Has finally sprung – goodness how gorgeous it is !
He says he finds couples who hold hands in public – too sickeningly sweet.
He claims that this means that they are trying to show to the world how much in love they are ( to him this means they must inside their own heart doubt it )
Of course he has made a big mistake by telling me this .
And so every time a vehicle is about to pass us – I clutch his hand and gaze at him – all vapid adoration
I think every marriage has a theme and ours is playfulness
We love people watching – the cabin we own is in a giant complex of many cabins – many of which are rented out
The body language will easily help you differentiate between the owner and the renters – the renters have an "am I acceptable?" look on their faces while the owners strut around proudly
Many of the owners have rented their cabins out . Some like us use it for the weekends. Others ( retired couples ) live here permanently
Our neighbors are a retired couple who are very very sweet ( Lydia also bakes the best peanut butter cookies ! )
They are very relieved to have us as neighbors. The dynamic in our community is that those who rent out their cabins are the worst ( as renters can be loud and annoying )
Those who own and live there permanently are better thank those who rent
But the best ( like us ) are those who own and only come for the weekends
Has gone somewhat by the wayside with work trips and friends visits etc these past 2 weeks and I am planning to get back on track
We never stop doing Floortime as its our general philosophy.
But as sessions its becoming difficult because I have been very distracted
I have a work trip to Cincinnati - smack in the middle of Spring Break – so DH and R come along
We stay in R's beloved Hilton in Downtown – oh how he loves hotels
The first night we go to a restaurant called Capanellos( sure I am spelling it wrong ) – its very late as we have been late driving in
They take an HOUR to make pizza
I am about to have a meltdown but R is such a good humored thing – that I have to follow his example
We do hide and seek with the ubiquitous numbers –
We have a pretend happy birthday with the candle that they have provided and its great fun
I am just about to post an "I am so annoyed" type facebook status.
However the best pizza I have ever eaten in my life comes out and I have to cancel my update
When R and I start to walk back - I start down the wrong path – R points to the right road and says to "that paf( path ) is not clear" – this is a Diego script that he has used .
I love love love the way he scripts and mentally thank Nancy Kauffman for showing us that scripts can be important language scaffolds for Auties .
I also love the fact that he has inherited DH's sense of direction – not mine
While in Cinci – I am at work all day and DH takes R to the children's museum, the pool etc
On the way back from Cincinnati, DH and I play Antakshari - this is a very common game in India
The simple rule is that you sing a song and then the other person has to sing a song that starts with the last letter of what you ended on
Example, If A sings "aint no sunshine when she's gone"
B has to sing a song that starts with "n"
If B cannot, B loses a point
All bollywood movies are musicals and so our song repertoire is MASSIVE
DH and I have a great time but R suddenly bursts into tears and cries his little heart out
I later realise he was feeling left out because he goes to the computer and makes him sing with me
I tell my mum of this later. She says R is an "Ekolshada" - A bengali term which means a personality that only likes to be alone or with one other person and form a "separate world" with that person - they dont like these persons to be forming a separate world with someone else
She reminds me of when she was visiting when R was 2 years old and folding laundry - she had put her clothes and mine in one pile - when R smelled all the clothes separated mine from hers and threw hers away
March has somehow been overwhelming for me
The house has seemed perpetually messy,
I feel like a walking to-do list
I am never fully done with anything and yet have no free time
I have fallen back on Floortime
I am angry with myself and also feel put upon
This whole cycle of sadness has been triggered by the realization that R will be in first grade in August.
This has suddenly made me realize that he will have school till 3.30 - 5 days a week !!!
Does this mean his home therapy program will have to end?
If we continue with a therapy hour in the evening what time will I get with him ? NONE
I don't believe in the time- line thing( "teach everything before they turn 5" is a stupid myth) - but I have started to feel that the logistics of school will get in the way . ( Especially since R no longer enjoys school :-( )
We have so much more to teach him and now we will have no school-free time
Plus a truly horrible feeling has resurfaced - the one my friend T talked about to me once - that he would have been so much better off with a better mother
I talk to my online friends who are really a great comfort
And then DH and I have a long chat problem solving on Saturday – which is his special skill
Problem : House always messy , Solution : see if we can afford weekly cleaning instead of every other week ,
Problem : How will he get his afternoon therapy . Solution : Have modified day written in IEP for him so he can have some therapy in school and DH will pick him up early for his OT session. So I can still have some time with him in the evening
Detoxing from the melancholy
DH and I watch the Sporanos in DVD ( our new addiction )
I pause the disc, to go watch the Super moon come out from between the clouds
The worry of the month has to make space for the happy bits that are crowding it out
R holding my face earlier that day and cooing "happy face"
DH beloved voice telling me " Do you have any idea how cherished you are ?"
Some days happiness comes easy and wraps me in its radiant light
And some other times happiness is a decision.. something I make up my mind to be
But always I pursue it.
And always in these woods, I find it
The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quiet, alone with the heavens, nature and God. Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be and that God wishes to see people happy, .