The last days of November

How will  it be December tomorrow ?

 I rush to chronicle what I can of the past 2 weeks ( Thanks to the pictures on my phone - seriously what did we do before phones on our cameras)

It has been rather a good couple of weeks as right in the middle of it was a 4 day weekend

 Thanksgiving Weekend

This is to be our greet weekend of settling in .

I have 4 days off and have decided to do no office work these 4 days

Settling his playroom is always so bittersweet for me

I am made so aware of how fast the time is passing - we declutter a little bit but I cannot throw away some very babyish books as they have such memories attached to them

For instance this book is when we discovered he was hyperlexic -

DH asked R to point out the "elephant" and instead of pointing to the pictures, R pointed to the word

Or the book he was obsessed with that first year of Preschool...

"Barney's 12 days of Christmas"  - eventually his teacher Xeroxed and laminated it for us so he would not have to do without it over Christmas

Such kindness

We unpack a lot

and snuggle a lot( R will usually sit like a cat on the arm of my/DH's arm chair )

 DH puts together a red ( what else for it is my favorite color ) book shelf that we saw at IKEA that I "must have"( I will take a picture of it finished next time and you will see why I love it so much )

Good bye to Miss Judith

On Friday - we decide to spend the morning working and so we take R to meet Miss Judith for a last day of babysitting

R is perishing to meet Miss Judith - so we ask her to babysit for the day

OMG he is so excited that he is going to see her !! he is literally jumping up and down

He has packed his bag with his essentials - his current obsession Chica Chica boom boom , the numbers and his cap with 5 stuck on it ( in the book 5 is wearing a "top hat" and so this must be dramatized )

They will go to our temporary housing apartment complex  ( for that is where she stays ) .

R loved this place with the Pizza and the mall and the elevators

She sends me a text saying that " I just love R . Having him is a blessing. He gives me so many hugs

We are really broken hearted that miss Judith is leaving for Florida - forever:-(

I don't know how to break this to R as there have been too many goodbyes these past few months and not enough hellos

( So when he tells me in the night that "Miss Judith will come from Florida later" - I don't contradict him)

Zumba

I have started to go to Zumba once a week  -

I dance all my stress away for an hour every Friday , while DH and go swimming at our health club and its very nice to have this hour of pleasure every week 

Planning

One of the things that DH and I do always is plan meals .

One of my friends said that she never plans her meals as she likes to only cook what she is in the mood to eat.

But we hate the hassle of cooking and thinking about what's for dinner.

So DH shops and chops and I cook and plan

The new house

I am so glad to be in a proper house again with all our cooking gadgets  .

I love this kitchen - after the tiny apartment we stayed in for 2 months this is such a nice change !

it does rain ALL the time so you can rarely go outside but this house know this and has many many windows to make up for it( these pictures are from the realtors website and make it look much nicer than it is )

Back on track with the home program

We are still hunting for the therapists that we want to work for R

I also am FINALLY I am trying to get back in the routine of playing with R in the evenings  -

But its not easy - I recognize that anything that is not on his own terms - we have a very hard time getting a back and forth connection going

He loves being with us - just as long as its on his terms

When we try to change the game - he just ignores

Such is his passive aggression

We compensate with atleast creating lots of fun new experiences

Outside ( on the 1 in 10 days that it does not rain )

And in stores when it rains

IKEA is one of our faves

It has a place where you can leave your child to play under supervision and he is simply perishing to go there ( I take a picture of him from outside  - what a lovely thing it is to see your child enjoying themselves while you can shop in peace )

It feels harder than before and I feel guilty about this

Its as though he wants to stay in his comfort zone as much as possible and we have to keep expanding it
Still as I watch DH and R snuggled up in an arm chair (ironically watching Max and his Dad in Parenthood ) -

I think how lucky we are that R is so emotionally connected with us

I think we have a ways to go - in settling in still, finding the right home therapists, getting some leisure in our lives

Getting that rhythm and routine that is essential to a calm and peaceful life

But I think we are on our way

The end of Fall in Seattle

I am bored of hearing myself say that I am busy

You must be too - dear reader

And so I will leave it unsaid and instead try to capture bits of the season ( my favorite ) that just passed

Days as a Single mom

So DH is off to India for his High School reunion for 10 days

While I was really happy for him, I was very worried for R - as DH is the constant force in R's life

As always knowing that attitude is everything , I told R that while we would miss Papa,  we were going to have a real fun 10 days - mama and R

This is what I told myself as well ( its very important to me to be conscious of my attitudes because otherwise I can easily fall into the negative worry talk track )

A new babysitter

Single moms , my hat is off to you

It is such pressure to do it on my own

The babysitter  we get is really awesome though

As the days passed by I see her getting fonder and fonder of R

When I ask her if she had any expereince of Auties - she said that she has a little bit

But that R was really "a very normal" boy who has autism

Honestly I love it when people treat R and his autism as just a regular thing instead of making a big pathology out of it 
 
Another babysitter --our neighbor is also in love with him -

He loves being absolute baby with her- and since she loves babies and does not have any of her own - he is having the time of his life - being carried around everywhere  and generally made a big fuss over !

