Wednesday, November 24, 2010

The last days of Fall

My favorite season draws to a close

The woods are spectacular this time of the year

But its all so transitory

Even as I wake up to this view from my bedroom window and wonder


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Was there ever a forest so gold ?

Was there ever a sky so blue?

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Even as I am within - enveloped on all sides -with this great beauty I am full of melancholy

As I know that this will pass soon enough

This really is my existential crisis .

I was talking with a few of my close friends the other day and we were talking about what our existential crises were

I was astonished to find that for most of us the fear is that this is it.

That nothing new-  no change is about to come

I, on the other, hand worry about the things that will change

For the present   - though daily worries may be plenty - is really as good as it gets

My family is well and happy and loving

I am much beloved by my husband and son

R - even though he has many challenges - is essentially a very happy child.

And for now we are able to manage most of his sorrows

I love the present

My existential crisis therefore, is the opposite

I worry that things will change

I go for a walk greedily storing up the forest in my mind. I know the next weekend when we  return to the cabin  the trees will be bare
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Oh how I wish I could make time stop

As I walk in the trees - I think about the lessons there are in the seasons

How there is a time for everything

And how all things must pass

I sigh heavily and turn towards home

R is waiting on the steps.

He is playing with his Little People Santa toys

He lifts his arms to be picked up

"Santa Claus is coming to town" he whispers breathlessly in my hair

For he is looking to Christmas with an eagerness that is infectious

And I think that this second lesson is even more important than the first one

To find and enjoy the beauty in our present is a good thing

To aceept that this beauty must pass is  important

But to know,  that there is beauty is every season

( For aren't the weary winters full of some of my favorite things too Christmas fun , vacation , snow, fireplaces,  crisp evenings, cuddles, scarves, soup, tea, cocoa, movies and Schnapps  )

That every season and every time comes with its own promise, if we look for it

That is the real lesson that the passing of seasons teaches us

"What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly."
- Richard Bach

9 comments:

Rachel said...

Gorgeous pictures and introspective words... your posts always make me think.

For me? Though I would love to freeze my life right where it's at - my hope is in knowing that it does *indeed* get even more amazing. I believe in a forever Christmas after this life - full of good things.

Big Daddy Autism said...

Really beautiful scenery. I am with you in that I fear change more than I fear things will stay the change. I like the way things are. But, you know, change is fun too.

kathleen said...

Lovely pictures...Oh..I love change..I do..sigh..doesn't make me popular sometimes..:)

Dani G said...

I go back and forth: do I fear change? or do I fear that it will stay the same?

Thank you for sharing your gorgeous photos!!

TherExtras said...

Ah, Schnapps! It's been a while. Might have to get some again.

Blessed Thanksgiving to you and your loving family. Barbara

Þorgerður said...

The big X factor. The future.
How do you eat an elephant? one bite at a time. :)

Lynn said...

It's strange to feel not 100% happy with the way things are and yet still fear change. But that's where I'm at sometimes.

So glad it's Christmas time!! R's Christmas toys will officially be in season!

fullsoulahead.com said...

Beautiful. Your words and your pictures.

blackknightsbrood said...

Your words match your photos. Serene, peaceful, beautiful. So love that you have your tucked away place to enjoy nature and one another.
You are wonderful at finding contentment in every circumstance. This is a character trait that will follow you through change after change.

Floortime Lite Mama

On my life as the mother of an adorable 5 year old with Autism and Apraxia