Sunday, July 28, 2013

July in Seattle

How is it always like this?

I think I  will  blog regularly , I will reflect more.

I will find 10 minutes to capture a bit of today - store away its pleasure for tomorrow

But the days pass in fast forward

And I find myself at the other end of the screen feeling that a month has gone by.

Sunny days 

July has dawned glorious and sunny .

This familiar green-grey landscape is transformed . The blues are so blue and the greens so green.

Every moment we can - we spend outside

Oh how I love these craggy green mountains

R takes his first hike in the gorgeous Mt Baker and walks 2 miles.

Snow in July?

Yes DH is making a SNOW ball.

What is super glamorous is that there are big signs saying "Avalanche area" all around

A nephew of ours who is doing a summer program at Brown comes to see us and spend a week .

He is really easy going and it makes me wonder what life would be like if R had a sibling  ( though Z the nephew was an only child for a long time and says he loved it )
Settled into a routine

There comes a time when you settle into a city when you know exactly what you will do every day and every weekend

For us the evenings revolve around  going to the park , the weekend's revolve around going to the special park ( which for some reason has an AMAZING sensory playground ).

I have started reading/listening to books again 

Just finished Mrs Dalloway- I have avoided Virginia Woolf until now as I thought it was a "should-read"- (Do you know what I mean?)

But its amazing.

This is a day in the life of a woman in post WW1 England.

As she goes through the day and you listen to her thoughts - you know everything about her whole life.

To me, its such a powerful thought that we carry our entire lives with us all the time.

 Also read "The end of life book club"

In this book the author( really great author)  talks about the power of a good opening line.

For instance Mrs Dalloway starts with "Mrs. Dalloway said she would buy the flowers herself."

"It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife. —Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice

Of course my favorite is "The small boys came early to the hanging" Ken Follett, Pillars of the earth 

Starting to travel 
I am also starting to travel and this too has its own routine .. I usually take R with me to the office if I need to do last minute things like print off boarding cards

R colors on the white boards, while I finish by chores

And then when I am away, instead of enjoying "Me time" like my sensible colleagues do, i miss home .

Crohns is back 

A small flare blessedly .

But it has scared us .

 Till now the infusion has been working beautifully - we have been able to forget he has Crohn's.

All we need to do is to spend a Friday morning in the hospital every 8 weeks.

This too with our usual positivity we have turned into a family fun ritual and R quite looks forward to "medicine-in-arm" day 

But despite the meds, there is flare right before the infusion

Plus R has a sore on the side of his nose that does not heal.

I look it up on the web and see that many Crohns folks have this and this makes me cry and cry.

I feel angry about Crohns.

And I try to get peace with some of the Eastern Philosophy that I was raised with

In the East, there is a very strong belief in destiny- as though everything that happens to you has already been determined

The eastern story "Appointment with Sammara " depicts fatalism perfectly.

Here is an excerpt from Wikipedia 

A merchant in Baghdad sends his servant to the market. Shortly, the servant comes home white and trembling. In the market he was jostled by a woman, whom he recognized as Death, and she made a threatening gesture. Borrowing the merchant's horse, he flees at top speed to Samarra, 75 miles away  so  Death will not find him. The merchant goes to the market and finds Death, and asks why she made the threatening gesture. She replies, "That was not a threat, it was only a start of surprise. I was astonished to see him in Baghdad, for I had an appointment with him tonight in Samarra."

While Westerners believe that they are in charge of their destiny, Easterners believe that the life they are leading- has already been mapped out for them.

This is a lot of comfort but I still cycle through the stages of grief.

Why does our precious child's body attack itself from time to time?

Heal yourself by helping others

DH and I meet up with a  couple whose son has just been diagnosed.

Its a gorgeous sunny day

We eat pizza and chat. They are a delightful family.

And their son is so sweet and cuddly - like R a few years ago that I can hardly stand it and must ( I love autistic children - I really do ) cuddle him constantly

They  want advice on coping with with Autism and as we talk about the changes in philosophy and perspective that are needed for a happy life with Autism, some of my peace starts coming back

In this past year of change, stress and ill health, it seems like all I have done is cope,  not live.

I spend too much time thinking of work and not enough time thinking of R, our family, our marriage and what we need for our life to be a happy one ( despite everything )

Its time to get my priorities in order.

And make time  in life, for living

For like the Buddhist saying goes 

" You must meditate for 20 minutes a day .. unless you have no time. if you have no time .. you must meditate for a full hour "

Dear friends, like my own blog, I have neglected coming to say hello to your blogs. Promise to stop by and get connected.


Gypsi said...

I am so glad you fell in love with Mrs. Dalloway too! It was an instant love for me, too, from that very first sentence! I've not read Pillars of the Earth, but now feel like I should!

So sorry about the flare up. I feel so sad for you all.

We all need to stop and think about not trying to run from destiny, from things we can't change. Such wise words.

Also such wise words about meditation. . . I neglect too often!

I will hold you all in my heart more and tighter!

Kris said...

So sorry to hear of R's flare of Crohns. I can understand how that must make you angry and sad. It is so difficult to watch our children be sick or uncomfortable. I loved Pillars of the Earth and still remember that first line. My dad always reads the first line of a book before he selects it from the library and he taught me to do that as well. Pillars has one of the best opening lines ever.

Bright Side of Life said...

I have missed your posts. I am so sorry about the Crohns flare up. Admittedly I don't know a thing about it... but does diet also play a part? Am off to google so that I have more knowledge about what you all are going through.
Your scenery and parks and wonderful outings are just so lovely.
Be happy. xx

Laurel said...

You have given me not one but two extra big nuggets of wisdom to chew on, between Eastern fatalism and the Buddha. Both of them are really helpful to hear right now.

I admire how you manage to record the events of your month despite your very busy life and blog them, complete with pictures--so consider also that you *are* managing to stop and appreciate, even if it is not as much as you would like.

I am so sorry to hear that Crohn's is not giving you more peace these days. Of course it is cruel and unfair regardless of whether it is predestined or not. I hope you manage to wrangle it under control again.

jazzygal said...

Lovely July catch up...except for the Crohn's bit :-( I do hope all works out for your boy. And your family. You certainly have the right philosophy. I love the final Buddhasim quote....and you own about storing up today's pleasure for tomorrow :-)

xx Jazzy

Anonymous said...

No matter how long it's been I absolutely adore catching up with you. Your posts are like a breath of fresh air- even when you're being real about the harder things. I love that about you. I hope R feels better soon. Thank you for sharing all of this. <3

Looking for Blue Sky said...

I know what you mean about the days just passing by - sorry about the Crohns, it much be so hard watching your son go through that ((hugs))

But loving the pictures - it looks like you're living in a Disney movie, fabulous :)

robin said...

I can't imagine a snowball in July! How amazing!! I'm sorry about the most recent flare-up for R but love that you guys do your bi-monthly ritual as something else positive! I love your outlook on life!

Tanya Savko said...

So glad you are enjoying the natural beauty of the Pacific Northwest, as I do. And I hope the Crohn's flareup resolves itself, if at all possible. Thinking of you as you work through all you've experienced in this full year. xo

Barbara TherExtras said...

Some westerners are fatalists, too (like me). Usually I use different words but basically the same concept.

Your posts are a gift no matter how long in between.

Live out the rest of the summer, eh?


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Yuji said...

K, you make me smile and tearful and introspective all in one beautiful post. I think you will find some peace through some of the Eastern philosophy. I don't know that I believe in predetermined fate, but I do think that you can't overly worry about things that our out of your control. I hope you have more sunny days ahead, both literally and figuratively.

Shovona said...

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