My favorite season draws to a close
The woods are spectacular this time of the year
But its all so transitory
Even as I wake up to this view from my bedroom window and wonder
Was there ever a forest so gold ?
Was there ever a sky so blue?
Even as I am within - enveloped on all sides -with this great beauty I am full of melancholy
As I know that this will pass soon enough
This really is my existential crisis .
I was talking with a few of my close friends the other day and we were talking about what our existential crises were
I was astonished to find that for most of us the fear is that this is it.
That nothing new- no change is about to come
I, on the other, hand worry about the things that will change
For the present - though daily worries may be plenty - is really as good as it gets
My family is well and happy and loving
I am much beloved by my husband and son
R - even though he has many challenges - is essentially a very happy child.
And for now we are able to manage most of his sorrows
I love the present
My existential crisis therefore, is the opposite
I worry that things will change
I go for a walk greedily storing up the forest in my mind. I know the next weekend when we return to the cabin the trees will be bare
Oh how I wish I could make time stop
As I walk in the trees - I think about the lessons there are in the seasons
How there is a time for everything
And how all things must pass
I sigh heavily and turn towards home
R is waiting on the steps.
He is playing with his Little People Santa toys
He lifts his arms to be picked up
"Santa Claus is coming to town" he whispers breathlessly in my hair
For he is looking to Christmas with an eagerness that is infectious
And I think that this second lesson is even more important than the first one
To find and enjoy the beauty in our present is a good thing
To aceept that this beauty must pass is important
But to know, that there is beauty is every season
( For aren't the weary winters full of some of my favorite things too Christmas fun , vacation , snow, fireplaces, crisp evenings, cuddles, scarves, soup, tea, cocoa, movies and Schnapps )
That every season and every time comes with its own promise, if we look for it
That is the real lesson that the passing of seasons teaches us
"What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly."
- Richard Bach