We go Go Karting which I enjoy almost more than him
(R's allergies are still bothering him )

Back home to a frenzy of vaccuming and washing everything that the dogs touched to get rid of all the dander

Tuesday

I and DH have our date lunch .
While I am burning with resolve to get back on my diet - we have a free desert coupon.
And they have Hazelnut Chocolate Mousse on the menu - this is the trimvurate of temptation for me.
DH reassures that mousse is "all air" and therefore practically fat free. I eat a little of it !
DH leaves for golf in the evening - I really love it when he gets guy time as being a full time Dad or mum can become very lonely

In the evening we( R and I, not DH and I )  loll around with the Backyardigans plush toys and he also makes me say all the character intros of the Little Einstein  and also do the Wii together

When his therapist comes - I take some Dal Makhani and cheesecake - to my friend I found online who lives quite close now
I and L kept planning to meet like I and Miranda have been - But its taken her moving across one street for us to actually visit. Hopefully Miranda will also move into my neighborhood!

I am soooo touched to see that she has made a gift for R !



I am so lucky in my friends(  touchwood )

I play with her daughters for a bit-
And then its time for our evening routine - R is charmed by his painting and I tell him who gave it to him - later on when I ask him who gave it to me he says Khas Bub ( C's mum )

Wednesday
One of my work friends takees me out for Sushi.( as its my birthday next week )
I am a pillar of virtue today - I eat sushi and only sushi
After sushi when she takes me to a cupcake store - I do not eat a cupcake but get one called Chocolate Tuxedo for DH for the evening
I have left Chicken Chili ( indian style chinese food ) for DH.

I tell him over the phone about what I have left him for lunch. I also tell him about my meal planning strategy. If he must eat without me  -I leave him meat and potato type things . This is to compensate for my absence.

When we are eating together I make healthy things as I no longer am compensating for anything
"So",I conclude to him" its either meat or me, what do you prefer ?"
"Meat "says DH and then completes "ing you" ( meeting you)
Of such nonsense are happy marriages made
In the evening R and I do - what I mentioned in my last post

If you want to move someone, find out what moves them

"If you want to move someone,  find out what moves them."a speaker said at a work meeting. He is speaking to Marketers about consumers

But I am thinkng of this statement today, as I am playing with R in the evening.

The child loves technology.

The WiiFit and the DVD are his toys of choice

While ideally our children are supposed to spend their time with "appropriate" toys and minimal time with electronics - its hard to enforce this strictly.

Largely for reasons of compassion.( some for reasons of laziness and fatigue )

Most Autistic kiddos work so hard between school,  therapy and appropriate play in their  precious carefree childhood years that it seems so heartless to take up their little free time with more of the things they should be doing

In the evening during R's ABA, I  watch a rerun of a House MD  show about an Autistic boy.

House , commenting on the amount of therapy the boy gets, says to Cameron( I think he empathizes with the feeling of being an outsider)

"there is an inner circle of skinny white people and there are the people who dont belong... like this Autistic boy.... The people in the inner circle must beat all the people on the outside into shape. Or they must institutionalize them so they are no longer eye sores."

The parents in the show are the "ideal" parents of autism recovery books ( the ones who give up their lives so they can become parent therapists to their children) . The child's day is so over scheduled that my heart twists in compassion for the child ( and the parents )

I  resolve today to see if Floortime principles of following the child's lead can work with Floortime must-nots ( electronics ).
So we do the Wii Fit and I turn that into a bit of a Floortime Session- with a lot of back and forth interaction on where I should step and what I should do.
Then over dinner R wants to listen to some Classical Music  on his DVD -
I make that Floortimey too.
By asking him if I should sing or be quiet
When he says "Siduh" ( sing )
I am extra  silly and sing the tunes  in numbers ( example for Blue Danube its 12345.....1 2 3 4)
We do the Blue Danube,  the Four Seasons, some George Bizet in this way
And R is Entranced
Music and numbers in one heavenly concoction!
And keeps choosing different songs for me to "Siduh" ( Sing ) in "Burz"  Numbers
We have effortless Joint Attention, Back and Forth interaction.
We also have a great time
I am Magic Mum  this evening.
And it feels good

Kreativ Blogger

Thank you so much Trish for nominating me as cretive blogger at  "Another Piece of the Puzzle

For those of you who don’t know how these shameless bits of linky love work, here are the rules:

• You must thank the person who has given you the award.

• Copy the logo and place it on your blog.

• Link to the person who has nominated you for the award.

• Name 7 things about yourself that people might find interesting.

• Nominate 7 other Kreativ Bloggers.

• Post links to the 7 blogs you nominate.

• Leave a comment on which of the blogs to let them know they have been nominated.

Thank you so much Trish
 
7 things about me that you may find interesting
 
1. I wanted to be an environmentalist, but working in the forests with forest dwellers was not for me - I found after just 6 months of doing it
2. Love at first sight has played an important role in my life. My DH and I fell  in love with each other as soon as we met and decided we were to be together for the rest of our life as soon as we met( 15 years ago)
3. I never wanted children but as soon as i held R in my arms for the first time I was bessotted with him. A second deep relationship in an instant!
4. I enjoy vaccuming. I have 6 vaccuums -including a Dyson and a Roomba . Not including two hand helds. I am currently lusting for the latest Dyson
5.All children are amazing - but I am extra crazy about autistic children .
6.I am perpetually time starved and wishing for more time
9. I did not know how to drive for the first 26 years of my life
 
I love sooo many blogs so its hard to pass it to just 7 but here goes
 
3 running in circles- A mom with 3 kids on the spectrum. Extra amazing. Extra positive
Aspergers Syndrome Awareness- a mom with an older child with Aspergers. Practical. Funny.Determined
A celebration of our journey - Wonderful artistic homeschooling mama to a 6 year old. Is very much the ideal mama.
Maternal Instincts - A mom who I just love- devoted and charming mum to Nik
Sprout Light - A mum with a darling boy, a positive attitide and disarming honesty
Soapy Water - A super smart sweet and all around good human - - she takes care of her mum and her lil boy- you may know her from Hopeful Parents
Rachel and Mr Daddy - Once upon a Miracle - they are an amazing duo that will write post which touch your heart and posts that will make you laugh
 
I love so many other blogs Robin's blog, heather's,Against all odds, and sooo many more and  also another mom's blog with 2 adorable spectrum daughters but I think she is sort of trying to keep it private so i wont out her