Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Think good to your child

A few weeks ago I was at Kohl's ( surreptitiously) to buy some non stick pans

(Last month I read an article on the evils of Teflon and gave away all our non-stick despite much pleading from DH –" its poison.. do you want us to slowly get killed by our food " – I told him sanctimoniously.)

A few months of cooking in stainless steel however, has weakened my resolve against non-stick because- the other stuff – well it sticks )

I see this couple with a little girl- maybe 4 .

The little girl is talking non-stop. The way they are listening to her nonsense in that adoring fashion announces clearly that they are her grandparents.

(I recognize that fatuous look – as I have seen it so often on R's grandparents face. )

Distracted by her chatter (as she is advising the couple buy all sorts of nonsensical products) I drop the pan I am holding.

The man turns around and jokes "Quickly put that back on the shelf.. we wont tell anyone "?

I smile back and say – "your little girl is adorable – are you guys the parent or the grandparents"

"Grandma!!" the woman chuckles back delightedly "but thanks for thinking we could be parents"

As they walk away after some more chit chat – their gait is a little springier and they both have smiles on their face

If a single compliment from a stranger can do this

Just think of the immense power of the energy that a parent sends out to their child.

It's like sunlight to our little saplings

In my own life as a professional and grown up I see this. When working with people who I know respect and love me I become smart and witty and just flower. When working with people who are critical of me I become defensive and strained and shrivel up .

Most of the time our energy for R is very positive.

And I think a lot of the reason why R is doing as well as he is doing is because of the great glow of positive expectation that surrounds him.

Starting from his parents, seeping into our extended family and trickling into his team of teachers and therapists.

DH especially is very good with a general feeling that R will be fine and has been from the start.

I took a little while where I was so swamped down with guilt and anxiety ( still there but no longer my primary feeling )

But I need some reminding these days as we are coming to terms with just how bad the Apraxia is.

His motivation to speak is great. His receptive language while very immature is also present

But his ability to form the words – its just dreadful

Even I have trouble understanding him and he will look at me asking for something urgently, with a look of such great expectation in his eyes.

It simply breaks my heart

One of his speechies said this at the last school meeting " we don't know if he will ever acquire functional speech .. but he is so intelligent he will certainly communicate"

The first few toxic words have rung in my ear and keep peeping out of my subconscious

I am at such a loss – without speech (ever ) how will he meet other developmental social milestones?

Some days the task of being a good mother – which means providing all the things your child needs – is so daunting.

But in spite of the terrible challenge our child face

Or maybe even more so because of it

Sending out positive energy is critical. And I don't mean simply loving your child. For even in my deepest anxiety – I love this child deeper.

What I mean is, beaming out the message to your child


You are awesome

There are so many wonderful things about you

I am blessed to have you in my life

You will do awesome things in life


This is not just for the great good of your child – but also for our everyday happiness. Everything is better in sunshine

Really what is a good life if its not a sum of mostly happy days !

To start, perhaps we need to start beaming out a positive message to ourselves too.

I know I need to replace my own energy –turn anxiety into hope.

I asked our speechie on Monday what she thought.

"He is only 4.. he is so smart and he is very keen to talk.. I certainly think he has a good chance"

I will hang on to this thought today down and reaffirm to myself this important hope ( and prayer )

R will be awesome!



Huriya said...

Such a nice post, I love the way you pull together various daily life experiences into the way you want to live and think. It just shows the depth in your thinking and writing.
I really hope R would do awesome in future. My DH think like yours that things will be fine but sometimes it is very hard for me to be optimistic.
I feel so much sadness for my son whenever I look at him because I realize how hard life is going to be for him. Things that other kids/human beings learn naturally and easily (as we did) will take so much effort and motivation from him.

Anonymous said...

R IS awesome. =) And he's a lucky boy that you and his dad are accepting of him and shining at positive energy and light on him. You'll all go far!

aninont said...

I agree, daddy rocks.
mommy worries too much. R is awsome.
My father has a stroke in 2004 and has complete aphasia, apraxia, agraphia.
Five years later, he has learned to talk very slowly, learnt to write and read again.It has been a slow process.The key reasons for his ongoing success are motivation and intelligence both of which R has plenty plenty of... and he is a little kid.. he is going to be wonderful, caring, intelligent, develop beautiful relationships in life.He will talk.. my feelings.

robin said...

Such positive words...I think my daughter believes I am always criticizing her for one thing or another. I tend to think I am motivating her to do better. From reading your post, I think I need to make sure she knows how much I love her and will make more of an effort to send her positive energy...I want her to feel the sunshine too.

Anonymous said...

Not sure if this is helpful, but we use cast iron pans. They're well seasoned by now and I love them. Non-stick spray or olive oil works well for most things. I think food tastes better out of them too. =) (Just my opinion)

Have a great day, K!!!

Lyndsey said...

R will do just fine. He is so intelligent and sweet, even if it isn't quite the same as how a "normal" child would communicate, I know he WILL get to a point where everyone will be able to understand what he is saying. I believe it with all my heart. I believe my kiddos will do the same, even if L ends up having to use a device.

We have stainless steel pans. I made eggs in them the other day, which we all know is the absolute worst for sticking to the pan. I sprayed some non-stick spray in the pan before I put the eggs in, and not a speck of egg was left in the pan when I was done.:)

Becki said...

This is such a good reminder to all of us to use some positive phrases. I've found myself being very negative lately which is not good.

Floortime Lite Mama said...

Thank you fellow moms for the words of encouragement - really appreciate it

Niksmom said...

K, I love your outlook and how you synthesize things. R will be awesome because he already IS awesome. Your love and nurturing are helping to foster that.

It was a hard and bitter pill for me to swallow when I came to grips with the potenitial reality that Nik will not be a speaker; his little voice when he does make sounds is so sweet it melts my heart. But once I let go of the need for him to speak to communicate and focused on simply helping him find ways to communicate...I am seeing positive changes around his desire to speak and his testing his voice in whatever ways he can. Seldom does he look at me with such intense frustration anymore when he's hungry or wants something. He's got some sign language and some musical cues he can use to tell me. And we are working toward getting a speech generating device, too.

Sorry to ramble on. I really just wanted to tell you that R will find his way and so will you —no matter how it looks— simply because you love him enough to do whatever you need to whent he time is right. :-)

Unknown said...

Beautiful as usual, K! It reminds me of Maya Angelou saying that every child deserves to have their mother's eyes light up when they walk into the room.

Good reminder, thanks.

Still working on turning that anxiety into hope . . . but, you're right, everything *IS* better in sunshine!


danette said...

This is beautiful - R is lucky to have you and his dad for parents! He sounds very bright and will certainly use that to his advantage to make his thoughts known one way or another :). Just by believing in R you are giving him the gift of helping him to believe in himself.

Ross4Teflon said...

K - Because there's so much misinformation out there about Teflon, I'm not surprised that you are concerned for your family. I'm a representative of DuPont, and hope you'll let me share some information with you and your readers, so that everyone can make truly informed decisions. Regulatory agencies, consumer groups and health associations all have taken a close look at Teflon. This article highlights what they found -- the bottom line is that you can use Teflon without worry (and as you know it works and is convenient :)

I'd truly be glad to share additional information about it if you are interested, and appreciate your consideration of this comment. Thanks. Cheers, Ross.

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