Glimpses of the other life
With DH gone, I get to experience that other side of R's life that I don't usually get to see

Like waiting at the bus stop

Always I am afraid of missing the bus and we are there early  and we play games

R loves the sign of Amli ( he loves when things are labeled )

We read all the signs around us and sometimes we sing and dance

I loved that I got to start R's day  ( and mine ) with joy

Mommy and R Dates

While DH is having a blast in Dehradun at his High School reunion

We are having a pretty good time ourselves

WHen did R become so easy to take to a restaurant - this is actually now one of his favorite things to do and we do this many times when DH is away

The other thing that R loves is Grocery shopping !!

OMG we dance and dance in the store aisles

This will be our last 2 weeks living in a downtown apartment and we do all the things that are only in downtown like playing in the big Bellevue Downtown Park

We run around the apartment - R like many auties LOVES elevators ( I think its the logic and certainty of all the floors in perfect order that he loves )

The new house
A huge amount of unpacking awaits us .

But I love the new house

 A new gorgeous park awaits. And now that the weather has turned cold and wet - there are usually not many people there anymore

I love the twilights and the sunsets on the lake . The cold air and the feeling that I am the only one in the world

The fall leaves are stunning - even parking lots and traffic jams offer views that will take your breath away

A birthday

OMG can you believe that R is 8 years old

We have asked him what he wants and all he wants is to stay in the Hilton

So we book a night in the Hilton

At first when he gets there , he is so excited , he cannot stop jumping

Then come the tears - There has been a misunderstanding - he believes we were going to go to the Double Tree and the Hilton garden inn

 I am so upset .

One of the things- I want most in R is to have a spirit of appreciation

I and DH let him know in no uncertain terms that he cannot be a spoiled brat

He quickly changes his attitude and we have a great evening  with pizza at the restaurant
And blows out a candle on a  desert cake

He eats icecream for the very first time and seems to like it too

DH and I talk about how we feel like when all is said in done, how lucky we feel to have had the chance to raise R

The way he has retained so much of his essential  babness and how we have had the chance to linger over a childhood that has unfolded in slow motion

How  truly gets pleasure is doing something - while the rest of us struggle to impress

Here he makes this crappy picture and sighs "Van Gogh That's Right"

Here he has designed a way of sticking the number 5 on one of his caps .( can you see that blue thing sticking out of his cap in the back )

here he has purloined one of our crystal vases to put his cheap plastic numbers in for they are so precious to him

The always wanting to be around me

Here he is waiting outside our kitchen, sprawled on the floor waiting for me to finish cooking

And the love

Always that endless love

Happy birthday sweet child of ours

All this time I try to teach you to be in tune with the world .

And then sometime  I stop and I let you show me all that I leave unheard
 

Being Present : A week in my life

I think when I am old ,  I will look back on these years as "The Great Famine of Time "

A new job , a longer commute, a tiny kitchen, none of my efficiency gadgets ,  no weekend home therapists

So that I also don't look back on this era as the years my life happened while I was doing other things, I am developing new coping mechanisms

Some of these are relatively simple ones - like my hour in the car battling traffic , is repositioned as "me time" . I listen to an audio book ( Ruth Rendell 's "Road Rage is what I re-reading right now )  drink a latte ( that I make at home) on my way in and sparkling water on my way out

We are cooking about 3 times a week ( instead of on the weekend ) as temporary housing means we don't have all our gadgets

We have changed our plan to live in a particular area and are buying a house that will be 10 minutes from work and school ( so the commute problem will in 3 weeks be a thing of the past )

But the most important thing is being present

I think a lot of time my stress is simply accelerated by me thinking of what I need to do next

The biggest part of it is  being where you are

Fully

Making it a neurological habit

And the second is journaling it

Here is a week in my life

Saturday

On Saturday,I got someone to take R to the park and play with him -

It was such a peaceful 2 hours

There is this Hispanic woman who lives in our apartment complex - she is very sweet
She was making balloons for kids at one of those apartment socials

- when I whispered to her that she should not be offended if Rohan does not answer her questions as he is autistic and she said that she also does not speak ( English ) very well as she is Mexican
This really won my heart

Plus because of her language problem , she uses English and also gestures for each thing which is great

R comes back - we eat lunch and go shopping

We have to buy R his October Wii product and he wants a pink Wii Remote

We buy it but we don't let him open it as he needs to learn to wait and I get a real gift as R decides to manipulate
After several "Can I open the pink wii remote?" go inheeded - he says to me
"I love you mama... can I open the Wii remote ?"

Sunday

We go to the library where R is delighted to find Welcome Books and he talks incessantly of his beloved Miss gypsi


We also go the gorgeous park( though the ceaseless rain has started )  - where we make a new Friend "Miss Harriet".

How blue are these waters?

