One more ordinary week of my life ( a little bit long - but guess what this is what I know I will really enjoy reading in April 2014 )
Today I told myself that I will not be lazy - I will do floortime .
But of course I forgot the first rule of floortime
Which is to observe
At first he was on the swing in the playground and I was trying to get him to think of substituting words in the "Farmer in the Dell " to "Papa in the house "..
OMG so much resistance
I found myself thinking in a victim-like way - how hard it is to get him to participate
But as I watched him - my mood shifted
I thought of all the things that were wrong with my approach
How I had forgotten that the first rule of playing with the child is to observe ?
I watched him sitting beneath the tree shredding a leaf
And I st next to him and shredded the leves with him
Soon we were making a pile of leave together
Then he wanted to play ringa ringa roses
Now HE WAS changing the words of the sonds and were doing ringa ringa roses dance to new songs
Such a silly thing to do with an 8 year old child but I felt that magic moment of connectedness
I have kept myself from a connection with all my assumptions of how things should be
Yes its very difficult to get R to play
But its not so difficult to connect
Later 2 little girls came and jeered at R wanting to swing in the little swing - and he just did not bother
And I though that this is the quintessestial moment that mothers blog about when you get the stab in the heart
But I did not feel anything
Except for the fact that those two little girls were maybe mean kids , or they were maybe not meaning anything
But who cares -we swung in the baby swing cheerfully and it was a lovely sunny evening in the park
Today at work I struggled with computers
After work - I went to Zumba.
One of my friends from saved a spot - right in the front for me.
This was super prestigious but the flip side was that I could not shuffle at all .
I had to be super energetic and heave my bulk around - So exhausting
But it was all worth it when Derek ( guy who teaches the class - came down among us in the middle of the song ) - all of us huffed and puffed our portly selves .
DH and R also came to the club and DH took Rohan swimming
We went to the planetarium - AMAZING show - (for kids but I learned a a lot
I had forgotten all about light years and stars being born and dying and black holes )
R was a moaner and complainer
DH yelled at him in the car for never wanting to try anything new
He weeped piteously and borrowed my Phone to play Nursery rhymes
1. Twinkle twinkle ( to show in fact that he WAS Interested in stars )
1. Ding dong bell .. to play the line "what a naughty boy was that " ( to show his contrition )
I intervened diplomatically y and a crisis was averted and we ended the night with Applebees -
where R stunned us by eating hot buffalo wings ( which are really chicken nuggets now that I think about it )
Woke up late with DH and R wrapped around me. This is my favorite way to wake up.
DH and I went for a walk when the therapist was doing ABA with Rohan but it started raining heavily so we only walked a mile ( so old people like )
Still pretty good as far as weekends go
I also was super organised for the week
(Though sometimes I wonder why am I always getting ready for something .
Then I do that thing ....Then its time to get ready for the next thing
We went to the Pro club that R loves- he did the usual ( jump etc ) get stuck on the slide then the walk of shame as all the kids wait impatiently as the instructor climbed to get him down
There is a large play area and R played with the blocks and made a giraffe and a camel ( the two things miss Gypis taught him )
This below is a giraffe
Here is a camel ( Alice ) with 5 humps
Oh Gypsi - I miss her so much
Sadie, Kristen, Tori - my Knoxville family !!!
I send her a FB message and we have a love fest
I am so glad I always err on the side of being a sentimental person
R insists we buy him a cookie and eats it just like that - see that large butterfly cookie next to him )
(One of my friends told me that he hates the word "plump" .He also later told me the word "moist" gives him heebie jeebies
A few months later he confessed his phobia of raisins -
So of course now I sign every email with "Plump moist raisins")
Guess why plumpness is on my mind
its cause I am not losing any weight
I finally broke down and bought a pair of Levis that are made for people who have large behinds
They are called "demi curve id ( translate junk in the trunk )
So I am eating SUPER healthy but not losing any weight
Why is it so hard to lose weight ?
