Saturday, July 4, 2009

Being Loved

We are continuing with our battles over screen time.

Last night R is throwing a weepy tantrum at not getting the remote.

I lose my temper and tell him in a loud voice that I am disappointed with him

I sensibly know that I am at the limit of my patience and go off to finish the movie "Secret Life of bees" with DH.

The movie is all about a young girls desperate desire to connect with her dead mother and feel loved.

"There is a big hole in my heart where my mother's love should have been " the protagonist says

It occurs to me that a large part of the literature is devoted to the mother's love.

Never to what the child gives to the parent

Perhaps its because the books are written by the adults

In this story, ironically, its the love hungry child that seems full of love.

Last year when I was looking for an Autism sticker, I found there is such a huge preponderance of stickers that say simply "Autism awareness" and many that say " I love someone with Autism".

It seems especially the literature of Autism is focussed on the mother's great devotion and love.

Always from the mother's side it seems that there is the love, the devotion, the desperate search for help for her child.

And from the child's side, there are merely the special neeeds

The autistic child's role only to receive , never to give

Surely a mother's love is a wondrous thing

But what about the child's love?

Last evening after our tantrum, R plays by himself for a while.

When I go back upstairs up and apologise for yelling, R holds my face in his hands kisses me and says simply "Shee Ma " ( sleep with Mama)

Here is all he wants from his bad tempered mother:

that I should be the one to put him to bed

I have never been loved quite this deeply and unconditionally before.

Been the center of someone's world quite like this.

Pure love with no grudges ever.

Here is a picture of me and R from 4 years ago before I knew about all the things that would happen to us

I wish I could tell the younger K

Its not going to be what you think

It will be hard

But it will also be gorgeous.

While this statement is a truth "I love someone with Autism"

The charming corollary that has blessed my life , is that

Someone with Autism loves me

Here is to the special love we get from our special kids


Lisa said...


Beautiful words from a beautiful mother to her beautiful son.
Sweet photo,
Must get a tissue now.

Niksmom said...

Lisa, please pass the tissues? Beautiful, K, simply beautiful. Especially this: "Someone with Autism loves me." It shows.

Mr. Daddy said...

there just aren't word to express how this touched my heart...

Thanks for the perspective...

I think that I could use one of those tissues. (lost my manly demeanor for a moment)

Rachel said...


So beautiful and so true.

How much we have learned as parents, that it is so far beyond what we expected to do for newborns? To simply meet physical needs and say I was doing my job?

Oh no... of far more importance is this incredible bond of love and trust. Can you imagine your lives without it? You are so much more to him than a provider. And I love how you put that into words this morning.

Thank you for sharing.

Mominin said...

What a beautiful post! I love the picture, as well. So much love . . . from both sides!

The Animator's Wife said...

Oh my, wiping the tears now. TRUE!

When your ready to print bumper stickers, let me know. I'll buy one!

Madhuri said...

Hi K,
Your post touched my heart.
very beutiful picture.
"Some one with Autism loves me" made me cry.

Puna said...

Makes me want to cry...

Emily said...

This really is beautiful. I hope your son will one day read this and know how loved he is and how much his own love affects others. I hope this for my own children know how thankful I am for their love.

Anonymous said...

Once again, K, another beautiful post with your unique perspective.

R and you are lucky to have each other.

Heather said...

So very many reasons I love this post. Perspective is wild sometimes. Love that picture of you and your precious babe.

I've only read that book--guess I'll have to add to my netflix queue--though I can never get my husband to join me for movies.

danette said...

This has me in tears... I love it. And now I want a big sticker that says, "Someone with autism loves me" :)

Sometimes I have thought it would be nice to be able to go back and tell my younger self something similar. I love that picture of you and R, they way you're both looking at each other, it's so full of love.

I'm blessed to know you, K.

Jocelyn said...

Please write a book!!!! Your writing is so relevant for so many ppl.

SoCo mom said...

So very true about the perspective! And such a wonderful story.

Thanks for sharing and thanks for visiting my blog.

Anonymous said...


Floortime Lite Mama said...

Thank u guys so much for your kind comments
T- that is aweosme - I am getting it

Floortime Lite Mama said...

T - i bought it - thanks again

Anonymous said...

You're so welcome. I wanted to purchase it and send it to you as a surprise, but I don't know what car you drive and whether or not it would fit! :)

Lowcountry Mom said...

This post is beautiful, and I want one of those magnets too! I want a T shirt too.......anyone know where we can get one? Cafe Press?

Seriously, K, you are such a great and inspiring writer. I love your blog and am so glad to know you, even just in cyber-world. :)

Anonymous said...

How absolutely true! You're right...about all of it. ((HUGS))

Unknown said...

Bawling in my office again, K!

I needed this today, thanks.

H (benbear)

Anonymous said...

I just love you. really. you are a beautiful soul. thank you for writing.


Life as the mother of 4 said...

That is very sweet! An unprompted token of love is always lovely.

kathleen said...

As always your words are so very very lovely..and yes!! I have never felt as fully loved (and even love isn't strong enough a word for what my kids give me) as cherished as..*sigh* I find myself at times to be overwhelmed by it all (in a good way)
came over from jens...

Loz said...

Parents have to be in for the long haul no matter where it takes us.
PS - Dropping in from Blog Gems

Happy13 said...

Beautiful post. So very sweet. Visiting from Blog Gems Hop.

@jencull (jen) said...

Love this and a new angle I hadn't thought about because I too am loved by someone with autism. Lucky me:) Jen (thanks for joining in blog gems)

life in a pink fibro said...

What a beautiful post. Sometimes we need to turn things on their head to see the whole truth. Visiting from Blog Gems.

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