Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Weekly Round up W.o Oct 10( battles over screen time )


Cook like crazy in the morning .

In the evening we are off to dinner at a friends' place - they have a small kid - a 1 year old - who watches every move of R with rapture and interest -

R of course totally ignores her after kissing her hand charmingly .

He spies their computer and N tells me he can use it . So he is on Nick Jr for the rest of the almost 2 hours that we are there. I am really bothered by how he tunes out everybody as soon as he has a computer .

C is busy in the kitchen - he is a marvelous cook!

N is busy feeding the kid

Its amazing to me to see a kid who opens her mouth eagerly for each bite .

R did not eat hardly any solids till he was 14 months old - it was such a stressor for me. Exclusively nursed!  though he consistently stayed at the higher end of the weight curves - like 95%)

N really wants to have another baby and talks at length about all the pros of having another baby.
When I go in the kitchen to help C - he tells me all the cons of having a baby.

LOL - clearly this topic looms large on their minds!

 I am careful not to offer any advice - as these are things that really should be decided by oneself - and they are a very sensible couple( though secretly I am in favor of C - he is the Stay at home Dad and I think he should get to decide- as its kind of a little bit more his area )

Because R is so busy with school and all the therapy -  I really have been letting him have too much of his free time on the computer and I need to stop

On the car ride home, DH and I talk about how we need to get R into his own bedroom

When we get home, I simply switch off everything and tell him we must play .

We play with the dollhouse 

I say Mama loves R and put the mama' dolls'  arms around R- doll .

R brings out Papa. He puts Papa and Mama's arms around each other with tears in his eyes and throws R- doll away.

Guilt floods over me as I realize that R overheard our conversation about ending co-sleeping and that he is seeing  me turn the TV and computer off as some sort of punishment along with the end of co-sleeping

I make a big fuss of him but he has a very woebegone expression.


I am determined today to make sure R gets less screen time!

So I turn the computer off- after an hour in the morning.

OMG how depressed he is while playing with some toys with me - listless and low energy !

We play a lot though its uphill all the time.

He sparks up when I suggest the Wii Fit after an hour or so

Then we go outside and jump on the trampoline and sing songs, swing and ride the bicycle - this he is happy to do

Then DH cuts R's hair while I make sure he still has eyes at the end of the hair cut .

He is really happy aftter his hair is cut - I think now no stray hairs are getting in his eyes and this is a big relief  

In the evening I have a friend over for dinner ( she has two ASD boys on the two ends of the spectrum )

So I let R have computer and TV for the 1.5 hours that she is here.

 R is a joyful stimmy mess at having the beloved computer all to himself .

He is also so tired that he falls asleep at the right time with no fuss!!


DH and I had planned to go out for lunch but its grey and gloomy .

SO I come home and we eat soup and kebabs and watch a little bit of Murder Mysterty theater -

Gosh how I love this show!

Rain+ Soup+ my hubby + Mystery - what could be better !

Again I turn off the computer in the evening and R is a little sulky  .

I am noticing he is very stimmy with the TV as well - he does not rewind to songs but to special flashing images. He is squinting his eyes a lot ( opening and closing ) which makes me feel he is trying to recreate the flashing lights feeling in thing he is seeing in regular llife.

This means he is craving visual input and I am wondering what kind of sensory diet can help satisfy this need - rather than the flashing TV. Flashing television images make me nervous!

This kind of stimming leads to a very hyper R and I can see we will need to limit - if not eliminate  him having the remote as well

More being bad- mum

I feel a little depressed as I realize how addictive the screens are for R and how easy it is for him to REALLY get into it in an obsessive fashion

Besides I love being fun-mum and bad-mum sucks .

One bad thought leads to another and I recall the article I read today about how the Hep B vaccine screws up Rhesus monkeys and is implicated in Autism.

Its hard to sift the truth in Autism articles

But the saddest thing is the Hep B vaccine which is given immediately after birth is completely unnecessary if the mother does not have Hep B ( which I do not have - but its the OB GYN and the hospital not taking the time to check records and just giving the vaccine anyway )

We were also coerced into getting it I feel. ( the doc from the pediatrics place basically told us - if we did not get the vaccine we would not be accepted into his practice. And also that he hospital wont release us if we dont  have a pediatric  practice we are assigned to .