A golden Lab  is lost in the park and we are trying to call the owner to come and get her

I think Miss Harriet is lonely ( aren't we all ?) and we have a lovely chat . We are newcomers and she has lived in PNW for 70 years . She was a United Airline attendant

Everybody has a story

She has three grown up kids ( 2 of them "surprises")

Monday

Though the incessant rain has started , I think its still quite beautiful

Despite the rain R and I still go to the park - I get quite misty when I read these park benches and think of my Irish bloggy friends

Tuesday
R is so excited that DH  has got his face paint ( though he really wants face markers )
Can you see his hands move ?

And then the quick run to the bathroom to work on his face

Wednesday
I feel I learn so much about R's world by just observing what interests him . Like his search history

Like the way he has discovered that the world looks different with glasses and without

Along with all the stress of the moving has come some tears and many fixations ( this times its elevators ) . A lot of asking for things he knows he will get a "no " to ( just to have a good cry )
But I am still very proud of him for his great adaptability

Thursday

We have his IEP meeting early this morning and have to leave early though R is reluctant to wake up

- R sits in this IEP as his class has not started yet

On the plus side , I am rather impressed with his teacher as she has very accurately defined all his strengths and opportunities.

On the minus side, OMG there are so many opportunities

These last few months , I have been so distracted by the move , that I have forgotten a lot of the autie mum stuff:-(

R is very very distracted in the evening when I get home from work

We do the stairs and elevator ( his current obsession )

At bedtime though, I tell him that his teacher "Mrs S" really likes him .

OMG he cries and cries

How did I forget that we talked about his strengths and weaknesses in front of him !

I cry too

I snuggle him a lot and I apologize to him and I tell him that he is the best child in the world and I am lucky to be his mum

I believe this 100%

Friday

DH is going to India tmrw for his high school reunion

So much of a team are we that I do not know a million things to do . So we run around getting our groceries done , changing the wipers of my car etc


R fawns on all the vegetables ( owing to Veggie tales ) I certainly wish this would extend to eating them but it stops there

It is symbiotic parasitism though - DH too will still text me asking me what he should eat for lunch  ( even though all our meals are prepared and kept in the frig )

Saturday

R is super clingy with DH

But then when the time comes for DH to go to the taxi - he asks and asks for his babysitter to come and get him and is bursting into tears every few minutes

I realize that he really does not want to see DH go (- he is so much my son -  I am the queen of denial as well ) and luckily Judith is free so she comes by and takes him to the Mall play area ( from where he comes back later with a balloon )

Mis Judith tells me she just loves him - and does not mind that he wanted to be carried a lot

Even though he Is 7 , he is still such a baby sometimes

But like everything about him , I enjoy this too as I feel like we get to enjoy a babyhood in slow motion

And this was a week in my life dear friends

By writing about this week and being present in my life, its a week that is now saved and can be enjoyed later :-)

Happy Sunday to you too

 

Settling in

My dear friends

So we changed everything at the beginning of this month and we are getting to the end of it

How has it all been

On the whole pretty good

There is all the stuff and hassle that starting over brings.

But it was expected

The new will become routine.

I am very busy at work settling into a new culture and a new way of doing things and a really really fast pace
For instance its not uncommon to check your phone and find a 100 new emails in your inbox:-) and 19 new meeting notices !!

They do some lovely things as well - this year the employees are trying to raise 100 million dollars for charity ( and the company matches it !!!)

For instance the second week I am here - we are given the day off to spend a day at the home for elderly and disabled

I am a fortune teller and use flash cards to tell rather imaginative fortunes

Its a lovely day

To be with people who have so much pain in their life and who still soldier on - many of them so cheerfully really fills your heart

On my birthday, I am in my office till 8.30 - buts its still a wonderful one , since DH comes to the office with some flowers and candy.

And we still go to dinner for Pizza and Gelato

DH is very very busy as well with getting mortgage etc all done for buying a new house

The new house( which we will move into in October end )  is quite lovely and has all the things we need

1. Place for sensory Therapy Room
2. Close to a park
3. Close to my office ( just 3 miles )
4. Close to R's school

We are trying to minimize all the irritations that commuting brings to life

R is doing quite well - he likes his new ST and OT and his new ABA therapist( though of course we miss our older therapist team like an ache )

I miss my office as well and I have made a little shrine to it in my office here

While we miss our small southern town so much, there are so many lovely things here
For instance , super kind people

Since we are in downtown , we often have a chance to go to festivals - and R is obsessed with Face paintings and balloons

OMG people go out of their way to be nice and accommodating when I say to them that he has Autism

R is doing quite well

He is till more tantrummy and weepy sometimes so we know that his inner world is a little unsettled

But despite it , he is also blossoming

I notice him noticing other kids

Here another kid is trying to get my attention . Since R is a jealous cat , its no surprise that he tries to get me away from the child

But what IS surprising that he tries to get my attention by doing what the other kid did

The weather is glorious almost every single day and we spend so much time outside in the Downtown park
Playing

Seeing the sky - There is a lovely light in the Pacific North West

Watching the moon come up

Watching the ducks

I think the beauty of this place is so therapeautic, that each day I feel all the stress of all the changes fading away

For what is more constant than the forests and the lakes

And the  mountains ( can you see Rainier in the background)

"A cloud moved close.. a tree swayed over water and a voice said .. stay"
Thomas Roethke