Sunday, October 14, 2012

Being Present : A week in my life

I think when I am old ,  I will look back on these years as "The Great Famine of Time "

A new job , a longer commute, a tiny kitchen, none of my efficiency gadgets ,  no weekend home therapists

So that I also don't look back on this era as the years my life happened while I was doing other things, I am developing new coping mechanisms

Some of these are relatively simple ones - like my hour in the car battling traffic , is repositioned as "me time" . I listen to an audio book ( Ruth Rendell 's "Road Rage is what I re-reading right now )  drink a latte ( that I make at home) on my way in and sparkling water on my way out

We are cooking about 3 times a week ( instead of on the weekend ) as temporary housing means we don't have all our gadgets

We have changed our plan to live in a particular area and are buying a house that will be 10 minutes from work and school ( so the commute problem will in 3 weeks be a thing of the past )

But the most important thing is being present

I think a lot of time my stress is simply accelerated by me thinking of what I need to do next

The biggest part of it is  being where you are

Fully

Making it a neurological habit

And the second is journaling it

Here is a week in my life

Saturday

On Saturday,I got someone to take R to the park and play with him -

It was such a peaceful 2 hours

There is this Hispanic woman who lives in our apartment complex - she is very sweet
She was making balloons for kids at one of those apartment socials

- when I whispered to her that she should not be offended if Rohan does not answer her questions as he is autistic and she said that she also does not speak ( English ) very well as she is Mexican
This really won my heart

Plus because of her language problem , she uses English and also gestures for each thing which is great

R comes back - we eat lunch and go shopping

We have to buy R his October Wii product and he wants a pink Wii Remote

We buy it but we don't let him open it as he needs to learn to wait and I get a real gift as R decides to manipulate
After several "Can I open the pink wii remote?" go inheeded - he says to me
"I love you mama... can I open the Wii remote ?"

Sunday

We go to the library where R is delighted to find Welcome Books and he talks incessantly of his beloved Miss gypsi


We also go the gorgeous park( though the ceaseless rain has started )  - where we make a new Friend "Miss Harriet".
How blue are these waters?



A golden Lab  is lost in the park and we are trying to call the owner to come and get her

I think Miss Harriet is lonely ( aren't we all ?) and we have a lovely chat . We are newcomers and she has lived in PNW for 70 years . She was a United Airline attendant

Everybody has a story

She has three grown up kids ( 2 of them "surprises")

Monday

Though the incessant rain has started , I think its still quite beautiful
Despite the rain R and I still go to the park - I get quite misty when I read these park benches and think of my Irish bloggy friends
Tuesday
R is so excited that DH  has got his face paint ( though he really wants face markers )
Can you see his hands move ?
And then the quick run to the bathroom to work on his face

Wednesday
I feel I learn so much about R's world by just observing what interests him . Like his search history
Like the way he has discovered that the world looks different with glasses and without
Along with all the stress of the moving has come some tears and many fixations ( this times its elevators ) . A lot of asking for things he knows he will get a "no " to ( just to have a good cry )
But I am still very proud of him for his great adaptability

Thursday

We have his IEP meeting early this morning and have to leave early though R is reluctant to wake up

- R sits in this IEP as his class has not started yet

On the plus side , I am rather impressed with his teacher as she has very accurately defined all his strengths and opportunities.

On the minus side, OMG there are so many opportunities

These last few months , I have been so distracted by the move , that I have forgotten a lot of the autie mum stuff:-(

R is very very distracted in the evening when I get home from work

We do the stairs and elevator ( his current obsession )

At bedtime though, I tell him that his teacher "Mrs S" really likes him .

OMG he cries and cries

How did I forget that we talked about his strengths and weaknesses in front of him !

