Thursday, August 5, 2010

On Hopeful Parents : The truth about my life

I am over at Hopeful Parents today
My first ever Guest post
If you have a minute to read my post or visit that lovely website go here

Full post here as some of the links for Hopeful Parents don't work anymore

Almost everyone I know has been wonderful with the news of R’s Autism

In fact, I often say we meet a nicer type of people in the special needs worlds and encounter  a nicer side of people in the typical world

But on a rare occasion,  I get to experience a brand of sympathy that I find especially hurtful

The kind that assumes my life is all doom and gloom
I know you are just putting on a brave face.. I dont know how you do it”  a friend told me when I told them I was okay in the early days of finding out , “I know you can’t really  be okay .. its okay to mourn… you can tell me like it really is ”

Its as though the new rules, for my life as the mother of a special needs child, are to develop a gritty forbearance.

A sort of shouldering-my-burden with a  make-lemonade-when-life-hands-you-lemons strength

As though I don’t have the permission to be happy and proud any more

But it’s not like that

Its not gloom and doom  at all

For R is a child of endless charm.

A dream come true, as I tell him everyday

And I am a very lucky mother

(Its a lot of work but  work does not preclude joy)

In the sisterhood of special needs mamas that tell our stories in our blogs, we have been talking about authenticity lately

A need to tell the whole story

Not just the good bits

Also the bad bits

Its as though we are saying – here is all the detritus, all the rotten stuff- now that you know this whole complete story of me – do you still love me?

This has made me reflect on the way I tell my story

Do I pick only the shiny, pretty  bits and pieces of my story?

Do I gloss over the hard bits?

I don’t think so

 I really do experience my life in the way I talk about it

But the truth is that there are many true stories about the same thing

All truths are only versions

For everybody says it like it is

Like it is to them

So I speak my truth, the complete truth and nothing but the truth

When I tell you that life is good

And I am okay

16 comments:

Rachel said...

"Charming" would be an understatement for R, as well as for you. I adore that you are unabashed in loving your family and I always leave your blog with a smile. Special needs or not - I love your perspective!

Alysia said...

i can't believe this is your first guest post - you write so beautifully and should guest post more often :-) I left you a comment over at Hopeful Parents too - love what you wrote as always.
Alysia

KWombles said...

:-) That's great, going to read it now!

Heather said...

Great post over there. My five year old is on the spectrum and is apraxic as well. I always tell people, "Don't be sorry! Will is a wonderful kid."

Þorgerður said...

Happiness is a choice or so the say.... The hard part is choosing.

You always write beautifully.

Lynn said...

Great post K!!

Stephanie O/Robot Tea said...

YAY!!!

Julie said...

Great post, K!!! when I read your writing I think that you are just the "therapy" I need. Maybe therapy isn't the correct word...maybe support would be better. Friends and family are supportive -in their way- but I get so much more help and encouragement after reading your posts. I, too, love your perspective and I leave your blog feeling better. =) Thanks for being there and for all you do!! love.

Bonsky said...

K-

Lovely and insightful as always. I should save your blogs up for when I need a smile. Have a fab weekend.

Hugs-
B

Mr. Daddy said...

K, you always amaze me with the beauty of your spirit and nature..

you truly are one of God's special people.

I thank him daily for blessing me with his special ones like you.

Big Daddy said...

Great post over at Hopeful Parents. Staying positive is so important.

robin said...

Great post! Wonderful first guest post too!

凱許倫 said...

Pen and ink is wits plough...................................................................

Lisa said...

I love how I feel after I read what you write.
Beautiful post K.

Kim said...

A wonderful Guest post! I hope you'll write there more often!

danette said...

Loved your guest post, left you a comment there. The Hopeful Parents site is new for me, thanks for sharing it :).

Floortime Lite Mama

On my life as the mother of an adorable 5 year old with Autism and Apraxia