Friday, January 29, 2010

The week of Jan 26th( how K gets her groove back )


Is the last day of being a lazy lump

Its fun to be a lazy lump though  and I have really enjoyed this time with just hanging out with DH - the more we are married the more I realise how lucky I am to be with a man that I not just love but also like ( which sounds so lukewarm - but really is all important)

We have a date lunch- I love Mexican food while DH hates it .

However there is a new Mexican restaurant that has opened called Spice Rack - (  many risque posters with voluptous women giving enticing looks)

So I text DH to ask him if he wants to go to lunch at the place with the hotties.

He agrees ( surprise surprise )

I am kind of embaressed while I am there - Part feminism and part puritanism are growing in me I think - though DH is very blase and European and makes fun of me !


Our Hanen Lady from school comes home - DH is doing the Hanen program at the school - I am very impressed that they are doing it - and am very impressed with the SLP too- very nice and very smart !

She comes and takes a couple of videos of us interacting with R

She tells us things we already know and they make sense -

But then she shows us our vidoes she points out what we are doing wrong in the videos and I am very taken aback by how many mistakes I make.

First, I  dont wait for R to respond but move on and repeat my question.

Second we  bombard him with words.

Our plan for the week is to

1. SLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW down our speed of talking with R

2. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaait for a response ( ASD kids have slower processors - and most parents never give them the time to respond ( she asks us to wait 15 seconds after asking  a question - just try it - 15 secs seems interminable )

3 Practise turn taking with a written cue


I come home and  am all agog to put my resolve into practise .

However R is embroiled in the Little Einstiens and their antics with a Little Totem Pole

I show him the two options on the whiteboard - Jump  or TV

He chooses TV .

So I craftily say that I am off to jump and wave the dreaded Goodbye

R wails at my departure ( for though he wants TV - he wants me around - available if he needs a cuddle - as well ).

He resigns himself to finding out what happened to the Little Totem pole later ( though he knows fully well how the story ends  - having watched this episode a gajillion times )  leaves the remote and while its icy outside-  we jump on the trampoline.

WAIT and SLOW is a really good technique - and I find it makes him talk more

Interestingly at the end of our hour he wants more and leads me to the playroom and the swinging etc

I am MUCH chuffed - for being more appealing than technology  is high praise indeed


Is my 11th wedding anniversary - DH wakes up with a tummy bug and lunch at the Thai place is out of question.

Pity because we are both mad for Panang

Inspite of the sickies he gets me lilies and daisies - and I am just so deeply touched. He is such a good husband !With the roses my siter send the dining room looks like a flower shop and that is the way I like it

I come home at lunch and make him some lentil soup ( as I cannot put any spice in it nor any oil - it tastes horrible )

Our friends from Delhi come on skype

I  feel such love for them when I see their dear familiar faces- how wonderful friendship is

DH is so sad about the soup that I make another batch of soup in the night with some spice and some oil - this he eats happily

However all this cooking from scratch has left me with little time with R !

Even in that little time though - I realize the importance of waiting for a response. For R seems to need to finish whatever he is doing at that time before he answers a question .

Example: after I come from work and he does his happy jig ( which I join ) . This entails us prancing around the room in circles making silly sounds and giggling !

He wants me to roll around on the bed with him - so he gestures that I should take off my coat .( by tugging at it )

I want words so I ask - "off coat?"

But he is busy taking his shoes off and so I just pause midway thru taking my coat off- ( usually I would just have moved on.)

But once he has taken his socks off he looks up and instructs me "coat off"


I have taken to verbally reminding myself that after I ask a question - the ball is in his court !

Ironically I have been listening to a Greenspan CD on my way from work which stresses the importance of 8 floortime sessions a day

How do regular parents of Auties get this much in ?

Some people who contact me after just getting their diagnosis ask

"how will I get 8 sessions in ? I work too- what about laundry.. cooking.... all the chores"

I always have the same  answer

"I know you dont have the time for 8 . Do you have time for 1?

Its this all or nothing approach that is to blame for a lot of problems in any good endeavours- be it losing 10 pounds, being a better human being, starting recycling etc ect -   and I remind myself of this  very good advice

Well I am getting late for work so I will sign off now


Anonymous said...

So glad you got your groove back. I can only imagine how hard it is to get back to the routine after a long and wonderful vacation such as yours.

I used written cues to help Charlotte with turn-taking. It worked great! Pieces of paper with "Mommy's turn" and "Charlotte's turn" written on it and she really was able to sit and wait for me to finish my turn before taking her next.

I agree -that 15 second wait feels like forever!

Mr. Daddy said...

