Three years ago today in a bleak office - we learned that R had Autism
The doctor was stupid and insensitive.
He was telling us about Autism while telling R not to play with the blinds
We were shocked
Like I mentioned, his office was bleak
He had a large painting of a child wandering a black & white people-less world- all alone .
I suppose the artist was trying to show how lonely an autistic child is
He handed us a book to read over the weekend ( for it was Friday evening and I suppose he was in a rush to get on with his weekend )
Full of outdated statistics ( like 73% of Autistic children have cognitive damage ) and full of dire prognostications, "The world of the Autistic child " is probably one of the worst books for a parent to start learning about Autism
That weekend we felt like we had come undone
In the days that followed, our thoughts were dark and bleak
We kept expecting R to get worse and worse!
One phrase from the book would run on "repeat" in my mind -
"As the disorder unfolds....."
Would he become a child that would disengage from us and rock in a corner ?
But about a few months into the journey we finally mustered up the courage to ask our Early Intervention Co-ordinator
"How much worse will it get?"
Her answer was such a relief
" You have already been through the worst " she said " he will keep getting better and better now "
That was our turning point
I had so many questions then. Such fear
So much has changed
From an obsession - Autism has become an implicit part of our life .
Sometimes I think back over my life
There was once a time when I did not know what Autism was.
It seems impossible -
Like another life -belonging to another person.
And in many ways that is true
Three years ago today, I spend all night crying .
How different tonight is- I think while putting R to bed - with his arms around my neck !
His last words before drifting off were a sleepy happy coo of "Mother .. Mother ..." whispered against my neck.
Bliss . Peace. Contentment
Rather than crush me- as I thought it would
Its like the kaliedoscope of my vision has been shaken by the hand of fate.
My perspective has shifted
But life is in sharper brighter color
And I am loving what I see.