I can see the scene like a movie in my head. And this article I read earlier today - just makes me want to cry ( which I do and then I scold myself out of the gloom )

Using those thoughts
which should indeed have died
With them they think on?
 Things without all remedy

Should be without regard:
 what's done, is done.

- Shakespere

R withholds affection as a punishment for me ( which- like all his manipulative behavior - I feel so proud of )

He kisses me goodnight by rubbing his cheek against mine. ( instead of his usual - holding my face in his hands and kissing my forehead and then cheeks- is it any wonder that I am so bessotted by this child ? )


All About the Bailey's said...

We have the same issues going on in our house, screen time, loves the flashing lights, very stimmy. E goes through these stages it seems, we too will have to pull this away slowly. It's very hard since this is something they really enjoy. I love reading about your week! Have a good day!

stellarparenting.com said...

We have very limited screen time in our house, weekends only and there is no longer any video games. It was oversitmulating and causing dissassocation so they all went away. My boys have become interested in lots of other thigs as a result and although it is sometimes hard I like the difference it makes in their behaviour.
PS - I gave you an award, head over to my blog to get it.

Niksmom said...

It's such a delicate balance, isn't it, between giving our children the input they crave and knowing when (as Mary Poppins says) "Enough is as good as a feast." I struggle to find that balance with Nik all the time when it comes to certain songs he perseverates on.

I've been thinking a lot about this lately. Don't know if you've seen this article: http://www.autismspot.com/blog/Question-Day-Whos-Control-Your-Household Some food for thought.

Anonymous said...

K- love your blog.
It's really hard to take on the screen battle- stick to your guns, the more screen time our kids have, the more those static pathways are reinforced in their brains, instead of the dynamic ones. The last thing they need is more static.
At least make sure the time is limited, and make sure he rotates the sites , games etc. A1 gravitates like a magnet towards the same things, every single time.
We have passwords on the TV's and all the computers, no screen is turned on until 6 pm, and I am about to send the Wii fit, along with his buddies, Wii play, Wii sports and Mario Kart on an extended vacation.


Rachel said...

Had to chuckle at the "should we have another child" drama playing out during your visit. Cuz we kinda sorta invited you into our own drama, ha ha.

You were so nice to leave a sweet comment about our family - without choosing sides. And I am choosing to be grateful for what we have - while still continuing to work on the mister :)

Screen time... the dilemma of many working parents and part of that struggle to balance everything!

Rachel said...

ps - would love to see pictures of R's new haircut! :) I always love pictures of your beautiful little guy!

robin said...

I often find that my hubby and I have great talks on the way home from somewhere (usually far away.) If the kids are awake, we realize that many words are spelled so that the kids don't know what we are talking about. Sometimes, the flow of conversation moves so fast that we forget and say something in front of our kids too and...it's amazing how they can hear so much when, in daily life, they don't hear much of anything you say, lol! FWIW, we now have two kiddos in our bed much of the time. Thankfully, we attached the crib as a sidecar for more room.

TJ said...

You are so not alone, K. As you know, we had a weekend-only rule for the pc for a while, which turned out to be a very good thing after the initial resistance. But over time, through summer, I changed the rules to include a little time in the evening. And now we're back to where we started. It's what he wants immediately upon returning home in the afternoon again. It's easy to be torn about just how much to limit, as he does learn a great deal from some of the sites he's on (primarily educational sites), but at the same time, he becomes so obsessed that it spills over and starts to interfere with his level and quality of engagement. There are times that I can just SEE his wheels spinning, knowing he is recreating a scene from a site or video in his mind.

We are gearing up for some rule changes as well, but in order to have it be less painful I will have to plan several outings and other activities as distractors/replacements for the first week or so . . .

Love the quote, btw.

Anonymous said...

Wow- I felt so bad for him when he expressed his displeasure about getting his own room! Poor boy. Every family has to do what is best for them. If it's time, it's time. =) I share your struggles with the screen time. Daniel has also been extremely stimmy with visual stuff. I comfort myself by saying that it could be worse. I have some kaleidoscopes, and one of them has spinning lights inside, he also has a little top that he loves and some airplane and helicopter toys (candy dispensers) that spin the foam blades and light up when you push a button. Those sort of help satisfy that need without screen time....but we struggle constantly. I have also been struggling with the whole vaccine issue. I truly believe that Daniel Autism was genetic and there were signs of it (I just didn't know what I was looking at) before he was 18 months....but it will be so hard to just get all vaccines all on time with no questions with this next baby. Sigh.

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