I don't want to go hard core 17 day diet as its super hard to do and it requires the level of planning that I am just not prepared to do- DH and I did this once and it really worked
But I may have to do it anyways as this way (sort of ) is depressing
I watched a documentary on Netflix on why we are so fat ( answer Sedentary lifestyle and food industry, lack of sleep and diet soda)
It was a rainy cold day ( cannot believe its almost may - so cold here still )
However there was a silver lining in this as well
Since it was so cold and miserable R ad I played and swung all by our selves s
We jump on the benches
Make up songs
( though in retrospect I hope that he will not sing the song of "this is the way mama dances round the pole " to here we go round the mulberry bush )
The cold was totally worh it
We even manage our picnic
R has been mistreating his Wii Discs - so I have put them away so he will have to ask for them in a 1 by 1 basis
I have left a note for him ( later next week I find that he has colored on the note and also hunted his discs)
Tuesday - Thursday
Followed the same pattern
Sunny days - that I spend busy at work
Sunny evenings that we made good use of by going daily to the park
Thursday I prevent a girl from being bullied in the park and I feel so happy about it
I get to work from home in the afternoon which I am super happy about
R has the day off ( admin day at school ) and is super happy to have me home
We meet our neighbor
All I know about her before this is that she homeschools 3 kids and is from Kansas.
Based on this , I had instantly stereotyped her in my mind as a perfect and superior person like Gwenyth Paltrow. ( my reader friends you know me well and know that this is not a compliment )
In meeting her, she is really sweet and instantly won my affection by saying that she had bought some chocolate to welcome us but then had eaten it herself
R scratches his butt and since he has been weeping a little while ago he looks like an urchin ( as his father had threatened him with not getting to sleep on the couch that night . This is his weekend treat and means a lot to him. Weekdays he must sleep in his bedroom . Weekends he sleeps on the couch watching us as we watch TV after dinner and drifting off to sleep on a couch with a blanket ) -
Still she says how high functioning he seems ( I know this is a very bad word in the autism community - but I still like this term when its used for R )
We go to the park and R tried to engage me once again in his scripts
"Leo says " he prompts ( waiting for me to say "we got a mission")
And then I floortime him " And mama says ....."
I look expectantly
And he replies " Mama says .. I love you "
And I am floored
Love reading about you and your sweet little boy!
I have so enjoyed your posts. And cold...yes, we had snow in Arkansas in MAY this week! The first ever! But this week will be warm and my peony and irises will be blooming! I will be in Knoxville the next week seeing my family..I plan to take my mom to the Whitestone for a lunch midweek (can't stand the Sunday Mothers Day crowds!). Thanks again for your inspirational posts!
This post shows a ton what a great sense of humor you have - I've seen photos of you - whatever junk in the trunk you might have, you're way too pretty for anyone to notice.
"Yes its very difficult to get R to play...
But its not so difficult to connect" I sometimes get frustrated with my son when he does not respond the way I want him to, but when I step back and observe, and go with the flow, we do connect. And I welcome that reminder here. :)
I always enjoy your "ordinary" days posts as they remind me of how special our ordinary days really are.
R. is getting so big! I like what you said about the moment of the park, not caring about the two girls. I think so much of being full present with and accepting of our kids has to do with not caring what others think.
You make me smile...cheers :)
I laughed out loud at the 'plump moist raisins' and I enjoyed reading about the rest of your week too, you always remind me of how to help our kids to learn by being with them xx
K, I saw this article and thought of you. I think you have some of this writer's wisdom.
Lovely, lovely, lovely.
You know, when it comes to our kids, the *connection* is what matters at the end of the day.... hanging out with them, playing, taking advantage of opportunities.. pausing loads to give them time to process and respond... Slowing down makes a huge difference. Sorry, this is not meant as a lecture... I am thinking aloud about how I see my life with Nick.
I laughed so hard at your description of the Zumba class.. and as for those jeans.. if you have got it, flaunt it! xx
I love reading about your weeks - feels like I am there with you somehow. "Mama says ... I love you" - so beautiful! xo
Thank you so dear friends for coming along with the ride
Thank you Kris for reading - I meant to tell you on your previous comment that ( on the other post ) when you talked about how nice it is that we get to focus on R as he is a single child . I was thinking that OTOH - when you have multiple kids - then its so great because there is social interaction
Thank you Di - the slowing down is the most impt advice and the best thing about RD& I does not feel like a lecture at all
@ Li - that was a GREAT article
@ Lisa - thanks for the nice comment - have a great time at Whitestone with mums
@ Jenny - you are so kind xoxox
@Yuji, Tanya thank you for always reading and leaving a nice thoughtful comment
Thank you Porgerour - thank you deb - loved both of our recent posts - porgerour the image of Sturla laughing with his friends cheered me , Deb Dinosaur bones was great
I enjoyed this post as always, but the best part was tearing up along with you when he said Mama says I love you. So sweet!
your writing is poetry..I know I have said that before! But it is true-so there..
I do not want to go through it line by line...but this whole post-starting with the girls who may or may not have been mean-and your feeling about this...down to the wii discs and "I love you Mama" felt like my life too in many ways...:))
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