Wednesday, August 22, 2012

The end of summer

The end of many things

Summer is over

And out time in Knoxville is over too

Its a time of endings

And much as though I know of the importance of focusing on the new beginnings that are to come in September

I am in  mourning and in anxiety

What is adding to a lot of anxiety is that while we leave in a few days, we still don't know exactly where we will live ( my new employer provides corporate housing for a few weeks but they only tell you the address 72 hours before you move- - which means we will only know  next week where R will start school next Thursday and he will start school on Tuesday  )

Leaving a workplace I have loved is a wrench as well

And leaving our beloved therapists

DH is stressed too as he is taking care of all the logistics

Usually I depend on him to say "screw it" or "whatever will be, will be "

But these days he is tired too with all the work

Look how cute our kitchen looks with its new granite surfaces

We are explorers

Even with all this stress, both DH and I know we are making the right decision for our family and have no regrets

We know the first few months will be difficult but we are the sort of people that have moved to new places all our life and this is what we want

Some people believe in laying down roots, others want to explore.

Finding Perfect Moments

Some weeks life is perfect

Some other weeks life is not

But even in these bad stressful anxiety filled weeks there are so many perfect moments

And that is what I try to put the light on

R has had 3-4 sessions pretty much every day in the summer - but that still leaves a lot of time to be free and do what he wants

And he is really blossoming

3-4 year old skills coming

OMG the pretend play finally

How much time he spends wearing the Ming Ming costume from wonderpets -

How he makes us smile as he admires himself in the mirror with each article of the costume

While I am aware these skills are coming 4 years later than they should, if anything it gives me even more joy

( I was just talking to another mother on the phone the other day and we were talking about how much parenting an ASD kid is like extreme parenting - the worries can be low - but the joys - Oh my !!)

He is sooo loving to me
Miss S shared with me a set of word connections he had made the other day
How wonderful to see your child associate the word "love" with Mama?

I tear up just thinking about it

I often tell DH that we won the kid lottery

And we really did!

His cousin send him a Rakhi from India and I wanted to send a picture of his hand wearing it

R posed and said "hands say cheese"

The other day DH was exasperated when R dropped his Coromega and said "R you are being a Jaanwar" ( this means animal in Hindi  - a language thatR we think does not know )

But R did

He replied "woof woof, meaow meaow , fox fox"

DH and I burst out laughing

I love the way he explores and is interested in everything

Its a 3-4 year old stage a, but I don't think of it that way - its just a miracle to see his development unfold and we celebrate his interests with such joy !!

( I hope you are not bored reading about these miracles )

Connecting with my sister

My sister and I have discovered Wassup and we delight in sending each other silly expressions all day
Here is she - preening because her students got a prize( that is not blood on her forehead - its sindoor - vermilion that traditional married women put on their foreheads as a sign of being married- hers just got smudged  )

Here I am sending a look of stunned admiration
R and his Therapists

R is getting to spend a lot of time with his therapists

What touches me is how often someone will just volunteer to take him on their own

here is his beloved Mrs K - taking him to a football match
She has made a photo album for him titled "Th adventures of Mrs K and R " and it made me cry !! so sweet is she :-)

Therapy in new places

One thing we did not do earlier and we do a lot of now is do therapy in new places

We know biologically the optimal situation for neuronal growth is novelty + emotion

So why would we think it was good to always be in the therapy room

Here is Miss S and R - out for ice cream( though probably just a little went into his stomach )

We have been doing a lot of his sessions at the local Bounce House
The park, the library and the swimming pool are our other therapy rooms

Not that R is not anxious - I asked him how he felt about moving and he said he was "scared and happy "

He also bursts into tears a lot of sometimes spoils for a fight with me ( do your kiddos do that ?)

I am trying hard to stay calm and happy myself - as his moods feed off mine

All in all , the trick for happiness is to shine the light on the lovely bits and spend little time dealing on the difficult bits

How do you get through anxious times?


Anonymous said...

We will never get bored reading about the miracle that is R. Seeing him in his Ming Ming suit just warmed my heart! Praying for the three of you as you start this new chapter.

Barbara @therextras said...

Exactly as you do, although not as perfectly. *smile*

Onto the next adventure!

Bright Side of Life said...

Your posts always make me smile. I am aware that it is an anxious time for you all... moving is never easy. However, you always find the light and you pull out the positive moments that are really special to you. I love that R's development is moving right along, he is doing great. :)

Deb said...

I too will never bore of hearing about R's progress! These moments are so sweet and special and deserve to be shared. They bring such a smile to my face! These next few months will be tough but you will do it...imperfectly as with us all but definitely!

Yuji said...