I cry too

I snuggle him a lot and I apologize to him and I tell him that he is the best child in the world and I am lucky to be his mum

I believe this 100%

Friday

DH is going to India tmrw for his high school reunion

So much of a team are we that I do not know a million things to do . So we run around getting our groceries done , changing the wipers of my car etc


R fawns on all the vegetables ( owing to Veggie tales ) I certainly wish this would extend to eating them but it stops there



It is symbiotic parasitism though - DH too will still text me asking me what he should eat for lunch  ( even though all our meals are prepared and kept in the frig )

Saturday

R is super clingy with DH
But then when the time comes for DH to go to the taxi - he asks and asks for his babysitter to come and get him and is bursting into tears every few minutes

I realize that he really does not want to see DH go (- he is so much my son -  I am the queen of denial as well ) and luckily Judith is free so she comes by and takes him to the Mall play area ( from where he comes back later with a balloon )

Mis Judith tells me she just loves him - and does not mind that he wanted to be carried a lot

Even though he Is 7 , he is still such a baby sometimes

But like everything about him , I enjoy this too as I feel like we get to enjoy a babyhood in slow motion

And this was a week in my life dear friends

By writing about this week and being present in my life, its a week that is now saved and can be enjoyed later :-)

Happy Sunday to you too

 

11 comments:

Trish said...

So many adjustments - how good that you have each other to walk through them together. Good luck with the next part of your move!

Looking for Blue Sky said...

Thank you so much for mentioning your Irish bloggy friends! Proud to be one :) Lovely pics and good to hear that things are gradually settling for you. I totally relate to the thinking of what I have to do next - it is almost unavoidable in my family as I have to continually work out how I'm going to manage things x

Bright Side of Life said...

As always, I loved your post! The photos of R being a snuggle buggle are too gorgeous for words. I am thinking that you live in a stunning city, regardless of the rain. Thanks for sharing your week and good luck with the move to your new home.

Yuji said...

Here's hoping that a lot of your extra stress will start to dissipate when you move into your own house.

Best to you while DH is gone. I'm sure R is missing him, but it will make for a sweet reunion.

Stories Untold said...

And what a beautiful week it is. Loved every aspect of the week, all the best to you and hope the days pass soon so you can move to the house closer to work.
Sending you all my love and prayers.

R is such a treat to watch.

Thanks for making your journey so pictorial ... its like a movie

iamallus said...

R is so cute and how blessed you are to have him as your kid and how much more blessed he is to have you as his Mom!

I don't know is that b'caz of same ethnic background or not, R always reminds my lovely 7 yo son M who is on spectrum too.

I love your Artistic parenting and mesmerizing writing!

Tanya Savko said...

I loved reading about all of this and can certainly identify with how it is to have to talk about your child in their presence. As Nigel is now a young adult (18!) I must remember to ask him if he is okay with it or if he wants to leave the room. It almost makes me sad how he is usually just resigned to it, says he's okay with it, even though I can tell by his body language he's not. *sigh* I guess I must accept it as he does, or tries to. Love to you and yours!

Julie said...

So sorry I missed this one. I've missed you. I was thinking of you last night and I told myself before I went fell asleep that I would look you up today, so it was such a happy surprise to see your comment on my blog this morning. Thank you for what you said- I was feeling pretty "alone" here...

Julie said...

That was weird, it wouldn't let me type anything else! To finish- I so enjoyed reading about your week. My heart breaks for r- hearing about the things that are hard for him and knowing how hard he must work to adjust to so many changes...and it totally melts to see how you both love him...and I always smile when there are similarities to Daniel. Some of the same items in search history, the veggies in the store because of veggie tales, but not wanting to eat them

Julie said...

Elevators "going up! Lets count the floors! (The count from Sesame Street. Does he quite that too?) :)

lisa said...

Happpy Birthday R! It seems like just yesterday that we went to that adorable shop to pick out the nursery furniture. I miss you so much my dear K, but your blogs inspire me.
Lisa in Arkansas

Floortime Lite Mama

On my life as the mother of an adorable 5 year old with Autism and Apraxia