Cook like crazy in the morning .
In the evening we are off to dinner at a friends' place - they have a small kid - a 1 year old - who watches every move of R with rapture and interest -
R of course totally ignores her after kissing her hand charmingly .
He spies their computer and N tells me he can use it . So he is on Nick Jr for the rest of the almost 2 hours that we are there. I am really bothered by how he tunes out everybody as soon as he has a computer .
C is busy in the kitchen - he is a marvelous cook!
N is busy feeding the kid
Its amazing to me to see a kid who opens her mouth eagerly for each bite .
R did not eat hardly any solids till he was 14 months old - it was such a stressor for me. Exclusively nursed! though he consistently stayed at the higher end of the weight curves - like 95%)
N really wants to have another baby and talks at length about all the pros of having another baby.
When I go in the kitchen to help C - he tells me all the cons of having a baby.
LOL - clearly this topic looms large on their minds!
I am careful not to offer any advice - as these are things that really should be decided by oneself - and they are a very sensible couple( though secretly I am in favor of C - he is the Stay at home Dad and I think he should get to decide- as its kind of a little bit more his area )
Because R is so busy with school and all the therapy - I really have been letting him have too much of his free time on the computer and I need to stop
On the car ride home, DH and I talk about how we need to get R into his own bedroom
When we get home, I simply switch off everything and tell him we must play .
We play with the dollhouse
I say Mama loves R and put the mama' dolls' arms around R- doll .
R brings out Papa. He puts Papa and Mama's arms around each other with tears in his eyes and throws R- doll away.
Guilt floods over me as I realize that R overheard our conversation about ending co-sleeping and that he is seeing me turn the TV and computer off as some sort of punishment along with the end of co-sleeping
I make a big fuss of him but he has a very woebegone expression.
I am determined today to make sure R gets less screen time!
So I turn the computer off- after an hour in the morning.
OMG how depressed he is while playing with some toys with me - listless and low energy !
We play a lot though its uphill all the time.
He sparks up when I suggest the Wii Fit after an hour or so
Then we go outside and jump on the trampoline and sing songs, swing and ride the bicycle - this he is happy to do
Then DH cuts R's hair while I make sure he still has eyes at the end of the hair cut .
He is really happy aftter his hair is cut - I think now no stray hairs are getting in his eyes and this is a big relief
In the evening I have a friend over for dinner ( she has two ASD boys on the two ends of the spectrum )
So I let R have computer and TV for the 1.5 hours that she is here.
R is a joyful stimmy mess at having the beloved computer all to himself .
He is also so tired that he falls asleep at the right time with no fuss!!
DH and I had planned to go out for lunch but its grey and gloomy .
SO I come home and we eat soup and kebabs and watch a little bit of Murder Mysterty theater -
Gosh how I love this show!
Rain+ Soup+ my hubby + Mystery - what could be better !
Again I turn off the computer in the evening and R is a little sulky .
I am noticing he is very stimmy with the TV as well - he does not rewind to songs but to special flashing images. He is squinting his eyes a lot ( opening and closing ) which makes me feel he is trying to recreate the flashing lights feeling in thing he is seeing in regular llife.
This means he is craving visual input and I am wondering what kind of sensory diet can help satisfy this need - rather than the flashing TV. Flashing television images make me nervous!
This kind of stimming leads to a very hyper R and I can see we will need to limit - if not eliminate him having the remote as well
More being bad- mum
I feel a little depressed as I realize how addictive the screens are for R and how easy it is for him to REALLY get into it in an obsessive fashion
Besides I love being fun-mum and bad-mum sucks .
One bad thought leads to another and I recall the article I read today about how the Hep B vaccine screws up Rhesus monkeys and is implicated in Autism.
Its hard to sift the truth in Autism articles
But the saddest thing is the Hep B vaccine which is given immediately after birth is completely unnecessary if the mother does not have Hep B ( which I do not have - but its the OB GYN and the hospital not taking the time to check records and just giving the vaccine anyway )
We were also coerced into getting it I feel. ( the doc from the pediatrics place basically told us - if we did not get the vaccine we would not be accepted into his practice. And also that he hospital wont release us if we dont have a pediatric practice we are assigned to .
I can see the scene like a movie in my head. And this article I read earlier today - just makes me want to cry ( which I do and then I scold myself out of the gloom )
Using those thoughts
which should indeed have died
With them they think on?
Things without all remedy
Should be without regard:
what's done, is done.
R withholds affection as a punishment for me ( which- like all his manipulative behavior - I feel so proud of )
He kisses me goodnight by rubbing his cheek against mine. ( instead of his usual - holding my face in his hands and kissing my forehead and then cheeks- is it any wonder that I am so bessotted by this child ? )
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
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