I know the next few weeks may be particularly stressful for all of you... I hope you will continue to find the perfect moments during these times.

R looks so cute in his costume! How wonderful that he is making such progress.

I don't know that I have any advice for getting through anxious times as I am struggling with that myself. But I think you already have the answer: "shine the light on the lovely bits and spend little time dealing on the difficult bits."

Best to you and your family!

Looking for Blue Sky said...

I really hope that all goes well, but it sounds as though you are well used to moving. As for anxiety, well there's been a lot of it here this summer and I still do not have a solution!

Bonsky said...

Darn it. I was hoping I could hold it together a bit longer and live in denial about your move. Not going to happen after reading this post. No worries about any of it. It will be glorious (as my big M would say since she was a little girl). Living in K-ville all these years you will surely recognize these lyrics...

When there's one day here and the next day gone
Sometimes you bend, sometimes you stand
Sometimes you turn your back to the wind
There's a world outside ev'ry darkened door
Where blues won't haunt you anymore
Where brave are free and lovers soar
Come ride with me to the distant shore
We won't hesitate
To break down the garden gate
There's not much time left today

Life is a highway
I wanna ride it all night long.
If you're going my way
I wanna drive it all night long.

God speed as they say. Just make sure to pack a sweater and send us postcards.


Lizbeth said...

I am so thinking of you. We moved three years ago and left everything the kids knew and loved BUT it was the best decision for our family. It was rough, I won't lie, but it was the best thing we ever did. GIving you strength. xxooo

lisa said...

Like Bonsky, as I assume that is our common friend!, I recognize that song and thank her for posting. Getting through the anxious times? I am oh not so perfect, but if I had to pick one thing, it is to remember the lifelong connections that I have built with people like both of you. And I read your blog, exchange emails with Bon while she is in Southern Spain (I think?), have a conf call with Susan W to talk about our common work interests, and provide a reference for Stew as he enters a new chapter of his life. I know that "work is work", but often from work comes people connections that last forever...beyond the work.
I wish for you, my dear K, a move that has stresses that you can manage, opportunities that you deserve, and a continued sense of self that inspires me beyond anything you can ever know. I will hold you to our January "reconnect" and I'm thinking we should do a Smart Chicks and Guys "virtual reunion" via Skype or someother conf method! My love to you all...and I wait eagerly for your next post from the beautiful I read from another beautiful spot in the Ozarks.

Lisa P

SoCo mom said...

Best wishes for a smooth move and a happy and prosperous next chapter in your family's life.

Hooray for R! I too marvel at the "small" developmental steps and achievements our son makes. Progress is progress, and their victories are splendid.

robin said...

He is totally cute in his costume! We have a huge tote that is full of custumes that we've used in the last few years. Now, my 'lil one is into them (even though many are really worn) and loves them!

I asked my second grader about his first day of school (a couple weeks ago) and he said that he was nervous. He said that he was "so when you get home you want to cry a little." It was much better the next day. Yeah, I know that feeling.

I have to make lists to feel comofortable when I know I'll be anxious. Because if I don't, those feelings might consume me and I'll be lost (close to a deadline or in a rush.) My family feeds off of my (and my hubby's) feelings as well so I try to be upbeat and calm. My facade works most of the time!

Good luck on your move!

Kris said...

I love reading your posts and will never bore of them! I love reading about how R is growing and developing. I too am in awe when Alex does something new, even if he is a few years behind at times. Hugs and good luck with your move!

Anonymous said...

Oh my gosh, I LOVE your posts!! I completely understand and agree with the "extreme parenting" you mentioned. That is a great way to explain it! (I hate it when I have all these thoughts and feelings but can't seem to express myself succinctly!)

The part about being a Jaanwar made me burst out laughing!! NOT bored at all reading about R and his progress. I love that you share the joy of him!!

How do I get through anxious times? Pray. Put one foot in front of the other. Hugs help too. And when it gets to be too much, I read. That's not always helpful when I have a lot of things I need to DO, but sometimes I just escape from reality in a story for awhile.

<3 wishing you all the best with all these changes.

Li said...

K, I've been too busy to comment much here but wanted to say I hope the move has gone smoothly! Seattle is one of my favorite places on the planet. I think you'll be happy there (but of course you have a gift for finding your happiness wherever you are). Can't wait to hear how the move went and how R is doing!

Þorgerður said...

Wishing you well with the move.
I love the update on R progress and his play. the best of luck with it all.

danette said...

I love to hear about R's progress, the pretend play is awesome. I have long since lost track of what stage these things "should" happen and as you say, just appreciate the miracles as they happen :). Best of luck with your upcoming move!

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