So K, you never said. Did DH go for the food or the hotties???? LOL

Well maybe you did if he was very blase and European....And making fun of you. ROFL

The rest of your post really touched my heart. Your perspective always makes me think "(some would say that is impossible) Me thinking!!" LOL

Your post made me brought this poem to mind.

Winter's Roads
by Ron Carnell
I cannot speak for all who stem
'Long roads less traveled as their way,
Nor question choices made by them
In days long past or nights long dim
by words they spoke and did not say.

Each road is long, though short it seems,
And credence gives each road a name
Of fantasies sun-drenched in beams
Or choices turned to darkened dreams,
To where each road wends just the same.

From North to South, then back again,
I followed birds like all the rest
Escaping nature's snowy den
On roads I've seen and places been,
Forsaking roads that traveled West.

This journey grows now to its end,
As road reflections lined in chrome
Give way to roads with greater bend
And empty signs that still pretend
They point the way to home sweet home.

But all roads lead to where we go
And where we go is where we've been,
So home is just a word we know,
That space in time most apropos
For where we want to be again.

For even home, it seems to me,
Is still a choice we all must face
From day to day and endlessly,
To choose if home is going to be
Another road - or just a place.

I hope it speaks to your heart as it did to mine...If not just throw it away... Have a great day!!!!

Anonymous said...

I love your weekly updates. I can relate to so much and a sense of humor comes through that I just find so fun. =) Happy Anniversary!! I don't think it sounds lukewarm to say that you also LIKE your husband. I think the same...I love him- always, but these pregnancy hormones are making me not always LIKE him and that is tough. R sounds like he is doing well. I love to hear his progress and how he is doing. =)

Queenbuv3 said...

I'm so glad I read this post.

We are sooooo guilty of not giving Stephen enough time to process what we are saying to him and not waiting long enough for a response before we talk to him again. Also, using fewer words is a good idea.

Sounds like you had a good week : )

Karyn said...

I have learned the value of waiting with a boy I do ABA with. However he has started to imitate the expectant eyebrows up face that I must make while waiting.
You are right, being better than technology is praise indeed.
I heard a quote once that said "Anything worth doing is worth doing badly. At first anyway." The idea being that we put off doing things until we can do it right instead of just getting started and improving along the way.

Anonymous said...

Oooh, thank you for the SLOW and WAIT reminders.

How was it to see yourself on video and to receive feedback on what you should do differently? Did you feel like you were with Supernanny?

I'd bet we would all change a number of things to watch ourselves. Good for you for receiving the suggestions and implementing them so quickly.

Steffie said...

Slowing down is something we donèt do nearly enough over here, too. Yay for your groove!

Renegade Scholar said...

Hanen is great. I took a class with them and it really helped me a lot.

Rachel said...

Happiest anniversary!

It is always my self-check to try to honestly guage if I am someone I would like as a friend. And if I treat the one I love as if he is my best friend... then I think we shall like eachother forever!

And after your post... I have a terrible hankering for Panang! (Darn Mr. Daddy and his Thai food reluctance! Though I am quite sure he could be easily persuaded to try your Mexican restaurant!)

He has a love of poetry - as you can see - and I was struck by the thought that you three certainly seem to know where "home" is :)

Thank you for the reminder to SLOW down with our children... so important to allow them to respond.

Have a wonderful weekend!

robin said...

Happy Belated Anniversary!

I love that your Hanen Lady gave such great advice, and that you guys have already seen progress from it.

My toddler is just learning to talk and I find myself doing the same things. I will try to also wait 15 seconds after I ask him something.

Brenda Rothman (Mama Be Good) said...

Love this update! Now I am really hungry! ;) You're doing a great job with your little guy. What a cutie!

TJ said...

Wow - I am just catching up on your posts. SOOOO excited that you're trying Hanen and benefitting from it. I would actually love to do it again from a fresh POV.

So the school is offering it, hu? I think that is FABULOUS and would love to see that done here!

danette said...

Happy anniversary!

That wait does seem like a long time, huh? It makes a big difference though. Now if only I could convince certain boys to wait for each other so I can actually hear / listen to both of their responses!

Jos said...

I took the Hanen program 3 years ago, I think you would have read my posts about it. I hope I would have mentioned it to you if you hadn't.

Anyway, its a great program, my friend recommended it and it completely changed the way I speak to dd2. It does take a huge amt of practice though, using consistent words so that they hear them the thousand times they need to hear them. I can hear a dialogue in my head before I say anything to dd2, making sure I use the correct words. I'm so glad i took the class.

Thanks for reminding me about the goals we've already met when worrying about the ones we haven't yet reached.

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